women and their troubles with ford men

[howey]

I just browsed a thread started by Mrs 347stroker, and noticed her the line "i wish he'd stroke me". I've never met or spoken to mrs 347stroker, or mr 347stroker for that matter. It did occur to me, however, that from Brisbane to Melbourne, the tales of neglect at the hands of their husband's Ford sound very similar. So I set out to find ways to bridge the gap between man and wife. Here is a list of things women can do to improve relations with their husband.

1. Just as footballers need to read the play to make the right decision, so do women. E.g. Having the 1/2" ring spanner ready before he asks for it, knowing that he really needs a ratchet and socket rather than a spanner and presenting it to him. No one likes to pester their wives for a beer, when you see that he has to tip the can past horizontal, it's time for a freshy.

2. When his mates come over to help him, just because your presence is no longer desired in the shed, doesn't mean you can't whip up some food and grab something to drink for the boys.

3. Realise that when he's reading girlie mags, it's not always because he wants to satisfy his primal urges to plant his seed in as many beautiful women as possible, rather he wants to be able to come to you with a well rounded outlook on the female species and be constructive about the areas you could work on, he's doing it for you.

4. When he does greet you with some physical attention, be happy with what he can give. No one wins if you complain about the duration or tenderness. Why crush the man's ego, it's not only about you, you know.

5. When you're laying together basking in the afterglow, don't be offended if his mind wanders to other matters(Fords). It's widely known that the moments immediately after the fact can produce some of the clearest most creative thoughts of any time, it would be a shame to waste them on frivellous matters.

These are just some simple steps women can take to improve their relationships. I don't think it's that hard really.
If you have a comment to make, or a tip to add, please feel free.




if my wife find's out about this I'm dead. If there are any right wing feminist nazis on this forum, i'm not really Howey, I'm John Howard PM, Canberra, and all correspondence can be forwarded to me c/o Parliament House, Canberra

[gozza]

were u really a man?

[XRated]

Hahaha you're a classic mate!

[gozza]

ohh u are a man lol
though u were the wife of u

[Shonky]

GOLD my friend!

That is awesome!

You had better buy yourself a feminist and flame proof suit though mate...

[bindi]

Originally Posted by Young 'un

You had better buy yourself a feminist and flame proof suit though mate...

Damn straight he'd better... I'm speechless atm, but wait till later when the shock has worn off.

[Sourbastard]

Originally Posted by bindi

Damn straight he'd better... I'm speechless atm, but wait till later when the shock has worn off.

no need to be like that is there? Be a good girl and go get us a couple of beers.

:hihi:

[bindi]

Originally Posted by sourbastard

no need to be like that is there? Be a good girl and go get us a couple of beers.

:hihi:

Absolutely Sour, no problems. Was that a shandi or a lite? You seem like that kinda guy. Speaking of which, are you going to be on the Ford Float at Mardi Gras again this year? You looked spiffy in the leather chaps, high heels, and pink sequined boob tube. :Reverend: :sm_drool: : :

[Sourbastard]

Originally Posted by bindi

Absolutely Sour, no problems. Was that a shandi or a lite? You seem like that kinda guy. Speaking of which, are you going to be on the Ford Float at Mardi Gras again this year? You looked spiffy in the leather chaps, high heels, and pink sequined boob tube. :Reverend: :sm_drool: : :

My cross dressing habits are well known and often lamented by cruise organizers, but damnit theres nothing like the feel of a lacey undergarment on vinyl seats.

Now, wheres me bloody shandie woman? You on a break?

[Shonky]

haha! I was going to warn him to watch out for you Bindi, but my feminist proof suit is in the wash, so I thought better of it!

[Melz]

My version
1. When your women asks someone elses advice on a car related issue, theres a fair chance she doesn't value your opinion on HER CAR!
2. When the woman is working in the shed, with the car, leave her be. If she wants help she will ask for it!! (fair chance if your the last bloke on earth she still won't ask!)
3. Holdens are for women who know nothing about cars! If they did, they would sell it a buy a Ford.
Hehe.. I'll let bindi get stuck into you guys, i don't wear the feminist part well...

[GreenMachine]

There's lots I could say, but one word sums it up.

Blowjobs.

[Walkinshaw]

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

There's lots I could say, but one word sums it up.

Blowjobs.

Amen bruva

[Mrs347stroker]

Well well well.....I don't know what to say.....but there is always one smarta$$ around.

I have some tips for you

Be good to your wife, if not:

1. You will go hungry
2. You will have dirty clothes
3. Every car part accumulated with be given to charity
4. There will never be food in the fridge so you can feed all your mates
5. While you are at work beer will be replaced with cordial
6. What is an iron, vaccuum, clothes line, mop etc etc?
7. Mates are to leave by 10pm so the rest of the night is with the wife
8. You must stay awake longer so we can get another round in
9. Saying "I never hear the baby cry while I am asleep" that line is wearing thin. Clean your ears out.
10. If you do bring home flowers, make sure the card is removed when they have been taken from the cemetary

There is heaps more but the list will never end.

[Sourbastard]

Originally Posted by Mrs347stroker

1. You will go hungry
2. You will have dirty clothes
3. Every car part accumulated with be given to charity
4. There will never be food in the fridge so you can feed all your mates
5. While you are at work beer will be replaced with cordial
6. What is an iron, vaccuum, clothes line, mop etc etc?
7. Mates are to leave by 10pm so the rest of the night is with the wife
8. You must stay awake longer so we can get another round in
9. Saying "I never hear the baby cry while I am asleep" that line is wearing thin. Clean your ears out.
10. If you do bring home flowers, make sure the card is removed when they have been taken from the cemetary

1. I do the cooking at home
2. I do my own washing
3. I AM a charity
4. 131166
5. Vodka goes well with cordial
6. Iron is what the block is made from. Vacuum is required in the intake. Clothes Line? Mustve missed it, im always stepping over lines :P
7. Why doesnt she have her own mates?
8. Its a sprint! Not a marathon!
9. zzzzzzzzz
10. Dont ask where the jewelery came from then
11. Yes. I have an answer for everything.

[GreenMachine]

1. You will go hungry

I'm the only person in my house who can cook!

2. You will have dirty clothes

Ditto.

3. Every car part accumulated with be given to charity

I AM a charity!

4. There will never be food in the fridge so you can feed all your mates

Shopping is clearly women's work - But how come men have to pay for it?

5. While you are at work beer will be replaced with cordial

And whilst you are doing something womanly (watching days of our lives?), we shall replace the toilet paper with home-brand paper towels.

6. What is an iron, vaccuum, clothes line, mop etc etc?

As a woman, you shouldn;t have to ask this!

7. Mates are to leave by 10pm so the rest of the night is with the wife

"Rest-of-the-night" = 10-12pm? We know where 2 minutes of that goes... What's the rest for?

8. You must stay awake longer so we can get another round in

Jesus, we're men, not machines!

9. Saying "I never hear the baby cry while I am asleep" that line is wearing thin. Clean your ears out.

You gave birth to the child - It's clearly your responsibility.

10. If you do bring home flowers, make sure the card is removed when they have been taken from the cemetary

Easily fixed - no more flowers.















*Note: This is all in jest - I'm really quite a catch!

[AUXRVIII]

Originally Posted by Mrs347stroker

Well well well.....I don't know what to say.....but there is always one smarta$$ around.

I have some tips for you

Be good to your wife, if not:

1. You will go hungry
2. You will have dirty clothes
3. Every car part accumulated with be given to charity
4. There will never be food in the fridge so you can feed all your mates
5. While you are at work beer will be replaced with cordial
6. What is an iron, vaccuum, clothes line, mop etc etc?
7. Mates are to leave by 10pm so the rest of the night is with the wife
8. You must stay awake longer so we can get another round in
9. Saying "I never hear the baby cry while I am asleep" that line is wearing thin. Clean your ears out.
10. If you do bring home flowers, make sure the card is removed when they have been taken from the cemetary

There is heaps more but the list will never end.

1. I'm the one who does the shopping, she hates it.
2. So what. I'm a mechanic, my clothes are always dirty.
3. My accumulated car parts are at work.
4. See No. 1
5. I don't drink beer.
6. They are activities to keep you off the lounge so you don't have to be jemmied off every night.
7. I'd kick my mates out earlier if the was any action on offer, like that would happen.
8. So what's the female excuse when the shoe's on the other foot.
9. I was the one who got up to our little princess from night one.
10. Roses are rarely found at the cemetary.

[Valknutr]

hahaha this is funny, i think bindis winning though and im not getting involved

[GreenMachine]

Sour! Great minds think alike... and fools never differ!

[Sourbastard]

*looks at GM*

Oi you, get your own material :P

[gozza]

i think the "u gave bitrh to it..its ur responisibilty" line was funniest thing ive read today

[deesun]

I'm guessing none of you fellas will ever be gouin on a cruise that Mrs 347 Stroker,bindi and Melz will be on. Even in 50 years time you won't be safe,and Adelaide isn't far enough away either Sour.

[Sourbastard]

Originally Posted by deesun

I'm guessing none of you fellas will ever be gouin on a cruise that Mrs 347 Stroker,bindi and Melz will be on. Even in 50 years time you won't be safe,and Adelaide isn't far enough away either Sour.

I live in a state full of serial killers, whats a few more lunatics. :P

[GreenMachine]

I've gotta be at Mrs 347stroker's house at 6:30 tomorrow morning... But I might wait for Matt in the car!

[Mrs347stroker]

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

I've gotta be at Mrs 347stroker's house at 6:30 tomorrow morning... But I might wait for Matt in the car!

Come on Nick I am not that bad..... :evilking:

That's the trouble with the world today. Women don't know their place......

Hope Perth's far enough away. :gren:

[bindi]

Howey Howey Howey… where does one begin?

1.You’re saying you need the little woman’s help to fix the car? Why is that? Can’t you do it by yourself? Why do you need her to hand you the tools? What’s wrong with your other hand, is it on something else, little man? Speaking of being horizontal, aren’t you worried about the old brewer’s droop? If half the rumours I hear about you are true old mate, then shouldn’t you be drinking Viagra smoothies instead?

2. As far as hanging around the shed when your mates are over, I just thought it was polite to act the same as you when my mates are over. ie. Burp, fart, stare down their tops, check out their buns, brag about the length of my packages, and help you brag about what good fun I am in the sack. When it comes to whipping up food, why don’t you do what you normally do to impress women and go through the Maccas drivethru like the classy guy you are?

3. Apropos the reading of titillating literature, if you feel it’s constructive, go ahead. I might return the favour and look at all the buff blokes in Men’s Health or Playgirl but let’s face it, after I’ve done that, you’re going to be looking even worse than you normally do. The fact that I care enough about our relationship to not compare you to other fitter, stronger, younger, better looking and more virile men just means I love and accept you as you are. The real difference is, being a woman I can pick up at any pub in 5 minutes whereas the girls in those magazines wouldn’t let you wash their windscreens at the traffic lights. (How is that job going for you by the way Howey?)

4. I accept your physical abilities (such as they are). It’s not just the physical side of you that I care about. And besides, your brother goes off like a friggin roman candle on Tuesdays and Fridays whilst you’re off washing windscreens.

5. Your mind is free to wander where it will. Sometimes my mind wanders to Fords, specifically the back seat of YOUR Ford with your brother and his mate Trevor. As far as creative moments go, do you think after the Oscar Award winning performance I have just put into creating the illusion that I am not holding in a sneeze but I’m actually enjoying what you think you’re trying to do to me, that I don’t respect the fact that your comfort zone involves controlling nuts and bolts and metal rather than trying to understand a woman?

When it comes to improving the relationship, we women are at a disadvantage. We know that all that is required to improve our relationship is for you to either leave or learn to walk upright, communicate, share, be honest, and grow up. We know this is really hard work. We can either help you with this long and exhaustive process, or put you back where we found you. But let’s face it, next to your mother we’re the only ones who are willing to put up with you.

Finally, I loved this exchange Howey. Keep up the good work. I give you a B+! : e

[Melz]

GO BINDI!!!

By the way WeirdEL, Perth is never far enough away!!!lol :evil_laug :evilsasmo

:::::::::: :::

[Gunns]

You all bring up some good points, but the question ahas to be asked:
- What is she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?

[bindi]

Originally Posted by Gunns

You all bring up some good points, but the question ahas to be asked:
- What is she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?

Hello?! I'm with your brother. You may be Gunns, but he's the canon baby.