The Definition of a Bogan

[ThePistonHead]

Here's a good laugh, found on another forum:

Characteristics
Bogans are stereotypically considered to be old children (from approximately 15 to 30 years of age). Bogans mature to become yobbos. Low to midrange literacy and intelligence, (80-100 IQ) and above average physical strength are also prominent elements. The bogan accent is highly distinguishable, being a high-pitched variant of Australian strine similar to "ocker", and the vernacular relies heavily upon truncated words and swearing. Bogans will typically use the phrase "yous" to refer to two or more people, and will modify people's names by adding "azza" (ie Barry = Bazza, Sharon = Shazza).

Bogans have a habit of swapping vowels around in some words to create their own quasi language. "****" will become "Cant" and "You" may become "Ya". An example of this quasi language can be seen in the sentence, "Punish mi caaant", which is sometimes heard during intercourse with a female bogan. It translates to, "Punish my ****".

Bogans often choose names for their offspring that they see as 'cool' and 'trendy' like 'Montana', 'Sienna', & 'Dakota' or taking normal names like 'Belinda' and choosing new lettering ie; 'Bilynda' or even worse a re-spelled Bogan name ie; 'Dhakota'. Names like Chardonnay, Mercedes, Jade or Mercedes-Taylor etc, are also common.

[edit]Favourite pastimes
Bogans worship footy of any code (typically Rugby League or aussie rules football ) and reality television as a de facto substitute for such. Bogans tend also to be obsessed with cars and the variations that can be made to them. Many bogans sport unnecessary add-on spoilers on their sedans.

[edit]General appearance
Bogans are inherently ugly in appearance, some wealthier bogans are actually obsessively vain. Celebrity bogan men will often appear on hair loss commercials. Many bogans wear the mullet hairstyle. Some bogan men wear beanies or caps to hide their receding hairlines or simply shave their heads. Those with full hair will often still wear mullets or use highlights. Many bogans use fake tan, visit solariums or sunbake for long periods. It is not uncommon for a bogan to spend hours at the gym building up their biceps, but are proud of their beer bellies and rarely practice sit-ups. Some bogans will even try to expose themselves publicly to acknowledge their vanity. Bogan men are also obsessive womanisers, and will often two-time or even flirt openly with other women in front of their girlfriends without any sense of guilt.

Stereotypical clothing includes Moccasin-style slippers, ugg boots (especially outdoors), tight black jeans, singlets, flannelette shirts (or black jerseys and jeans in Waitakere) and prominent tattoos. Summer attire typically features short, tight 'footy shorts', blue singlets and thongs and sunnies. Tracksuits (somewhat anachronistic in the early 21st century) are also occasionally worn by younger bogans, generally due to their low cost. Female bogans in New Zealand favour tight skinny-fit jeans, tie-dyed Jim Beam t-shirts and bleached blonde hair. Loud and sometimes flourescent colours in clothing are often worn by bogans and it is not uncommon to find bogan men wearing normally taboo colours like pink. Bogans often get heavily into recently outdated fashions ie; eyebrow piercing, von dutch label clothing, etc.

[edit]Teleportation
Bogans are often stereotyped as driving loud, obnoxious cars of American or (in Australia) Australian manufacture such as older model modified Holden Commodores or Ford Falcons. The XF Falcon and VK Commodore are particularly highly prized vehicles. Australians who are associated with bad or fast driving can be labeled as a "hoon", a variation of the Bogan. In fact, the term is so wide spread that the Western Australian, South Australian and Tasmanian state governments have brought in what are known as 'Anti-Hoon' laws to cut down on young males causing auto accidents by excessive speed and street racing. New Zealand enacted similar laws in 2003 better known as the "Boy Racer Act".

A Bogan's dwelling will typically contain a large number of cars in various state of repair, invariably due to a lack of money. This phenomenon is described in a scene taken from the hit Australian movie: "The Castle".

Dad: Steve, could you move the Camira, I need to get the Torana out so I can get to the Commodore.
Steve: I'll have to get the keys to the Cortina if I'm gonna move that Camira.
Dad: Yeah, watch the boat mate.
Steve: Yeah.

[edit]Habitats
Prominent Bogan locales:

Hamilton
Adelaide: Salisbury, Elizabeth
Brisbane: Logan, Sunnybank, Gailes, majority of Ipswich. Wether Ipswich is a city filed with bogans or is simply a hole in the ground is still a point under intensive debate.
Hobart: Bridgewater, Chigwell, Sorell, Claremont, Midway Point, Warrane, Rokeby, Clarendon Vale, Mornington, Risdon Vale, Glenorchy, Gagebrook, Moonah, Abbotsford, Rosetta, Goodwood, Doyle's House. It's actually easier to list where bogans don't live in this quaint little town. The Tasmanian government is still investigating whether such places exist. Generall speaking, Hobart has the highest bogan density in Australia. (N.B. The true understanding of a Bogan is not usually understood by persons living outside of Tasmania)
Melbourne: Frankston, Geelong, Broadmeadows, Warneet.
Perth: Northern suburbs but since these have largely been taken over by the Poms, and since bogans can't stand anyone who can't down a couple of VB's for breakfast, they have begun a fascinating migration to the suburbs surrounding the industrial zone of Kwinana, popular spot is Medina. Gosnells is also popular...
Sydney: Doonside, Rooty Hill, Mt. Druitt, St. Marys, Redfern, Werrignton and Kingswood.
Canberra: Kambah, charnwood, latham.
The bogan capital of New Zealand is generally said to be Gore, a farming town in Southland. Bogans converge at night in Gore's wide streets, especially the centre parks in the main street. There has been steady civic pressure to remove the parking in the middle of Gore's main street to end its use as a bogan hangout. Invercargill and Christchurch also have large bogan populations.

McDonalds restaurants are the hang-out of choice for many bogans, and they will proudly display a loyalty discount sticker on the windscreen of their cars, along with the obligatory pair of fuzzy dice from their rear-view mirrors or figurines stuck on or near their car windows, such as garfield, nodding dog, troll doll or a dancing Elvis.

[edit]Diet
The consumption of potent forms of alcohol features prominently in the bogan lifestyle. Among those from Melbourne, Victoria Bitter beer would undoubtedly be the most sought after type, (due to a combination of both price and nationalistic associations). In New Zealand, Lion Red would be chosen for the same reasons. However, several spirits including rum (especially Bundy), bourbon, or Scotch whisky are also favoured, the primary consideration being an acceptable expense/potency ratio. Although cheap varieties of vodka also exist, it is seen as a female's drink and is therefore usually avoided by males. Cask wine, or Goon as it is more commonly known, is also favoured amongst the bogan population for its low cost and large quantity. Other forms of cheap wine such as Passion Pop or Spumante are a popular beverage for the younger bogan (12-14 years of age) and is traditionaly the very first drink they get inebriated from.

Bourbon and coke ("bogan juice") also commands a noteworthy position in the bogan's life. It is most commonly of the premixed variety, in half-litre cans, and serves as lubricant for all of the bogan's social interactions. As with some other groups, pubs are often seen as the bogan social centre, and tend to be considered almost holy places.

[edit]Drug use
Besides alcohol and tobacco, bogan culture is not associated with any particular drug, although methampthetamine and marijuana use is highly popular (Sunbury, a minor bogan heartland in Victoria, was the scene of a number of marijuana-related police raids during 2002-2003, before which the sale of the drug in the suburb was semi-public and bordered on plague proportions) and occasionally features in bogan popular culture such as the film Mallboy.

[edit]Music
"Bogan rock" is an umbrella term for several artists and genres that commonly includes some elements of psychedelia, heavy metal, Big-Hair Rock, or, in Australia, nearly any Australian rock band from the 1970s and 1980s. In 2000 a Bogan Rock Festival was held in rural Victoria to some critical and financial success, suggesting that the term's derogatory power is becoming eroded.

In Australia, it is generally accepted that if a bogan national anthem were to exist it would be the 1980's Jimmy Barnes/Cold Chisel classic, "Khe Sanh", however due to the immense influence that Australian Rules Football has on bogan culture, the song "Holy Grail" by Hunters and Collectors must not avoid consideration. In Melbourne 'Run to Paradise' by the Choirboys is generally considered the ultimate bogan anthem. In New Zealand, "Bliss" (a.k.a. "Drink Yourself Wobbly") by Th' Dudes or most songs by The Exponents hold comparable favour among the bogan population.

Compilations such as 2003's "Songs for my ute" and the subsequent "More songs for my ute" both showcase the finest of Bogan Rock. More Recently there has been a 2 CD collection dedicated solely to the Australian bogan entitled "The All Time Greatest Bogan Songs".

Bogans in the 21st century have demonstrated a capacity to embrace music genres beyond their traditional pub rock heritage. Recent bogan anthems include dance tracks ("Addicted to Bass" by Josh Abrahams, "Voodoo Child" by Rogue Traders, remixed versions of pub rock classics) and releases by Australian Idol contestants such as Shannon Noll. Bogans are also believed to be the driving force behind the 2005 popularity of the Crazy Frog music releases.

The lyrics to the song "Nobody Likes a Bogan" by Melbourne ska band Area 7 encapsulate and summarise virtually the entire bogan lifestyle. The band also veered away from the traditional ska sound for which they are famed in favour of a more Pub Rock sound for this song.

[edit]Prominent Australasian examples
The Australian singer Jimmy Barnes could almost certainly be considered the prototypical bogan. His music is particularly prized among bogans, as his lyrics tend to encapsulate the bogan perspective. He also comes from Salisbury, South Australia (see above).
The television series Kath & Kim is an affectionate look at bogans. Similarly, the cult television lifestyle series Blokesworld is an accurate study and portrayal of "boganism" (or "blokedom", as the show refers to it). Bogan culture has also been a common subject in Australian stand-up and sketch comedy, with comedian Chris Franklin]releasing a #1 single, "Bloke", a bogan's response to "" by American musician Meredith Brooks, and sung to the same tune.
Australian actor Eric Bana became famous on an australian Sketch comedy TV show called Full Frontal for his bogan character Poida (Peter). Poida was so popular that he had his own chat show.
New Zealand comedy characters of "Lynn of Tawa", created by Ginette McDonald, and "Neville Purvis", created by Arthur Baysting are popular bogans while Ewen Gilmour's popularity as a stand-up comedian from West Auckland is known as Ewen "Westie" Gilmour.
Chopper Read, a criminal famous for his executions of prominent Australian underworld figures, also typifes the bogan culture, though is an extreme example, as his murderous activities would suggest.
Shane Warne, Australian cricket player, famous for SMS flirtations and womanising that caused the breakup of his marriage. Public drinking, loutish behaviour and obscene gestures are commonplace for this man. Despite constant problems with weight, Warne displays the typical bogan behaviour of obsessive vanity and appearing on hairloss advertisements.
Russell Crowe, actor and member of the band 30 Odd Foot of Grunts is also very much the epitome of an Aussie bogan. Demanding VB stubbies after the Oscars, passion for bar brawls, love of Rugby League, flannellette shirts and womanising are all tell tale signs.
Mark 'Jacko' Jackson, former AFL player for the Geelong Football Club became a celebrity because of his penchant obscene gestures, handstands, wearing singlets and crying Oi.
Warwick Capper, former AFL player for the Sydney Swans and Brisbane Bears is categorised as a class-A bogan. His famous mullet, pink boots, tight shorts and low IQ and penchant for blonde women and exposing himself on reality television are all tell-tale signs.
[edit]Non-Australian bogans
Although not Australian, the following celebrities would qualify as bogan:

Ozzy Osborne
David Beckham
Michael Bolton
Billy Ray Cyrus
Wayne Rooney