Amusing Product labels

[champsky]

On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

On the bottle-top of a UK milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.

On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.

On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
Too late! You lose!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
Are you sure? Let's experiment.

On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
As opposed to...

On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
Now I'm curious.

On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.

On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?

On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy.

On some frozen dinners -
SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box -
FITS ONE HEAD.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine -
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

On Nytol sleep aid -
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.