After some perspective

[GasoLane]

You could always say "Go for it, most of the AFF lads are coming over here for a party and to keep me company"

[uranium_death]

It's Sus. If he has a problem with you, he should be telling you, rather than going off with floozies to settle his urges.

You need to talk with him and seriously and be up front with your concerns.

[Quasi]

Sorry, but I have to be brutally honest here.

As much as I'd like to be all soft and squishy about it.....If I did that it would be for 1 reason, and 1 reason only. This guy needs a smack upside the head to remind him what's important, if it's as black & white as you lay it out (pardon me no pun intended).

Seriously, I'm friends with a few women I've never dated, but am very close to a couple of them, but I wouldn't travel 3,000 kms just to say hello.....C'MON!

....unless you've had him fixed at the vet, don't let him go.

Originally Posted by GasOLane

You could always say "Go for it, most of the AFF lads are coming over here for a party and to keep me company"

Nice one

[gozza]

If my Fiance was travelling 1 metre to meet up with an ex boyfriend i would crack the s****.
I could not possibly understand the nature of it.. 3000 k's and i would be asking myself why she would even considor wanting to go

So if i told her not to and she didn't go id still be cut that she even wanted to

[woodsy109]

I would be asking him what he thinks he will be getting out of this relationship with his ex. Sure his ex girlfriend has just broken up with someone and she either wants your bf's friendship or body, but what is your bf going to get out of it? He already has someone to confide in - you, so I would suggest that he doesn't just want her friendship.

I think you have two options, ask him straight up what he thinks he will get out of this friendship (this will probably confuse him cause it could mean a couple of things), or let him go and visit and wait to see if he comes back.

On a personal note, I have been in a relationship where she broke up with me and you do feel like you would like another chance at it (maybe it is a guy thing), but now that i'm in a committed relationship of 4yrs, even if I was contacted by her, I wouldn't want to see her anyway.

Do what you feel is best but I think that letting him go without discussing it will eat at you and even if he comes back and everything is fine, you will still have lost that little bit of trust in him.

[DOC]

Originally Posted by JC

I'm glad you clarified that; your relationship sounds about normal now, whereas your previous post sounded a lot less so..

Well JC i wished it was normal truth is, its a hard slog from time to time, no rose garden here thats for sure.

I'll tell you how hard it has been latley, I pack her bags and put them by the front door then pop out thinking when i get home the bags will be gone.

Well bugger me one day i get and to my surprise they were gone, I'm thinking christmas

But no, she simply took her bags back inside unpacked them and then packed my bags and put them where hers was.

The cycle starts again

[XCSEDAN]

Originally Posted by DOC

Well JC i wished it was normal truth is, its a hard slog from time to time, no rose garden here thats for sure.

I'll tell you how hard it has been latley, I pack her bags and put them by the front door then pop out thinking when i get home the bags will be gone.

Well bugger me one day i get and to my surprise they were gone, I'm thinking christmas

But no, she simply took her bags back inside unpacked them and then packed my bags and put them where hers was.

The cycle starts again

meh, simple, change the locks.
if you want her gone that is.

by the way, your husband sounds suss.... i'd be freaking out if my gf did that to me... i'd probably go with her, just so i could knock him out.

[Yaw]

Why can't she come here to see him where she can stay at a motel and you can all go out togther and hubbby comes home with you at the end of the night each night.
It seems to me he is happy enough to spend money on a holiday top see her, so what does that intail, Airfare there and back, motel fees, spending money?
Why not turn the tables and say if she has money problems it's ok to finace her trip to see him at your place and make sure he knows She will have a motel room that he will never go to without you.

[gtfpv]

Originally Posted by DOC

Well JC i wished it was normal truth is, its a hard slog from time to time, no rose garden here thats for sure.

I'll tell you how hard it has been latley, I pack her bags and put them by the front door then pop out thinking when i get home the bags will be gone.

Well bugger me one day i get and to my surprise they were gone, I'm thinking christmas

But no, she simply took her bags back inside unpacked them and then packed my bags and put them where hers was.

The cycle starts again

never mind DOC , you;ll just have to suffer like the rest of us. glad i dont pack my wifes bags . it would take along time to clear out 4 rooms.
be carefull doing this DOC . just sleep in another room . she doesnt want to go so don't force her to change the locks on you. as my dad always says . just put up with the shite .

[Falcon Coupe]

Originally Posted by gtfpv

never mind DOC , you;ll just have to suffer like the rest of us. glad i dont pack my wifes bags . it would take along time to clear out 4 rooms.
be carefull doing this DOC . just sleep in another room . she doesnt want to go so don't force her to change the locks on you. as my dad always says . just put up with the shite .

Your joking right ?

In my opinion, life is to short to stay with someone you don't get along with.

[XRated]

I think you know the general consensus here.

To be brutally honest, I'd be feeling mixed up if my girlfriend decided to meet up with her ex - even for lunch. 3,000kms and a week away? I would hope that wouldn't even cross her mind. If it did, I'm pretty sure something would be going on.

How often do you and your partner go away on week long trips? Sorry, but no offence, the more I type it the more ludicrous I think the whole situation is. So nothing might be going on (.00003% chance) but if you're feeling like this he should be a whole lot more understanding and tell the ex to bugger off where she came from. But you do know you have to confront him honestly, so hop to it.

Good luck.

[DOC]

Originally Posted by gtfpv

never mind DOC , you;ll just have to suffer like the rest of us. glad i dont pack my wifes bags . it would take along time to clear out 4 rooms.
be carefull doing this DOC . just sleep in another room . she doesnt want to go so don't force her to change the locks on you. as my dad always says . just put up with the shite .

Note to self, never get involved with peoples personal matters. For those clever enough i was just having a joke / some fun.

As if changing locks would help anyway, my wifes boyfriend is a locksmith

[uranium_death]

Hire a private detective. They'll confirm everything. Either innocent or guilty she be!

[JAJH]

Originally Posted by nfs2506

As the title states.. I am looking for some perspective, preferably male.
My other half of 11 years has recently got back in touch with an exgirlfriend whom he apparently had quite a friendship with. This I was cool with, seeing that she now lives 3000kms away :

However, it seems that my other half now has very enthusiastically decided to plan a trip to spend a week with her. And I must admit that I am now struggling to get my head around this one.

Now I fully realize that the mature and sensible thing to do in this situation would be to sit and discuss this with my partner. And I will at some point... out:

but at the moment I am looking for others thoughts, no matter how random or biased, as to how approriate this situation is and under what cicumstances/conditions and for what reasons you would consider undertaking such a trip.

It's a tough call for you, that's for sure, but coming from a previous marriage where my ex-wife started doing similar things, I can assure you there was nothing innocent about going out with an "old friend", suffice to say it was the beginning of the end. Whilst reading this thread, I turned to my wife (2nd wife) and asked her opinion and she stated without any hesitation there is no chance in the world would she allow me to go on a 3000 klm trip to catch up with an old girlfirend. But, from my perspective you have 3 choices, first you can let him go and live with the consequences, second you can refuse to let him go and run the risk he may continue to keep in contact with her behind your back and third, insist you go with him. Either way, you have to make a decision and you have a choice in the matter. If he insists on going without you, make sure he understands the consequences and that you equally have the right to make a decision and he won't have a bed to sleep in when he comes home.

[aussiblue]

I've been happily married for more than 30 years and I think some of the reason it has worked is that I (and my wife) have always resisted the temptations however innocent the invitations etc might seem to place myself (ourselves) in any situation that might be perceived as compromising my marriage.

I certainly would not consider even spending a day with an old girl friend let alone staying overnight. I might catch up with an ex in a public place with my wife's approval and probably with her along too but that as far as it would go.

I might even assist and ex who was in some sort of trouble provided I had my wife's approval and support. This has happened one and I got the Ok from the missus but it actually didn't involve me sopending time alone with the ex and it was somewhat of an exceptional compassionate circumstance.

[Ringo]

Yep....suss meter has blown out on this one. 3,000 kms is a long to catch up when there is the phone and internet at your fingertips so it must be about more than just conversation.....

If he doesn't get how uncomfortable you are about this then he is an idiot, so you must tell him, or else he wilol never know will think it is your problem when you explode or collapse in tears.....get on the front foot.

Mrs Ringo would have no problems with me meeting up the ex GF with her because she knows how much of fruit cake she was, that she was a cronic lying actress who would tell you anything to make herself look good....and that I'm still angry about the money she owes me that I know I will never see again....I'm still kicking myself for being so niave

[XR6TCraig]

You are right to be suss!

After all you didn't have a long term intimate sexual relationship with your girlfriend who you knew since primary school, did you? He's not comparing apples with apples to give you that example!

Ask yourself why would someone need to spend a week with there ex, who now lives 3000klm away, if it wasn't to try to rekindle something?

Get yourself invited or lay it all on the line ( you feelings on the matter that is). You need to be there, or he needs to know how uncomfortable this is making you feel. If he still goes, maybe it's time move on ( sorry to say)!

[The Yeti]

Discuss it with him its the grown up thing to do explain that you feel od that he would take a trip to see this person with out you and ask would he be ok if you went away for a week to see an ex, I dont care how close they were the facts are the same she was an ex she has jsut spolit up with a partner as other people have said it all sounds suss.

I go out with my freinds some guys some girls but its generaly as a group and my wife does the same we discuss every thing and i trust her unconditionaly but I have to admit if she said to me hay, you know that guy I was with? yea well he's split up with his Mrs yea we've been chatting and Ive desided to take a trip to go and see him you dong mind do you, well hell yea OK we discuss every thing but you have to look out for the warning signs and this is a big one that says wrong way go back.

[Ringo]

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