How do you deal with suicide? - Page 2

geckoGT · 03-11-2008, 07:40 PM

Very sorry for your loss, the end of such a young life is always devastating for all that are close to them.

Just remember that a family that leans on each other and remains close is stronger in their unity.

I think this is perhaps a good time to remind everyone, always take a threat seriously. If someone states that they are currently considering or planning suicide, you can not be sure they are not serious. Please call 000 and ask for ambulance (police if an act of violence is possible), remain with the person if you can (and safe) and wait for help to arrive.

I deal with at least 3-4 suicide threats a week and I treat every one as real, even if they have a history of it. I can assure you all, I have dealt with hundreds of these calls but I still can not tell with absolute certainty the difference between a true atempt and attention seeking. Do not try to counsel a friend or family, leave it to the experts that can listen objectively without personal involvement, they will do a better job.

schnoods · 03-11-2008, 07:41 PM

Sorry For Your Loss mate.

I do feel that selfish isnt the proper word but it plays a part. Reality is that even though the stresses of everyday life and misfortune can turn a person into a depressed state, it is the people around him that usually make it worth living. Leaving other people behind (especially family and friends) is considered selfish by many, but in the end maybe the particular person would rather them live life with out bring their own problems into the mix.

I had a mate's cousin a few years ago who jumped off a ledge, pressures of Uni, High Expectations from his parents, straining relationship with his girlfriend for whom he loved to bits was the reasons. He went out on a saturday night by himself and had a few drinks to clear his mind. From there he wrote a goodbye letter and the rest happened.

Saw the warning signs but never expected it to amount to what it did. .

GUTLES · 03-11-2008, 07:47 PM

Sorry to hear this Ryan, feel so sorry for his partner & especially his daughter, hope she has so great memories of her father.. Can't imagine what your going throught right now..

Nostalgia · 03-11-2008, 07:50 PM

My deepest sympathies to you Ryan and those around you at this sad time.

Adam.

Laminge · 03-11-2008, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by V3RSAC3

I think maybe a thread could be started up for people to talk about these greeving experiences, that allows others to get it out and to talk to other people who have experienced it... ... As, it's unfair to turn this thread into it as It's Ryans

Most Definitely NOT, I wouldn't let most people next to my car let alone give me sound advice.

There are website and people who are specialists in the field, this thread will never be more than sharing ones sympathy or directing, as someone already has, to the right people

Mark^^ · 03-11-2008, 08:12 PM

As a qualified Social Work and 20 years experience in counselling, the most difficult issue to deal with is a suicide in the family. Post suicide counselling easier than dealing with a suicidal person. Post suicidal counselling for family and friend last a life time and impacts on families down through the next generation.

For example when I was a family and adolescent counsellor, I saw families where a parent who had a brother/sister or uncle/aunt or other family member who committed suicide. They would let their own teenager do what ever they want and never say no, fearing saying no would turn them suicidal. Or wrap them up in cotton wool, or even fill the teenager’s room with everything they could possible need to try and prevent them from going out into the world and being hurt, again leading to suicide.

I have also done counselling with grand parents who are still dealing with the death of a close family member by suicided more than 60 years ago.

I hope you and all your family find support, and perhaps professional help through http://www.beyondblue.org/ or the black dog institute www.blackdoginstitute.org.au or lifeline if wanted. All these service can be a first point of contact for assistance and refer you to other services if needed.

S3SR · 03-11-2008, 08:12 PM

mate im very sorry to here the sad news

the only advice i can offer is be there for the rest of your family and just comfort and reassure it wasnt anyones fault

ive never really been directly affected by suicide but i do know of people who have taken their own lives and even my dad who passed away roughly 2 years after suffering for almost my entire life of 16yrs (im now 20) tried to take his too (died naturally from everything else), and now my sister who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer all i can say is be there for every moment and if you even slightly sense something unusual make it aware and support them..... death is tough for anyone

i will never think of someone who has commited suicide as selfish or anything, i do believe they had it rough or something pushed them over the edge, all we can do is support them and be there when its tough and hopefully they see the bright side...... otherwise rest in peace and lets honour that, they deserve it

truely sad to hear... almost brought a tear

RIP

Dazza XLT · 03-11-2008, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by outback_chick

Ryan sorry to hear your loss...
As some of you may know I had a guy attempt suicide on my ute.... and yes it made me angry and I thought about how "selfish" etc....

BUT then I realised.....

If you are in that state of mind... You don't think about who it affects... you don't think about why... you don't think about if you had asked for help of someone you wouldn't being committing this act.

YOU JUST DONT THINK.... so its not selfish and its not unselfish...

Its just not normal...

This was & still is my thinking.

My mum committed suicide when I was 12, and I found her in the garage after school. She had attempted suicide the week before, but had stopped herself somehow.
She hadn't been "Right" for a fair while, but had managed to hide it quite well.
Hadn't been taking her medication for a few weeks leading up to it either.

Anyway to cut a long story short- My old man remarried & turned to drinking big time and has basically destroyed his life. Anything of his that wasn't bolted down has been sold to pay for grog, including most of my mum's jewelery collection & my step-mum's digital camera & printer to name a few.
His 2nd wife left him last month, she's had a gutful of his lies & thieving & she's moving on with her life.
It sounds stupid, but I believe I am a better person for what I've gone through. My mum always said that I'd do her proud, and I believe I have, and will continue to do so into the future.

Don't be afraid to talk to others either Ryan, it can help you & those around you a lot. There's plenty of help around, it's just a matter of tracking it down.

Here's my theory-
When life gets tough, you're sitting at a T Intersection.
You can turn left down the rough road, and let the tough times get the better of you & turn to grog/drop the ball etc (My old man)
Or you can turn right down the freshly laid hot-seal, slot it back two cogs hold it flat & keep on going with life.

Hope that made sense.
Dazza.

Ryan · 03-11-2008, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by V3RSAC3

I think maybe a thread could be started up for people to talk about these greeving experiences, that allows others to get it out and to talk to other people who have experienced it... ... As, it's unfair to turn this thread into it as It's Ryans

It doesn't bother me mate if other people share their experiences. It's helping me understand how to deal with it better.

I would like to thank everyone who has posted. I highly appreciate it.

Today when I was by myself I got upset, but when I think of the good times it makes me relax.

I don't think the cold hard reality will hit until the funeral.

samsy351 · 03-11-2008, 08:54 PM

Ryan i feel for you and he family. Just be there for each other.

I know how it feels, my brother did it in 93.

I dont think he was selfish.
For Those that think it is selfish, well it seems the people who think that are only concerned with themselves and how things affect them and not the person in trouble. Its probably why people who do suicide think that there is no-one there for them with friends like that.
The last person I thought about when my brother did it was myself. All i could think about was him and what he went through.
Can u even imagine what "state" they are in at that time ? To even contemplate killing themselves, ending it all?

I dont think its selfish or cowardly. can any of you imagine how much guts it would take to make that decision to kill themselves. To actually take those final steps knowing what was about to happen.
I have nothing but respect for my bro.

Ryan , if u need someone to talk to , just pm me mate . We'll take it from there.

V3RSAC3 · 03-11-2008, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryan

I don't think the cold hard reality will hit until the funeral.

My Nonna past away around 2months ago, and I cried on my own alot. Was a pole bearer at her funeral, and held my chin up. But it wasn't until the coffin hit the bottom of the grave that it finally hit me. I broke down there, just turned to my mum, put my arms round her n cried on her shoulder. It wasn't until then though that I was that upset. Or had really cried infront of people (besides at the hospital, she had been dying for around 6 months so we had time to deal with it, why I wasn't really upset to begin with), Made me have to sit down and do breathing methods by the nurse that was there (for my zia). ...

So, my point is that, it can hit you at anytime. Just be prepared, and don't hold back with the crying, it helps you feel better so much, like all the greif being released :(

geckoGT · 03-11-2008, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryan

It doesn't bother me mate if other people share their experiences. It's helping me understand how to deal with it better.

I would like to thank everyone who has posted. I highly appreciate it.

Today when I was by myself I got upset, but when I think of the good times it makes me relax.

I don't think the cold hard reality will hit until the funeral.

It will be hard day, no doubt about it.

You have proven here that you are able to talk about it, that is your strength. I am sure you will get through and I know you will be an asset to your family.

Don't forget if you or your family are doing it tough, there is help out there and some of the links are on this thread.

Ryan · 03-11-2008, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by V3RSAC3

My Nonna past away around 2months ago, and I cried on my own alot. Was a pole bearer at her funeral, and held my chin up. But it wasn't until the coffin hit the bottom of the grave that it finally hit me. I broke down there, just turned to my mum, put my arms round her n cried on her shoulder. It wasn't until then though that I was that upset. Or had really cried infront of people (besides at the hospital, she had been dying for around 6 months so we had time to deal with it, why I wasn't really upset to begin with), Made me have to sit down and do breathing methods by the nurse that was there (for my zia). ...

So, my point is that, it can hit you at anytime. Just be prepared, and don't hold back with the crying, it helps you feel better so much, like all the greif being released :(

I know what you mean mate. Before my grandad died I had a moment where I just broke down. Like above today when I was by myself I started getting a bit upset. Not breaking down, but I could feel tears in my eyes.

At funerals I always try to remain strong, but I'll always shed a tear. It's going to by tough, because all the funerals I've been to have been the result of a natural cause, or illness, and we expected them to die. This one has caught all of us completely off guard.

It's just hard to imagine he was only 2 years older than me. I think it's going to be a eye opener, and it'll teach me life shouldn't be taken for granted.

V3RSAC3 · 03-11-2008, 09:14 PM

It's good to shed a tear bro! Doesn't make you any less of a man, and nobody looks at you differently! ... You can't hold it in, it just bottles up. If you are a person who doesn't like to cry infront of others, or feels uncomfortable doing it. Go for a drive, park down a side empty road and let it out, where no-one can see you ...

But I just find letting it out helps me. You know yourself better than anyone

slo351 · 03-11-2008, 09:38 PM

i had a mate O.D 2 months ago, same sorta deal.. was going thro trial looking at jail time and was on home d with a bracelet. his family said he was having night mares and took sleeping tablets, it hard to believe, but i feel depression certainly set in... everyone grieves differently mate, and you will figure out whats best for you.. i still picture my mate coming into work for a chat like he used to do every week.. but i know he's gone.. i feel sorry for the poor little girl that grows up without a dad. or his partner that has to tell her or hide it from her.. either way its not nice..

V3RSAC3 · 03-11-2008, 09:45 PM

*Mod please delete this post*

schnoods · 03-11-2008, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dazza XL

This was & still is my thinking.

My mum committed suicide when I was 12, and I found her in the garage after school. She had attempted suicide the week before, but had stopped herself somehow.
She hadn't been "Right" for a fair while, but had managed to hide it quite well.
Hadn't been taking her medication for a few weeks leading up to it either.

Anyway to cut a long story short- My old man remarried & turned to drinking big time and has basically destroyed his life. Anything of his that wasn't bolted down has been sold to pay for grog, including most of my mum's jewelery collection & my step-mum's digital camera & printer to name a few.
His 2nd wife left him last month, she's had a gutful of his lies & thieving & she's moving on with her life.
It sounds stupid, but I believe I am a better person for what I've gone through. My mum always said that I'd do her proud, and I believe I have, and will continue to do so into the future.

Don't be afraid to talk to others either Ryan, it can help you & those around you a lot. There's plenty of help around, it's just a matter of tracking it down.

Here's my theory-
When life gets tough, you're sitting at a T Intersection.
You can turn left down the rough road, and let the tough times get the better of you & turn to grog/drop the ball etc (My old man)
Or you can turn right down the freshly laid hot-seal, slot it back two cogs hold it flat & keep on going with life.

Hope that made sense.
Dazza.

Great Post Mate. Im sure we've all been in a situation like that at some time.

Ryan · 07-11-2008, 04:28 PM

Well today was his funeral, and it was the saddest funeral I've ever been to. His fiance was absolutely devastated. Her cries are what made the whole service so sad.

It's just sad knowing 1 week ago he was probably hanging out with mates, and having a good time, but 1 week later we attended his funeral.

I think this experience has given me a greater appreciation of life, and has taught me life should never be taken for granted.

Thankyou to everyone who gave their support. I cannot thank you enough.

**Bluepower** · 07-11-2008, 04:45 PM

Very sad, sorry to hear mate, all the best from BPR team.

290v · 07-11-2008, 09:07 PM

My brother-inlaw committed suicide 4 yrs ago with a 12 g shotgun my sister found him was due to depression he gave up left my sister and 2 small boys behind you have to move on it is hard but myself i haven't forgiven him yet for leaving them like that

gtfpv · 07-11-2008, 09:21 PM

i havent read this thread .
bu8t i'll put my 2c in . i feel for anyone touched by suicide . i think the main thing , is that you cant cope with such an act. on this basis alone i hope anyone whoever thinks of doing it, doesn't . because it leaves loved ones devestated and impacts lives for generations. . the way i think of suicide is a spare of the moment thing. however the consequences of ones actions can last 100 years.
we can feel like nothing matters / or there is no cure for your pain .
BUT THERE IS . SEEK HELP. NO MATTER WHAT IT IS , COUNSILLERS HAVE HEARD WORSE. SO DONT BE AFRAID TO SEEK HELP. SO MANY PEOPLE GO THROUGH SO MUCH IN LIFE . BUT THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER DOOR THAT YOU HAVENT WALKED THROUGH YET . AND ANOTHER LIFE IN THE FUTURE TO EXPLORE . . years later people sometimes look back . with a whole new situation and are happy .

ALWAYS HANG IN THERE .

and you can only stop yourself commiting suicide you can never gaurantee someone elses actions , only your own . but try to help whoever needs it if you can . you may prevent it in some instances . which would be fantastic.

JC · 07-11-2008, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by charliewool

That maybe your opinion but sorry. I disagree... And I also think it's a bit harsh for you to generalise on such a delicate subject.
People that get this low consider what they're doing as an act of not only freeing themselves of the torment but also as freeing everyone else close to them from further pain and burden..
And that is NOT selfish... The complete opposite actually!
I'm sure this has been covered in a previous thread.
Which ever way we look at it.. It IS an utter tragedy, and occuring way too often amongst our young... Condolences for your loss Ryan.. Chin up mate!

I agree.

Ryan - In Feb this year, My brother did what your cousin did - he couldn't live with the Demons (manic depression) that too much "E", "K" etc left him with. He was 33, and looking to get married to his long time GF.

The hardest part is trying to understand why, and to that there is no answer. Perhaps "Because" is the only answer, but I was always taught that "because" is not a reason. IMO, the only people who can truly understand what a successful suicide was thinking, are other successful suicides unfortunately; others may think they know, but I'll bet they can't really know! The human spirit is all about self preservation and the fight for life, so for someone to defy that inbuilt programming, things must be so bad that they see no option but to end it all; I'm not saying I agree with that idea, but it's how I reconcile what my brother did in the face of a successful career, a loving girlfriend/fiancee and a loving family.

How do I get by? Day to day, week to week. It's hard at times, and at others it's OK. The 20th of every month sucks for me. Certain songs still suck. Certain TV shows depicting various forms of death bring back memories; some good, some bad, but usually teary. It's never good when I think about him (what I mean is, I may smile, but then I realise I miss him; oh, oh, there go the tears again).

All I can say is that time does heal all wounds; it doesn't stop the questions or wondering about why etc, but it does make it easier to deal with.

One last tip - don't drink to forget about it; grog only makes it worse!