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The Bar For non Automotive Related Chat |
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19-01-2005, 01:56 PM | #1 | ||
Regular Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 81
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A guy walks into a pharmacy and goes up to the Pharmacist and asks for a vile of arsenic.
The Pharmacist asks, "What do you need it for?" The guy replies, "It's to kill my wife". The Pharmacist exclaims, "I can't sell you arsenic to kill your wife." With that the guy reaches into his wallet and pulls out a picture of his wife. The Pharmacist looks at the picture and says, "I didn't realise you had a prescription." ------------------------------------------------- There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. I know you all have experienced this, and here's the way one old guy handled it. An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my penis," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded doctor's office and say that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private." The man walked out, waited several minutes and the reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice."And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?" "I can't **** out of it," the man replied. ------------------------------------------------- A woman goes into Rebel Sports to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's 21st birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Rebel check-out clerk is standing there wearing dark glasses. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's an eight-foot surf caster Shakespeare graphite 667 Model rod fitted with a Shimano Calcutta 400 reel, spooled with 20lb Berkley Fireline. It's a good all around combination, and it's on sale this week for only $199.00." She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realises it's not likely that the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. He may not even know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $254.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $199.00? How did you get $254.50?" He replies, "Yes, Ma'am, the rod and reel is $199.00, but the duck caller is $36.00 and the fishing bait is $19.50."
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Every day above ground is a good day. Still Drinking & Driving, But Not At The Same Time |
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19-01-2005, 02:05 PM | #2 | ||
Ford Fanatic
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 326
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hehe nice ones mate
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19-01-2005, 05:02 PM | #3 | ||
Lucifer's Angel
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Sydney
Posts: 5,282
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The first 2 are great!! I think I may have read the second two before though. Still funny al the same.
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SINISTER BA XR6 Blueprint, manual, 4490's, Redback 2.5" dual exhaust, BA Typhoon rims, tint, fog light covers, BF tailights, blue illuminated window switches, Ghia bootlid carpet, lower grille, FPV door spears, steering wheel & interior bits, XR6T + F6 intake, K&N filter, Typhoon spoiler, tuned, sway bars, custom angel eyes & plates..YUM!
If there's one thing guys in Holdens hate more than being beaten by a Ford... It's being beaten by a girl driving a Ford |
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19-01-2005, 05:14 PM | #4 | ||
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Tauranga, New Zealand
Posts: 1,488
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Haha, they're all excellent!
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19-01-2005, 07:13 PM | #5 | ||
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,521
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haha, funny stuff their...
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Me fail English? That's unpossible.
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19-01-2005, 07:21 PM | #6 | ||
meow
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Where the Pirates are.
Posts: 2,744
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Heard the last one before.... still makes me laugh tho
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19-01-2005, 07:31 PM | #7 | ||
E-series mutantette
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Murray Bridge, SA
Posts: 270
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lol nice one, read that last one not to long ago :P still a goodie though
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'93 ED GLi Falcon White, auto, performance 15's, Pioneer DEH-P4650 MP3 H/U, Pioneer 6's. Future mods: Speed Holes! |
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19-01-2005, 09:06 PM | #8 | ||
THCC Motorsport member 1
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: the ghetto....no im being serious!
Posts: 1,139
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hehehehehe
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Southcyde Designs<------click here : Member of the MTAS Founder of TTM (team twink motorsport) Founder of the AFFDDPS (Australian Ford Forums Drink Driving Punishment Squad) |
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19-01-2005, 11:13 PM | #9 | ||
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livin On The Edge
Posts: 7,354
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1st one is ok but the second to are **** funny.
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19-01-2005, 11:14 PM | #10 | |||
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livin On The Edge
Posts: 7,354
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Quote:
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