Depression, Anxiety

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by olfella

I think I can manage my depression but like a few on here now, it is the explosive reactions I have. I can control them to some extent by recognising the symptoms and removing myself from situations. Where I cannot do this is when all hell breaks out and it can go as fast as it arrives. I have no answers and nor does some of the professionals I have visited.

I hear you old man, cause it gets tiresome and I'm at the point where a smack in the head is something i welcome cause i feel i deserve it, but verbal abuse demeaning degrading me because of what my disorder has resulting in doing/not doing can cause shameful reactions that i cant bare to recall as to not fall deeper into depression, so please loved ones ,mates , anyone who chose to befriend a mentally ill person and truly wish to support, learn the methods to do so, cause Captain Obvious remarks, no matter how well intended, can be taken way out of context when mentally ill, support groups or pdfs are abundant, so if you look together and agree on the type of supportive actions as a trial, no fingers need to be pointed and another practice can be trialled

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

My biggest issues is my anger, not because i get violent, but because i have an almost zero tolerance to people who i percieve are trying to take advantage of me

This.

Add to this people who I know blatantly lie to me and then deny they are and **** me I blow my stack.

I did actually do this yesterday when I felt someone attacked me at work cause they wanted something (tone of the request) and I could have belted them. Lucky the new team leader is a better leader than the old one and was understanding of my position as he is going through a lot of garbage too.

I'm also doing a MSV course to help me understand why I might get violent and how to deter it.

[solarite_guy]

Originally Posted by Geeseman

. My mother told me to just 'get over it'.
.

I absolutely hated the "ignore them" comment. It was an absolute, non-starter.

[solarite_guy]

Originally Posted by Boosted8

I'm studying IT.

That's a broad topic. What is your particular interest?

[solarite_guy]

Originally Posted by 1TUFFUTE

Just wondering.....was the violence you saw and suffered mostly in the neibourhood as such, or did it flow heavily into the school yard?

Absolutely, it was in the schools. ahhh, you give me a chance to talk about the older Ms English. So long ago. I think I recall her name as Judy. A couple years older than me and an absolute goddess. Long black hair, blue eyes, mini skirts, long legs and high heals. Keep that image.

Here is an example of why my ex thinks I have a form of childhood PTSD. Why should I remember so many details. It's almost like I relive it.

There was this one piece of crap who had to repeat who knows how many levels of education and would constantly go out of his way at the school bus stop or even on the bus, to humiliate, ridicule and terrorise anyone he wanted to. Just because he could. One day he starts smacking one of my friends in the head. My friend is sitting right next to me and this piece of crap reaches across and just starts smacking my friend in the head.

I threw a block to stop him. Got up and took a defensive position. I saw a twitch from his lat and knew a punch was coming my way. Threw another block and damn it, his hand came right inside my block and smacked me right upside the head. His mouth starts moving and a bunch of unintelligible words came out.

Right now I'm thinking "oh ****", this guy has a bad disposition, is twice my size, has me in his sites and knows what he is doing with the fists.

I go back to "oh ****" again, but damnit I'm going to make him pay for this win.

Out of the blue, here comes Judy, the goddess, and smacks him up side the head as hard as she could. Starts yelling at him, calling him all sorts of things and not to use this bus again. He didn't dare touch her. The whole bus load of students would have jumped him. Thank you Judy.

Crazy that such situations had to develop.

[BLUEYBA]

Originally Posted by superyob

Is it possible to be depressed without knowing it? (General question, not related to myself...)

definitely. you don't actually see it in yourself and you blame others. the first part of getting well is first admitting that you have a problem and taking those first steps. Its very hard tho to make people recognise that they have it

[Boosted8]

Originally Posted by solarite_guy

That's a broad topic. What is your particular interest?

I only posted that in response to another member because he asked what I was studying.

IT is indeed a broad subject but I'm actually involved in basically every aspect including programming, web development, networking and customer support.

Of course, each of those core subjects branch off into others but it's not relevant to explain exactly what I'm versed in and I doubt anyone really cares

[supershifty]

Originally Posted by supershifty

When I was going through puberty and into my mid 20's I had a very explosive temper, I mean very violent and would "snap" easily without warning. I was either calm as a church mouse or full on tilt, had no control whatsoever.

I'd "black out" and not remember a thing of what I had done while in a fit of rage. 9 times out of 10 I regretted my actions.

I'd think about my actions with much regret for what I had done. Guilt for what I did is/was a major contributing factor that I had to get my head around this temper.

It took a while to teach myself to calm down and walk away from the problem. Make a decision when you're rational. I've never regretted a decision I've made that way.

Takes some practice to take a few breaths and walk lads - totally worth it.

Cheers!

Upon reflection to the above post, I'll add to it.

When I was learning to calm the f down and chilling about my anger with people, I looked inside myself and asked myself this question: How did I contribute to this situation? It's all too easy to put the blame on someone else, it takes action and reaction. Not always the other persons fault.

You've got to be honest with yourself first guys. Part of my "tool" kit for dealing with crap.

I'm winning this battle, not over yet by a long mile.

Cheers!

[superyob]

Originally Posted by supershifty

You've got to be honest with yourself first


Cheers!

Aaaameeen!!! This applies in all aspects of life, whether suffering a condition or not. This is the number 1 way forward in anybody's journey through life...

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by solarite_guy

Absolutely, it was in the schools. ahhh, you give me a chance to talk about the older Ms English. So long ago. I think I recall her name as Judy. A couple years older than me and an absolute goddess. Long black hair, blue eyes, mini skirts, long legs and high heals. Keep that image.

Here is an example of why my ex thinks I have a form of childhood PTSD. Why should I remember so many details. It's almost like I relive it.

There was this one piece of crap who had to repeat who knows how many levels of education and would constantly go out of his way at the school bus stop or even on the bus, to humiliate, ridicule and terrorise anyone he wanted to. Just because he could. One day he starts smacking one of my friends in the head. My friend is sitting right next to me and this piece of crap reaches across and just starts smacking my friend in the head.

I threw a block to stop him. Got up and took a defensive position. I saw a twitch from his lat and knew a punch was coming my way. Threw another block and damn it, his hand came right inside my block and smacked me right upside the head. His mouth starts moving and a bunch of unintelligible words came out.

Right now I'm thinking "oh ****", this guy has a bad disposition, is twice my size, has me in his sites and knows what he is doing with the fists.

I go back to "oh ****" again, but damnit I'm going to make him pay for this win.

Out of the blue, here comes Judy, the goddess, and smacks him up side the head as hard as she could. Starts yelling at him, calling him all sorts of things and not to use this bus again. He didn't dare touch her. The whole bus load of students would have jumped him. Thank you Judy.

Crazy that such situations had to develop.

Relate to that all too well, I don't know what era your schooling was, but mine in the late 70s to early 80s was not metrosexual friendly, meaning i only had a niece 9months older than me , her sister 3 years younger and 5 female cousins a year and 2 , each side of me, 2 elder sisters and a neurotic overbearing martyr mother figure, as my role models, so when this adhd neurotic girly boy got picked on, a girl came to his rescue, oh the shame, thats all i felt.. THAT'S ALL.. huh! No ONE was aware of the long term mental health damage added to a broken minded kid. 35years later and we now get to discuss and understand and hopefully for most, recover. And most importantly guide our kids to suit their Personality, not what we think is best, i tried to show my son how to stand up to bullies n to use intellect, but i could see he wasn't going to as he too has conflict anxiety, so we discussed how he would prefer to deal with life's hurdles and I'm confident he will never have to snap n use violence, bar the fact that he is an intelligent nerd at uni now, he jokes that he only has to threaten to call his BPD dad, which deep down i know that would be worse for him than copping a wedgie and moving on.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by Boosted8

I only posted that in response to another member because he asked what I was studying.

IT is indeed a broad subject but I'm actually involved in basically every aspect including programming, web development, networking and customer support.

Of course, each of those core subjects branch off into others but it's not relevant to explain exactly what I'm versed in and I doubt anyone really cares

Mate i care you care, trying to upload a photo does my head in, can't imagine how you shake it off at the end of a day, but thanks cause i do like technology advancing

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by superyob

Aaaameeen!!! This applies in all aspects of life, whether suffering a condition or not. This is the number 1 way forward in anybody's journey through life...

Isn't that the plain truth of it all, admit to being human can elude many people, hey it took me near 40 years to openly tell people i may annoy or offend you unintentionally or intentionally without cause, i have a mental illness but could also just feel like being a pri...priceless non conformer for a change of pace.

[Tui2]

Does anyone else, just once in blue moon, enjoy watching a strangers unsure reactive response to something you just blurted out to get a bite out of them , as if they were old friends? or it could be another sympton of BPD, like i enjoy faining arrogance to hide introversion or something Freudian anyway

[superyob]

Originally Posted by Trejo

Does anyone else, just once in blue moon, enjoy watching a strangers unsure reactive response to something you just blurted out to get a bite out of them , as if they were old friends? or it could be another sympton of BPD, like i enjoy faining arrogance to hide introversion or something Freudian anyway

I am sure maybe everybody does a bit of this. It's probably a human behaviour that we use to 'check out' the leanings of people unknown to ourselves...

[Boosted8]

Originally Posted by Trejo

Mate i care you care, trying to upload a photo does my head in, can't imagine how you shake it off at the end of a day, but thanks cause i do like technology advancing

Things certainly can become overwhelming at times but technology is something I've been passionate about ever since my parents bought me a gameboy pocket for my fifth birthday

I'm just glad I do not have to work help desk any more because that drives me up the wall. I like helping people but nobody likes being treated like crap or being treated like another person's mistake is their own. Still, I'm experiencing a considerable amount of isolation at the moment as well as feeling a lot of pressure trying to maintain a healthy work/study/personal life balance.

I often wonder what ever happened to the confidence and happiness I felt a few years ago

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by supershifty

Upon reflection to the above post, I'll add to it.

When I was learning to calm the f down and chilling about my anger with people, I looked inside myself and asked myself this question: How did I contribute to this situation? It's all too easy to put the blame on someone else, it takes action and reaction. Not always the other persons fault.

You've got to be honest with yourself first guys. Part of my "tool" kit for dealing with crap.

I'm winning this battle, not over yet by a long mile.

Cheers!

If you were asked to undertake a 4 yr apprenticeship in 3 months, got 2 weeks in only to be told there is no pay for those 3 months despite agreeing to be paid from day 1, who is at fault?

If i then said i'd agreed to do the job for 20k less per year than the going rate and agreed to take less in the first half of the contract so they could coninue paying the current greenkeeper for 3 months whilst he taught me his trade. What more should i do to accommodate.

If you went to work and were twice as productive as the bloke going home early on a long weekend, would you accept it.

I know i've got issues, i take responsibility for that and manage them the best i can, but i wont tolerate being used.

[solarite_guy]

Originally Posted by Boosted8

Of course, each of those core subjects branch off into others but it's not relevant to explain exactly what I'm versed in and I doubt anyone really cares

I know, unless your friends are in IT there is really not much to discuss with your friends. If you get into any kind of detail they look at you like you have 2 heads, are green and speaking martian.

[solarite_guy]

Originally Posted by Trejo

Relate to that all too well, I don't know what era your schooling was, but mine in the late 70s to early 80s was not metrosexual friendly, meaning i only had a niece 9months older than me , her sister 3 years younger and 5 female cousins a year and 2 , each side of me, 2 elder sisters and a neurotic overbearing martyr mother figure, as my role models, so when this adhd neurotic girly boy got picked on, a girl came to his rescue, oh the shame, thats all i felt.. THAT'S ALL.. huh! No ONE was aware of the long term mental health damage added to a broken minded kid. 35years later and we now get to discuss and understand and hopefully for most, recover. And most importantly guide our kids to suit their Personality, not what we think is best, i tried to show my son how to stand up to bullies n to use intellect, but i could see he wasn't going to as he too has conflict anxiety, so we discussed how he would prefer to deal with life's hurdles and I'm confident he will never have to snap n use violence, bar the fact that he is an intelligent nerd at uni now, he jokes that he only has to threaten to call his BPD dad, which deep down i know that would be worse for him than copping a wedgie and moving on.

That was a strange neighbourhood of mutants. I finished university in the late 70s. I have to be honest. I had no problem with Judy stepping in that day. I was ready to get my *** kicked because I was not going to back down. Maybe Judy realized I made a seriously wrong decision and decided to step in.

There are certain people across places and time you don't forget and she is one of them. That was a crystallizing moment where everybody on that bus decided that guy had to go, and he did. He never rode that bus again. I have many other stories of that "interesting" time.

I agree, conflict when on a personal level, can be very difficult to handle, especially when your child is coping with issues. I have a daughter from my ex who is actually 4 months older than my lady. I was very involved with my daughters school and sports, so I saw a lot of interaction among the kids. Maybe you have noticed this, up here, girls in the ~11 - ~16 yr age group can be very mean to their "own" that is other girls of the same age group. She grew up in a much better neighbourhood than I did, but the issues of how girls treat one another was often very difficult. I think what you did was good. That is, letting your child steer the path and then provide support for these situations.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by Boosted8

Things certainly can become overwhelming at times but technology is something I've been passionate about ever since my parents bought me a gameboy pocket for my fifth birthday

I'm just glad I do not have to work help desk any more because that drives me up the wall. I like helping people but nobody likes being treated like crap or being treated like another person's mistake is their own. Still, I'm experiencing a considerable amount of isolation at the moment as well as feeling a lot of pressure trying to maintain a healthy work/study/personal life balance.

I often wonder what ever happened to the confidence and happiness I felt a few years ago

Get on top of it now mate, an anti depressant used for it's sole purpose, to get u back on track in up to 2 months for a healthy mind, remembering you have to work with your GP till your sure of the correct type of anti depressant, lots of differential factors to consider if you want to do it properly, don't just take zoloft cause its first on his prescription page, didn't help me when i was young but aropax?.. or a name similar (long time ago) was perfect for the job required and after approx 3 months my GP and i agreed it did what was asked of it and weened off it in 2 weeks, i never used an anti depressant again, as my disorder absorbed more of life , anti depressants weren't the answer, actually 6 different medication trials weren't either, but thats me. Anyway speak up and read the medical websites with your GP and learn together, if he/she cares they will, if not they palm you off to a specialist, but don't till you read all you can so you know if they are doing their job or saving for another holiday.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by solarite_guy

That was a strange neighbourhood of mutants. I finished university in the late 70s. I have to be honest. I had no problem with Judy stepping in that day. I was ready to get my *** kicked because I was not going to back down. Maybe Judy realized I made a seriously wrong decision and decided to step in.

There are certain people across places and time you don't forget and she is one of them. That was a crystallizing moment where everybody on that bus decided that guy had to go, and he did. He never rode that bus again. I have many other stories of that "interesting" time.

I agree, conflict when on a personal level, can be very difficult to handle, especially when your child is coping with issues. I have a daughter from my ex who is actually 4 months older than my lady. I was very involved with my daughters school and sports, so I saw a lot of interaction among the kids. Maybe you have noticed this, up here, girls in the ~11 - ~16 yr age group can be very mean to their "own" that is other girls of the same age group. She grew up in a much better neighbourhood than I did, but the issues of how girls treat one another was often very difficult. I think what you did was good. That is, letting your child steer the path and then provide support for these situations.

Did you just call my inbred small hic townsfolk mutants? I knew i was different, thanks professor X. Hee hee

[Boosted8]

Originally Posted by Trejo

Get on top of it now mate, an anti depressant used for it's sole purpose, to get u back on track in up to 2 months for a healthy mind, remembering you have to work with your GP till your sure of the correct type of anti depressant, lots of differential factors to consider if you want to do it properly, don't just take zoloft cause its first on his prescription page, didn't help me when i was young but aropax?.. or a name similar (long time ago) was perfect for the job required and after approx 3 months my GP and i agreed it did what was asked of it and weened off it in 2 weeks, i never used an anti depressant again, as my disorder absorbed more of life , anti depressants weren't the answer, actually 6 different medication trials weren't either, but thats me. Anyway speak up and read the medical websites with your GP and learn together, if he/she cares they will, if not they palm you off to a specialist, but don't till you read all you can so you know if they are doing their job or saving for another holiday.

I actually spoke to my GP about how depressed I'm feeling a few times late last year and also earlier this year. At the time, I was against taking medication and I don't think she actually brought it up as an option in any case. To be honest, I got the sense that my doctor didn't want to talk about the subject too much. That could just be my perception playing tricks on me though. It may have also confused her that I could speak about it in such a factual, analytical matter - that's just part of my personality though.

Maybe I do need to see another doctor about it but I really struggle to talk about emotions. I don't get upset but I'm fairly "switched off" and tend to ignore or distance myself from how I feel most of the time. I also don't want to bring others down and feel like if I start talking about it - that's when the negativity becomes real for others. Obviously we can't ignore how we feel forever and when it hits me it comes in waves. It forces me to ignore any of my accomplishments - all I can think about is mistakes I've made and the idea that I'll never succeed.

Yep, it's not much fun.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by Boosted8

I actually spoke to my GP about how depressed I'm feeling a few times late last year and also earlier this year. At the time, I was against taking medication and I don't think she actually brought it up as an option in any case. To be honest, I got the sense that my doctor didn't want to talk about the subject too much. That could just be my perception playing tricks on me though. It may have also confused her that I could speak about it in such a factual, analytical matter - that's just part of my personality though.

Maybe I do need to see another doctor about it but I really struggle to talk about emotions. I don't get upset but I'm fairly "switched off" and tend to ignore or distance myself from how I feel most of the time. I also don't want to bring others down and feel like if I start talking about it - that's when the negativity becomes real for others. Obviously we can't ignore how we feel forever and when it hits me it comes in waves. It forces me to ignore any of my accomplishments - all I can think about is mistakes I've made and the idea that I'll never succeed.

Yep, it's not much fun.

you need positive energy, good music, good people, positive thought paterns, a healthy mind can control every thought, remember you think cause you put the thought in your mind, psychology 101, when a negative thought starts to process, get your other side of the brain to correct it positively, use this process to better yourself and you'll find that hearing negative comments from work mates will not be taken so personally if anything you will be thinking positive thoughts for them or realising they got out of bed the wrong side and i need not ponder anymore on it. ?? If ya can .. do. (That's you) if ya cant .. teach (that's me)

.

[BLUEYBA]

Originally Posted by Boosted8

I actually spoke to my GP about how depressed I'm feeling a few times late last year and also earlier this year. At the time, I was against taking medication and I don't think she actually brought it up as an option in any case. To be honest, I got the sense that my doctor didn't want to talk about the subject too much. That could just be my perception playing tricks on me though. It may have also confused her that I could speak about it in such a factual, analytical matter - that's just part of my personality though.

Maybe I do need to see another doctor about it but I really struggle to talk about emotions. I don't get upset but I'm fairly "switched off" and tend to ignore or distance myself from how I feel most of the time. I also don't want to bring others down and feel like if I start talking about it - that's when the negativity becomes real for others. Obviously we can't ignore how we feel forever and when it hits me it comes in waves. It forces me to ignore any of my accomplishments - all I can think about is mistakes I've made and the idea that I'll never succeed.

Yep, it's not much fun.

Start with your doctor and then talk to a psychologist about your feelings. They are qualified to help you in that area and help you find the reason for feeling the way you are and also how do deal with those issues

[superyob]

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/...ectid=11602692

Some interesting points here...

[TheSneakiness]

Feeling very anxious today, my chest is starting to tighten and usually work distracts me but today I'm having trouble shaking it.

My calming technique as stupid as it may sound to some of you is actually scanning Youtube for things to watch but being at work its going to be frowned upon considering the workload I have.

[danzvtil]

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

Feeling very anxious today, my chest is starting to tighten and usually work distracts me but today I'm having trouble shaking it.

My calming technique as stupid as it may sound to some of you is actually scanning Youtube for things to watch but being at work its going to be frowned upon considering the workload I have.

Not good mate, can you chuck a sicky tomorrow and relax?

[Beastie]

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

Feeling very anxious today, my chest is starting to tighten and usually work distracts me but today I'm having trouble shaking it.

My calming technique as stupid as it may sound to some of you is actually scanning Youtube for things to watch but being at work its going to be frowned upon considering the workload I have.

If I read it right in another thread, you have recently been promoted which takes effect in a few weeks....just try to take the positives out of that on board and use the next few weeks to start thinking about how you can make a huge difference in your next role...

[SYZ]

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

[...] My calming technique as stupid as it may sound to some of you is actually scanning YouTube for things to watch but being at work its going to be frowned upon considering the workload I have.

Your "calming technique" doesn't sound at all stupid to me; in fact it sounds more than logical, particularly if it works as it's intended. It's also often one of my relaxation techniques, so I can confirm that getting lost in YouTube defocusses me from (apparently) pressing issues that can, in reality, take on more significance than they're worth.

A few of my favourites...

https://www.youtube.com/user/1veritasium
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3e...VletbyVoqSLYTA
https://www.youtube.com/user/Vsauce
https://www.youtube.com/user/ADoseofBuckley/videos

It's a pity that you can't cruise YouTube at work (understandably I guess) but what about listening to a web-based radio station, and wearing earbuds?

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

Feeling very anxious today, my chest is starting to tighten and usually work distracts me but today I'm having trouble shaking it.

My calming technique as stupid as it may sound to some of you is actually scanning Youtube for things to watch but being at work its going to be frowned upon considering the workload I have.

We are ,if nobody, not in the position to judge your calming technique, unless your watching potentially disturbing 'killing of America' type videos, i say that with tongue in cheek but that's the first time I've thought about my viewing of that VHS cassette, since the 80s, so deep down it really did disturb me, brrrrr... shake it off! Where was i..??.. oh yeah calming techniques, I've recently rediscovered morning music video channels again, i have Fox for motor sport, but yest n today i scrolled right down to the bottom of the menu, and came back up 1 (Fox viewer's in joke) and went to the country music channel and had a real good start to the day,, honestly Blake Sheldon made cry, but i put that down to still readjusting to my new meds.. ah humm.. clear throat, talk deeper, chest out and continue, but usually i grab my little bloke and go to the beach, now he suffers from shocking separation anxiety, see attachment photo

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by Trejo

We are ,if nobody, not in the position to judge your calming technique, unless your watching potentially disturbing 'killing of America' type videos, i say that with tongue in cheek but that's the first time I've thought about my viewing of that VHS cassette, since the 80s, so deep down it really did disturb me, brrrrr... shake it off! Where was i..??.. oh yeah calming techniques, I've recently rediscovered morning music video channels again, i have Fox for motor sport, but yest n today i scrolled right down to the bottom of the menu, and came back up 1 (Fox viewer's in joke) and went to the country music channel and had a real good start to the day,, honestly Blake Sheldon made cry, but i put that down to still readjusting to my new meds.. ah humm.. clear throat, talk deeper, chest out and continue, but usually i grab my little bloke and go to the beach, now he suffers from shocking separation anxiety, see attachment photo

Lol... some days I just wish I was that dog...

Originally Posted by The Beast

If I read it right in another thread, you have recently been promoted which takes effect in a few weeks....just try to take the positives out of that on board and use the next few weeks to start thinking about how you can make a huge difference in your next role...

Yes that's true and I love the responsibility it comes with but I've gotta wait til I come off leave start of April. Yay, leave!!!!

Originally Posted by SYZ

Your "calming technique" doesn't sound at all stupid to me; in fact it sounds more than logical, particularly if it works as it's intended. It's also often one of my relaxation techniques, so I can confirm that getting lost in YouTube defocusses me from (apparently) pressing issues that can, in reality, take on more significance than they're worth.

A few of my favourites...

https://www.youtube.com/user/1veritasium
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3e...VletbyVoqSLYTA
https://www.youtube.com/user/Vsauce
https://www.youtube.com/user/ADoseofBuckley/videos

It's a pity that you can't cruise YouTube at work (understandably I guess) but what about listening to a web-based radio station, and wearing earbuds?

My channels include Lets Play gamers and I just discovered Dude Perfect. You'll get the cynics that say oh they didn't do that first time but how does shut up sound? It's entertainment and that's why I watch.

I can't work with music, it drives me insane.