Depression, Anxiety

[1TUFFUTE]

Originally Posted by Trejo

after a fair enough recent comment, with good intent taken, 'is there anything you (ie me) haven't had?'
and its not meant to sound like hypochondria, but i would like to just explain how complex my Borderline Personality Disorder is for both patient and therapist.
A serious mental illness affecting every aspect of life, moods and emotions.
factors leading to BPD can be complex, genetics, personality, experience of trauma and is 3 times more likely to occur in women.
BPD can be marked by
SELF HARM (as simple as bashing the head, punching my self in the face is my usual)
Difficulty relating to people
Feelings of insecurity
Responding EMOTIONALLY to certain TRIGGERS
Feeling OUT OF CONTROL and OVERWHELMED by emotions
DIFFICULTY expressing and experiencing anger
POOR sense of self
IMPULSIVENESS leading to drug/alcohol abuse or RECKLESS BEHAVIOUR
MOOD SWINGS
UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIPS and commitment issues
DISSOCIATION

the upper case parts, at least one if those symptons, are experienced everyday by me and getting a handle on it is very time and energy consuming for me and my circumstances as an individual assessment. there a LOT of variables and disorders steming from/to and individuals must learn and be guided professionally for any such hope of recovery,
i was taken away in an ambulance last night after agreeing with good police responsive actions understanding to my disorder (big call out thankyou officers) after a relapse in a irrational emotional response to a family member resulting in a suicidal remark heard by a caring neighbour, and for the first time, after all my years, a mental health professional suggested DBT Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, now during all that I've read and my attempts at Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, not once had i heard of this.... designed especially for my Disorder. so don't wait people for the world to help, go out there and do not take NO or I don't know for an answer, cause it got me nowhere and NOW WATCH OUT MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES BECAUSE HERE I COME AND I WILL BE HEARD TO BENEFIT OTHERS AND MAKE IT MORE AWARE TO THE BEST OF MY ABILTY, (unless of course i decided not to care ...disorder joke, i jest, tis what i do)

Yes it was certainly 100% said with good intent...
And Isn't it nice when the police respect you and treat you accordingly, taking extenuating circumstances into account! They could have made last nite a living hell for you if they treated you like just another trouble maker!

And once again I take my hat off too you! Going thru what you do every day and still surviving to fight and pick yourself up everyday! As touched on earlier...I now insist that what you go thru makes what I fight thru, feel a bit insignificant! (I know, not the thing to be laughing about but hey..)
Might look up that DBT...sounds interesting.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by 1TUFFUTE

Yes it was certainly 100% said with good intent...
And Isn't it nice when the police respect you and treat you accordingly, taking extenuating circumstances into account! They could have made last nite a living hell for you if they treated you like just another trouble maker!

And once again I take my hat off too you! Going thru what you do every day and still surviving to fight and pick yourself up everyday! As touched on earlier...I now insist that what you go thru makes what I fight thru, feel a bit insignificant! (I know, not the thing to be laughing about but hey..)
Might look up that DBT...sounds interesting.

Don't anyone ever think that what they are fighting with mentally is lesser or greater, if you are
struggling, than its simply a fight, and since our thresholds are all at different hights, please do not let people make you feel weak for not overcoming it, this is what set me back 20 plus years in admitting i actually have a probem coping instead of trying to fit in and consequently being getting labels that mad me invert more into depression, if could of known then what i know now, well i would of proudly worn the correct lable and achieved sooner results in bettering my lifestyle (i hope that would of been the case, you need good people to help cause lone is 2 steps forward and slide back on ya behind )

[Road Games]

If you want change you CAN make it happen .

[kaniSS]

Been feeling really bad the last few days, keep thinking about if this is all my life is at, get up, work, come home, see kids for 1 hour, sleep, repeat.

I have a good wife and 2 sons and still not happy with anything, been actually thinking about checking myself into somewhere just to have a break from life.

This is terrible, feels like my head is going to explode.

[Trump]

It's not you mate, I reckon its a symptom of a societal problem; people weren't meant to be mindless drones driven by endless consumerism.

Find yourself, break out of the matrix and you'll be on the way to recovery. It's something I'm battling with as well.

[kaniSS]

Originally Posted by Loud_Noises

It's not you mate, I reckon its a symptom of a societal problem; people weren't meant to be mindless drones driven by endless consumerism.

Find yourself, break out of the matrix and you'll be on the way to recovery. It's something I'm battling with as well.

I try so many times, then I stop and think hang on a minute how am I going to support my kids..and repeat the process again and again. I come up with the weirdest things to get time off..and when I get a day off I feel normal again.

[graphicgoose]

Originally Posted by kaniSS

Been feeling really bad the last few days, keep thinking about if this is all my life is at, get up, work, come home, see kids for 1 hour, sleep, repeat.

I have a good wife and 2 sons and still not happy with anything, been actually thinking about checking myself into somewhere just to have a break from life.

This is terrible, feels like my head is going to explode.

I recently did similar, not checking myself in somewhere, but just took a swing off work and went to Broome by myself for 19 nights. Had my own villa with my own pool. Having my own space and doing my own thing for that time was just what I needed, really helped settle my head. I'd been in a troublesome long distance relationship that had started to push me into a bad headspace that I'd previously worked very hard to get out of so realised I needed to get out of the relationship and sort myself out again. So called things off, booked my trip and went and spent 3 weeks eating healthy, hitting the gym every day and getting my head right. Managed to do it without meds too, which I'm happy about. Even met a really cool chick up there, spent a couple of weekends together and had a lot of fun.

Back at work now, but in a much better headspace and feeling positive about life again. Sometimes it's important to do what YOU want and need, to break that cycle of feeling like you're just going through the motions.

[kaniSS]

Originally Posted by graphicgoose

I recently did similar, not checking myself in somewhere, but just took a swing off work and went to Broome by myself for 19 nights. Had my own villa with my own pool. Having my own space and doing my own thing for that time was just what I needed, really helped settle my head. I'd been in a troublesome long distance relationship that had started to push me into a bad headspace that I'd previously worked very hard to get out of so realised I needed to get out of the relationship and sort myself out again. So called things off, booked my trip and went and spent 3 weeks eating healthy, hitting the gym every day and getting my head right. Managed to do it without meds too, which I'm happy about. Even met a really cool chick up there, spent a couple of weekends together and had a lot of fun.

Back at work now, but in a much better headspace and feeling positive about life again. Sometimes it's important to do what YOU want and need, to break that cycle of feeling like you're just going through the motions.

I would kill to do that right now. Just pack up and leave for a few weeks. Problem is getting time off. Boss is the biggest ******. I took Monday off as my old man is in hospital for breathing difficulties and **** me what a inconsiderate bastard he was. Ill have to tough it out I think till October and get my 10 year service then **** off..

[Trump]

Originally Posted by kaniSS

I try so many times, then I stop and think hang on a minute how am I going to support my kids..and repeat the process again and again. I come up with the weirdest things to get time off..and when I get a day off I feel normal again.

If your kids are in private school, ask yourself if this is necessary.
If you're earning a packet to maintain an expensive lifestyle, ask yourself if it is necessary.
If you're constantly buying new things to fill a hole, ask why?

Just talk to yourself honestly.

[Ross 1]

Originally Posted by Loud_Noises

If your kids are in private school, ask yourself if this is necessary.
If you're earning a packet to maintain an expensive lifestyle, ask yourself if it is necessary.
If you're constantly buying new things to fill a hole, ask why?

Just talk to yourself honestly.

Couldn't agree more. I used to earn a great pay but was constantly stressed, angry and anxious. Reduced the size of my business, the volume of work I took on, reclaimed my weekends. Financially still ok but the last 6-7 years I have had very little desire for any material goods, I enjoy my ten year old Territory more than any of the new cars I've had as I can do what I want to it. I still enjoy the occasional treat like a cigar and a scotch and you do need to treat yourself occasionally.
To KaniSS, if you are unable to get any time off till October, don't see that as a negative. It just means you have 6-7 months to plan what you want to do, get excited about a trip somewhere, it doesn't have to be expensive, plan all the activities you will want to do, sights to see etc. This will give you something positive to look forward to and distract you from negative thoughts when you are on line checking out your destination.

[BLUEYBA]

Originally Posted by kaniSS

I would kill to do that right now. Just pack up and leave for a few weeks. Problem is getting time off. Boss is the biggest ******. I took Monday off as my old man is in hospital for breathing difficulties and **** me what a inconsiderate bastard he was. Ill have to tough it out I think till October and get my 10 year service then **** off..

This is only a suggestion, if your boss is that bad as you doctor for a week off or more and get a doctors certificate. You're obviously run down and need a break.
Only a suggestion that might get you through till October

[graphicgoose]

Originally Posted by BLUEYBA

This is only a suggestion, if your boss is that bad as you doctor for a week off or more and get a doctors certificate. You're obviously run down and need a break.
Only a suggestion that might get you through till October

I'd agree with what BLUEYBA said...if you're that run down and really struggling then I'd get your doctor to write you a certificate for some downtime. Our culture is extremely good at going "she'll be right" and just trudging on, but one thing I've learnt over the last year is that your mental health should be your number 1 priority in life. If your mental state isn't on point then everything else in life will suffer. Do what you need to in order to get back into a positive headspace bud. I highly recommend seeking out a decent Psychologist to work through things with (if you haven't already), as that can sometimes seriously help improve the way you process and deal with life events. The help I gained from working through my **** and resetting how I processed stuff was by far the most beneficial life change I made.

[Grega]

yeah
"she'll be right"
"teaspoon of cement and harden the **** up"
"don't worry it will pass"
i've copped all that ****. i come from pommy stock so **** like this got shoved under the carpet and was like, doesn't exist.
have a look into acupuncture to help balance things up. initial impression for me is it has helped a butt load, but, time will tell, as you know.
i'm going thru a particularly bad patch with work at the moment (see the common theme here) and suprised i am making it thru.

[Tui2]

Bit worn this week with yet another medication trial. after the last major crash when taken away by (1 in particular ) very professional and understanding police to the area mental health, so much to contribute for now sorry, but keep talking to each other, talk, breath , and do what you must to get proper help and support,

[Tui2]

wow! after taking 4 diazepam to shut up the confusion that the end of a day on my new meds causes by around 2 -3pm .. is really trying my ability to cope, i fainted, yep fainted, fall down, hit head and wake from darkness, fainted, first time ever, gotten woozy or weak legged before, never hit the deck hard n not know it till i realise I'm rubbing my head n r now on the floor not cooking dinner, wow, before i diagnosed myself with a tumour, i thought I'd better read more about diazepam/Valium, oh! First Med I've taken that had Fainting in the side effect column (of late anyway, hard to remember too far back) anyway straight on phone to my psychiatrist and just made sure i explained my daily affected effects of new med he prescribed recently. now i personally had a problem with the ADDICTION FORMING part of diazepam as i never felt an instantaneous relief or shake or euphoria etc that i found in recreational drugs to be the addiction, ignorance. now i have been prescribed a non addiction forming sedative for that end of day fluster , if the theory of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (a form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy designed specifically for BPD) just isn't going to cut it on a certain day, and i feel like a new man in control of my life, for about 5 hours a day now n this IS well ...Exciting. i just may have that beer or coffee.. yeah best to avoid abuse of recreational activities, a no no n major sympton of BPD, apparently i wouldn't know haha, anywho just another reminder to jot every detail of a days outcome n discuss with therapist because meds aren't the answer if you can't use them for their sole purpose and not just because doc said take em, too many factors people too many, so bugger the boss or whatever you are stopping momentarily to get out ya pad n take note, cause that's what matters when the minds ill, noting the effects/affects of the med meant to aid you in coping, otherwise work/life, wont matter at all. wow deep, where's that beer...ah...coffee

[1TUFFUTE]

^^^^mate I live on diazepam....Valium. Thank god I don't react to it like you did! I use it to survive my pain episodes as the rest of my pain meds are Slow Release, so I can get caught at very bad times occasionally!
I certainly am like you tho.....try my very hardest to take as little as possible. At one time the Valium was there just for the rare occasion! Now I've progressed well up the pain ladder! Does your head in trying to find good meds! I've also done a few trials and had not a lot of luck getting a better drug then what I use allready!

[MR SOFTY]

Just found this thread and in away I was happy I did, as myself suffer depression for quite sometime its a long hard road and the first thing is you got to admit it to yourself you have it before you even have a chance to recover and for some people they never will sadly. I was one of them people when younger that couldn't understand people having it and my view was like ( For fuc! sake just snap out of it !!!!!!! ) but heavenly bid I have it now and how fuc!ing wrong I was , Its fair to say life hasn't been kind at times which has helped for this but its no excuse as everyone has them times .

[Madaya]

I'm going to duck along to AA for the first time tonight. Yeah, it's Good Friday, but I believe it is still on.
Have been using grog at the end of a day just to stop thinking, to zone out. Hell, I've been off the grog for 3 days now no problem, but dreams are nightmares. Not happy with that.
But one thing I think we can agree on, is that being an Alcoholic is more of a nightmare.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by Madaya

I'm going to duck along to AA for the first time tonight. Yeah, it's Good Friday, but I believe it is still on.
Have been using grog at the end of a day just to stop thinking, to zone out. Hell, I've been off the grog for 3 days now no problem, but dreams are nightmares. Not happy with that.
But one thing I think we can agree on, is that being an Alcoholic is more of a nightmare.

unluckily lucky, my liver n kidney combo were damaged at a young age, so from 16 through to 23 i had a shocker recovery period after a night on beer, jack, Russians and especially plonk in a carton, that the hangover wasn't worth it at all, so a beer to be social on odd occasions became norm to a schooner a year if that for the last 20 years, not the fact that my father was an abusive alcoholic who worked in pubs clubs, so slept at home only,, that never factored into it, but no offence to drinkers but being a non conformist, in any group this relates to.. potheads, whatever.. well they can annoy ya tearlesss and i was an annoying drunk... happy staggering i love you vomit crash out sneak away in shame before sun up... happy drunk,
anxiety number 4 . was hit on the head at 23yo ,why i couldn't find as easy of way out for next 25 years of anxiety was becuase no body cared enough or were open enough to care, BPD makes that impossible to accept/wanting to accept/but mainly direct blame away from yourself creating a vicious life cycle if not diagnosed and understood or supported, alcoholism is easy to turn a blind eye to because, hey he/she's drunk, otherwise a nice person move on..type attitude. so getting hold of it and taking charge is tough and should be congratulated, on ya mate

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by 1TUFFUTE

^^^^mate I live on diazepam....Valium. Thank god I don't react to it like you did! I use it to survive my pain episodes as the rest of my pain meds are Slow Release, so I can get caught at very bad times occasionally!
I certainly am like you tho.....try my very hardest to take as little as possible. At one time the Valium was there just for the rare occasion! Now I've progressed well up the pain ladder! Does your head in trying to find good meds! I've also done a few trials and had not a lot of luck getting a better drug then what I use allready!

i get the same opposite of bad results from seroquel, as many have given me terrible reaction stories from it, doing what it should here your honour

[Tui2]

A big big B'day cheer to a Beast of a car driven by a Legend of a man.. you know who are if ya wanna share.. I just want to say that this person whom I have not yet met in person. Well the words of support n want of understanding my BPD via firstly this thread then private message to recent phone text . has been more than any of my family members could of dreamt up.
I feel privileged and are grateful for such people in this world. GTT Happy B'day... hip hip don't slip

[Beastie]

Originally Posted by Trejo

A big big B'day cheer to a Beast of a car driven by a Legend of a man.. you know who are if ya wanna share.. I just want to say that this person whom I have not yet met in person. Well the words of support n want of understanding my BPD via firstly this thread then private message to recent phone text . has been more than any of my family members could of dreamt up.
I feel privileged and are grateful for such people in this world. GTT Happy B'day... hip hip don't slip

Thanks Trejo. Just glad that I can help in some way....Talk soon!

[Tui2]

Well everyone hope you all are well to the best of abilities, I've had an I.E.D relapse on weekend, which i thought honestly had control over on my new meds but NO, it was out shopping pushing my mother in her wheelchair, simple cause, took mum to get shoes n 2 sales women chatting to each other, didn't even give us glance let alone ask if we needed help, well they and the rest of the mall found out that ths was unacceptable apparently as i dissociate and watch the embarrassment of irrational emotional reactive bombardment that ended with me sick as a dog in bed or last 3 days(longest it lasted in years) with 'black blood' this is how I've always described the after effect of such episode, flu like body aches attacking all my weak spots, brain, lungs, back, kidneys, knees and feet. I HAVD TO EXCEPT THAT PUBLIC CONTACT IS DEFINITELY HAS NO PART TO BE PLAYED IN THE REMAINDER OF MY LIFE. And that's hard to ponder when i thought i was getting better.
Keep well all

[Beastie]

Originally Posted by Trejo

Well everyone hope you all are well to the best of abilities, I've had an I.E.D relapse on weekend, which i thought honestly had control over on my new meds but NO, it was out shopping pushing my mother in her wheelchair, simple cause, took mum to get shoes n 2 sales women chatting to each other, didn't even give us glance let alone ask if we needed help, well they and the rest of the mall found out that ths was unacceptable apparently as i dissociate and watch the embarrassment of irrational emotional reactive bombardment that ended with me sick as a dog in bed or last 3 days(longest it lasted in years) with 'black blood' this is how I've always described the after effect of such episode, flu like body aches attacking all my weak spots, brain, lungs, back, kidneys, knees and feet. I HAVD TO EXCEPT THAT PUBLIC CONTACT IS DEFINITELY HAS NO PART TO BE PLAYED IN THE REMAINDER OF MY LIFE. And that's hard to ponder when i thought i was getting better.
Keep well all

PM sent

[Tui2]

Hi to those that know n understand, GTT, SYZ, 1TUFFUTE, MAYDAYA and all, just hoping you all have support from at least 1 good person that can give you something, just a few words even, that will in anyway help you get THAT day over and done with and hope you are strong enough to fight the next..but don't do it alone when we out here will givd an understanding ear without judgement of how small or simple it may seem.

[SYZ]

Originally Posted by Trejo

Hi to those that know n understand, GTT, SYZ, 1TUFFUTE, MAYDAYA and all, just hoping you all have support from at least 1 good person that can give you something, just a few words even, that will in anyway help you get THAT day over and done with and hope you are strong enough to fight the next..but don't do it alone when we out here will give an understanding ear without judgment of how small or simple it may seem.

G'day my friend. I'm sorry to hear about your little incident with your mum at the shops; I've been there and done that (similar) too... almost. Luckily my partner invariably goes shopping with me, and she always calms me down when my temper flares irrationally or I start abusing sales people. I've been known to bring an entire smaller shop to a standstill—which after the event is very embarrassing. However, after I've cooled down, I usually go back and apologise, and explain my mental situation. Having done that, I'm somewhat surprised that the sales staff are usually receptive, and interested to learn a bit about depressive illnesses, and then at least I can walk away feeling a bit better about the incident.

I do agree though that some salespeople are ignorant about what true customer service is. Too many are either insufficiently well trained for their job, don't care enough to extend themselves a bit, or are simply slackers picking up a pay cheque. And as an older bloke, I'm getting sick of telling younger shop or bank staff etc how to do their jobs properly.

—I guess I've turned into a grumpy old man?



—Not really.

[1TUFFUTE]

Sorry to hear about your relapse Trejo bud...

Also Just another silly reminder for everyone...I know it's been said to death.....but I believe in it that much I feel it's worth bringing up again.....just in case some dismiss the thought without giving it a fair chance/thought first!

GET A PUPPY(or a rescue dog even) Perhaps any pet....
Now I realize not everyone is a dog person....but from what my dogs do for me(full in house/bed dogs) and from what I've seen them do for my aunt who has terminal cancer, for my mum thru her hardships(her cat), and others in different community things I've seen around over the years.......dogs, and other pets can be an AMAZING source of focus for trouble minds. They can love you back unconditionally and become better friends/companions then even parents can with children. I've seen, I believe it, I live it!
Anyway....I hope this thought comes across the right way.....in such a serious thread!

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by SYZ

G'day my friend. I'm sorry to hear about your little incident with your mum at the shops; I've been there and done that (similar) too... almost. Luckily my partner invariably goes shopping with me, and she always calms me down when my temper flares irrationally or I start abusing sales people. I've been known to bring an entire smaller shop to a standstill—which after the event is very embarrassing. However, after I've cooled down, I usually go back and apologise, and explain my mental situation. Having done that, I'm somewhat surprised that the sales staff are usually receptive, and interested to learn a bit about depressive illnesses, and then at least I can walk away feeling a bit better about the incident.

I do agree though that some salespeople are ignorant about what true customer service is. Too many are either insufficiently well trained for their job, don't care enough to extend themselves a bit, or are simply slackers picking up a pay cheque. And as an older bloke, I'm getting sick of telling younger shop or bank staff etc how to do their jobs properly.

—I guess I've turned into a grumpy old man?

image

—Not really.

yes i am getting the grumpy old man 'tude.
i carry a print out copy of, a brief summary of Borderline Personality Disorder, along with my medication and psychiatry records that initially was for the consideration of police and ambulance officers, but now seem to hand out the BPD brief to civies, be they the victim or witness of an episode, whether they want it or not lol ...like a near 6ft ..115kg... maniac roaring a spittle fueled apologetic rant, whilst throwing a couple of pages of printed text at you, isn't reason enough to be understanding. huh!! god bless em.
though i will continue to explain to the rocket scientists behind the headsets at a maccas drive thru, the process of looking at the screen and placing items (referred to as The Order) that are displayed on the screen, into the brown paper bag, along with, more than needed usally when eating in store, NAPKINS! because I'm driving a car! and items are more likely to be spilt, due to inertia, children and/or just Male Generics!!!! arrrghhhhh,,,,,,!
ok I'm fine, hope you are too

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by 1TUFFUTE

Sorry to hear about your relapse Trejo bud...

Also Just another silly reminder for everyone...I know it's been said to death.....but I believe in it that much I feel it's worth bringing up again.....just in case some dismiss the thought without giving it a fair chance/thought first!

GET A PUPPY(or a rescue dog even) Perhaps any pet....
Now I realize not everyone is a dog person....but from what my dogs do for me(full in house/bed dogs) and from what I've seen them do for my aunt who has terminal cancer, for my mum thru her hardships(her cat), and others in different community things I've seen around over the years.......dogs, and other pets can be an AMAZING source of focus for trouble minds. They can love you back unconditionally and become better friends/companions then even parents can with children. I've seen, I believe it, I live it!
Anyway....I hope this thought comes across the right way.....in such a serious thread!

because you would have to go back a fair way and follow my story, i undedstand why you have missed my posts about my little saviour and his anxiety issues, one being separation anxiety to the extreme, i can't do a number 2 without he, lets call it, Hammocking! Here's the pic again

[solarite_guy]

Originally Posted by kaniSS

Boss is the biggest ******. I took Monday off as my old man is in hospital for breathing difficulties and **** me what a inconsiderate bastard he was. Ill have to tough it out I think till October and get my 10 year service then **** off..

Bingo, right there. Somethings got to change.