Depression, Anxiety - Page 24

Madaya · 06-10-2016, 10:27 AM

Spudz, my only thought is get back to your doctor about the libido thing. AD's have a big impact. I know what you mean about the cake and stuff, but the more other folk do, the less you even have to think about it so stress gone. Cheers mate.

**fordomatic** · 06-10-2016, 01:40 PM

Spudz, the best thing i did with my wedding was give the MRS a strict budget and let her do whatever she wanted within that budget. I didn't care about the day so long as we were married at the end of it. She planned it amazingly well and only went $500 over budget. The plus for me is i had zero stress and had the best day of my life.

I pretended to care when the MRS wanted me to care but that was it. I just told her what she wanted to hear and then we moved onto the next thing. Get the libido thing sorted as that's a huge relationship killer, especially if the partner doesn't feel like you "want" to be intimate.

This sounds weird but read a book called, "Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love". It helped me understand why the MRS has these feelings i don't understand and it helped me deal with them. Changed the way i approached our whole relationship and now it is so much healthier. Our communication is amazing and we have not had an argument for 2 years now, all because the way i approach certain potential conflicts.

Spudz27 · 06-10-2016, 01:40 PM

I am not sure the libido bothers me so much as my partner doesn't seem to care. Then again if I didn't initiate anything we could go weeks as she never would, but I never really had an issue hahahahahaha. I am getting frustrated because on one hand I want to, on the other hand the thought barely crosses my mind and when it does I can't be bothered it is too much effort.

Trump · 06-10-2016, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spudz27

I am not sure the libido bothers me so much as my partner doesn't seem to care. Then again if I didn't initiate anything we could go weeks as she never would, but I never really had an issue hahahahahaha. I am getting frustrated because on one hand I want to, on the other hand the thought barely crosses my mind and when it does I can't be bothered it is too much effort.

I don't know you from a bar of soap, but to me that is a very telling statement and if it was happening to me, I'd be seriously contemplating whether or not I go through with the wedding.

Spudz27 · 06-10-2016, 02:39 PM

If your referring to her supposed lack of interest, it is not that, for 13yrs it has been this way. She might complain we have not had any fun, but she won't instigate. So me not feeling like it which is strange means we might go ages as she has just never instigated anything. She doesn't lack interest but she readily admits it is not comfortable for her to initiate and she never knows where to start. In my current headspace which I don't even know where I am, it feels like she doesn't care that I am finding it hard to have gone from highly active in bed to nothing.

Admittedly she has no experience with depression apart from putting up with me and the way I treat her and the kids for 13yrs, but on the same hand she will leave it to me and won't make an effort to understand the problem. I have put her through hell and she is still around weirdly.

5wheelguy · 07-10-2016, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spudz27

I have put her through hell and she is still around weirdly.

It's because she cares. She loves you. No materialistic thing like a damn cake should change that. You're stronger than a cake, I hope

The best way to fix a wedding cake, is to have a new anniversary cake.
Forgive & forget the past. Hard to do I know... Just my 2c.

Tui2 · 08-10-2016, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spudz27

If your referring to her supposed lack of interest, it is not that, for 13yrs it has been this way. She might complain we have not had any fun, but she won't instigate. So me not feeling like it which is strange means we might go ages as she has just never instigated anything. She doesn't lack interest but she readily admits it is not comfortable for her to initiate and she never knows where to start. In my current headspace which I don't even know where I am, it feels like she doesn't care that I am finding it hard to have gone from highly active in bed to nothing.

Admittedly she has no experience with depression apart from putting up with me and the way I treat her and the kids for 13yrs, but on the same hand she will leave it to me and won't make an effort to understand the problem. I have put her through hell and she is still around weirdly.

most people will never understand why it's so hard for sufferers to not just GET OVER IT and/or MAN UP (this i heard a mother say to her daughter) because how many of us sufferers care to think why they DON'T. i know now that a large percentage of DON'T understanders are WON'T understanders due to shining the spotlight on themselves means dealing with their own is too much to cope with and would rather put up with (ignore) a loved one's faults instead. which in my case turned a won't (as in my 2nd wife who pushed for a better psych and other professional diagnostic opinions that finally got me on the right track after near 9 years of just coping or ignoring my irregularities with the words love and happy and not wanting sex either as to share the blame so i wont stop taking my meds just so i get sex drive back to keep her happy in the bedroom. ) into a CAN'T coper.. when the spotlight was finally off me and will inevitably swing around onto her, and in one swift hour she had me packed and her sister doing the speaches lije " i hear you but you have to leave and we'll see how things are after you get better, one day at a time for now" typical separation clichés, but this time after every angry, hurt, cry, shout, vengeful thought process ..a deep realisation of honest relief to only have myself to protect and help became the truth that i still asure myself of that was best for all.
ps before it all , i did try , since my lack of libido wasn't really bothering me, to at least try to entertain my lady on occasion and bought her a gift that wasn't biggervthan me but had 10 times the stamina or energy and fancier moves than me, actually after i analysed its actions, thought to myself i wouldn't of thought that there in that spot and in that direction would of felt like anything, other than plain annoyance. anyway it relieved a couple of my anxieties as i, guiltless , got to watch my motor sport and enjoy the sounds of an electric razor being bogged down, and finally the light pattering of my wifes happy feet barely touching the ground as she cooked my dinner. help yourself help whats best for all the realistic truth an not deny it is what it is no matter what people prefer it be or expect it to, keep up the fight

LemmeAbbot · 08-10-2016, 04:26 PM

Thanks for sharing.

I am starting to understand why my brother seems to want to kill me at family functions. He has been through a breakdown some years ago after losing his job and I thought he was back to normal. My light hearted jokes seem to be a trigger for him to want to end my life. It is easy for me to take offence and avoid him in future for the undeserved attack. However, reading the above threads made me realise that I have been insensitive to my brother and not been there for him during his tough times. Ultimately though only he can control those triggers. The family like to blame his wife. I am now starting to empathise with my sister in law. Living with an angry person must be very difficult.

Tui2 · 09-10-2016, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LemmeAbbot

Thanks for sharing.

I am starting to understand why my brother seems to want to kill me at family functions. He has been through a breakdown some years ago after losing his job and I thought he was back to normal. My light hearted jokes seem to be a trigger for him to want to end my life. It is easy for me to take offence and avoid him in future for the undeserved attack. However, reading the above threads made me realise that I have been insensitive to my brother and not been there for him during his tough times. Ultimately though only he can control those triggers. The family like to blame his wife. I am now starting to empathise with my sister in law. Living with an angry person must be very difficult.

GOOD ON YOU , NOW FOR MORE TO TAKE HEED AnD FOLLOW THIS FINE EXAMPLE?
i record my self, during isolation and especially when i do get out for a quick social therapy visit which since my closest friend Liane lives a couple of hours away, and best mate Muz from the country as died last week , has left my mate with the workshop to suffer my built up blabber, (that comes from only having my dog to talk to, who only says 'no' in english, the rest he code-barks at me ..which when i visit Glen, have to remember to convert from that back to english lol) anyway after i play the recordings back to myself, i realise just how tyring, life draining, will sapping it must of been for my ex to come home from work to the person she loved so dearly and listen to a depressed, negative and angry person ensure that they will never be able to socialise wth friends nor shop together in public without drama again, and i realise now just how strong a person she was, to not just endure 9 years in hope, but to ensure I was re diagnosed and left in the right hands before doing what was best for her, her kids and grandkids , poppy has to go away and hopefully if he gets the right support and strives to towards a healthier mind set, we may get to see him again one day, but poppy now knows that it is a big ask of someone whose disorder was left so long undiagnosed due to no support or want of understanding by those closest to him. no one to help better his quality of life at least with the possibility of also being his support in seeking professional help. emotional irregularity/personality disorders such as mine BPD , AADHD Bipolar etc, can be too much for the average person to contemplate understanding let alone deal with, so only do what you can give, only validate what they say is good about them at the time, if YOU believe it to be so but dont add or subtract from the statement , if unsure how to respond, say nothing or ask if there is anything you can get for them at this very moment in time eg, if they say cigarettes.. be honest in your reasoning without making it about them, i cant afford it sorry, i will certainly chip in towards a packet, do not preach at them what they already know eg, most are highly intelligent and that jyst adds insult to injury, dont give cash to someone who needs guidance, most personality disorders have compulsive traits, gambling, substance abuse or like me now, spending sprees, which i control with direct debit to pay the necessities on time and by putting my dog in a trolley with his snacks and botted water and spending 3 to 4 hrs in Bunnings filling the trolley up with items that warm me soul and when ready to leave i put em all back and keep what item(s) add up to my allowance, that when i get home can be put to use straighaway that will give me a sense achievement. reward good practice. if want to help say i dont wish to give you cash cause i dont want you send it in away that YOU wished you didn't, but at anytime if want me to help with food items or assist with an overdue payment by organising a payment plan r extension, or buy the cigarretes yourself and drop them off if thats the best you can offer, great. but don't make them feel bad for asking, let them know that you are glad they feel they can ask you for help, OTHERWiSE SAY NOTHING, they could be just fishing for a trigger so they have an excuse to leave because unfortunately nine times out of ten it is the family or freinds who decided it be good for them there, not because they chose to be, and if they do choose to be, dont scorn them when they want to leave after 10 mins , thank them for their effort to visit, baby steps take a long time to get anywhere but with the right support will hopefully keep them moving in the forward direction.
keep well all

5wheelguy · 10-10-2016, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LemmeAbbot

Thanks for sharing.

I am starting to understand why my brother seems to want to kill me at family functions. He has been through a breakdown some years ago after losing his job and I thought he was back to normal. My light hearted jokes seem to be a trigger for him to want to end my life. It is easy for me to take offence and avoid him in future for the undeserved attack. However, reading the above threads made me realise that I have been insensitive to my brother and not been there for him during his tough times. Ultimately though only he can control those triggers. The family like to blame his wife. I am now starting to empathise with my sister in law. Living with an angry person must be very difficult.

I'd only joke around, once they're laughing too. Or - you're kinda asking for a knuckle sandwich.
The thing is, whenever I screw something up, there's my inner voice already teasing me. I DO NOT need more people, especially family or friends, to extend that teasing.

Just be supportive. Talk about the problem. Talk about the solutions. Then have fun. There's a time and place for everything (kinda).

LemmeAbbot · 10-10-2016, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5wheelguy

I'd only joke around, once they're laughing too. Or - you're kinda asking for a knuckle sandwich.
The thing is, whenever I screw something up, there's my inner voice already teasing me. I DO NOT need more people, especially family or friends, to extend that teasing.

Just be supportive. Talk about the problem. Talk about the solutions. Then have fun. There's a time and place for everything (kinda).

I suppose that is the definition of "walking on eggshells". People in general do seem to be so fickle these days. However, if I want to ensure my face is not rearranged I better practice the eggshell walk. Cheers.

sneaky · 11-10-2016, 07:07 AM

this sucks.

now wondering if i should just walk away from my wife to save her from having to deal with my ****** attitude. it is our 10 year anniversary in a few weeks and we are supposed to be going for a cruise in early november, but i'm struggling to see the relationship lasting the next few weeks to even make the milestone or the holiday.

waiting for new meds (lovan) to kick in. only been on it for 1.5 weeks, but when you add that to the 8 weeks of valdoxan not working and feeling like crap it isn't fun. I was told the first two weeks would suck and mood would go down before improving so i'm hoping for a big upswing in the next few weeks..

this is the third lot of tablets i've tried (pristiq, valdoxan now lovan), wish i could take all the different meds at once to get in a better headspace then slowly remove them one at a time..

BLUEYBA · 11-10-2016, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LemmeAbbot

I suppose that is the definition of "walking on eggshells". People in general do seem to be so fickle these days. However, if I want to ensure my face is not rearranged I better practice the eggshell walk. Cheers.

The way I look at it is that the person, your brother is already beating himself up about. He already has the doubts and insecurities about what is going to happen and feels he has no control.
A person with depression/anxiety need support and reassurance that people are there to support them. They need picking up their biggest critic/enemy is in their head

BLUEYBA · 11-10-2016, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sneaky

this sucks.

now wondering if i should just walk away from my wife to save her from having to deal with my ****** attitude. it is our 10 year anniversary in a few weeks and we are supposed to be going for a cruise in early november, but i'm struggling to see the relationship lasting the next few weeks to even make the milestone or the holiday.

waiting for new meds (lovan) to kick in. only been on it for 1.5 weeks, but when you add that to the 8 weeks of valdoxan not working and feeling like crap it isn't fun. I was told the first two weeks would suck and mood would go down before improving so i'm hoping for a big upswing in the next few weeks..

this is the third lot of tablets i've tried (pristiq, valdoxan now lovan), wish i could take all the different meds at once to get in a better headspace then slowly remove them one at a time..

its a difficult time for you that's for sure. only you can make that decision for you but what I will say is to focus on yourself to improve how your feeling. Other things will improve from that. Maybe talking to her is an option?? Not so much walking away but what your doing to get better and that at the moment the medication is taking time to do its job. It can take time to find the right medication and balance for it to work. The one I take works for me but it took a little bit to find the right dosage as well.
Hang in there and keep fighting as things will improve even though your mind keeps telling you it won't

LemmeAbbot · 11-10-2016, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BLUEYBA

The way I look at it is that the person, your brother is already beating himself up about. He already has the doubts and insecurities about what is going to happen and feels he has no control.
A person with depression/anxiety need support and reassurance that people are there to support them. They need picking up their biggest critic/enemy is in their head

I only see my brother a few times a year in any case. I should be able to keep my mouth shut given the small exposure. His wife and boys have stood by him which is the main thing.

BENT_8 · 11-10-2016, 06:10 PM

Hey guys, been a bit of a roller coaster here over the last week. The Wife and i have been talking, things look positive.
Its hard to turn your back on 25 years.
She came away with me last week for a few days, just her and i, we did alot of talking without the external pressures that have been bearing down on our relationship lately.
We've decided to give it another shot and after getting ourselves on the right track, we believe were in a better position to help our daughter out.

I think she needs someone to talk to about her problems, ever since the accident she was in we've noticed a difference in her and she has finally admitted that she has lost all faith in people as a result of being betrayed on that night.
Having been through a similar experience when i was 12, i can relate to those feelings and feel we can now make progress.

Heres hoping anyway.

Tui2 · 12-10-2016, 06:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sneaky

this sucks.

now wondering if i should just walk away from my wife to save her from having to deal with my ****** attitude. it is our 10 year anniversary in a few weeks and we are supposed to be going for a cruise in early november, but i'm struggling to see the relationship lasting the next few weeks to even make the milestone or the holiday.

waiting for new meds (lovan) to kick in. only been on it for 1.5 weeks, but when you add that to the 8 weeks of valdoxan not working and feeling like crap it isn't fun. I was told the first two weeks would suck and mood would go down before improving so i'm hoping for a big upswing in the next few weeks..

this is the third lot of tablets i've tried (pristiq, valdoxan now lovan), wish i could take all the different meds at once to get in a better headspace then slowly remove them one at a time..

Be aware of your serotonin levels mate.. serotonin syndrome and all. Too angry ..too low is a basis to go off that my psych advises.

TheSneakiness · 12-10-2016, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BENT_8

Hey guys, been a bit of a roller coaster here over the last week. The Wife and i have been talking, things look positive.
Its hard to turn your back on 25 years.
She came away with me last week for a few days, just her and i, we did alot of talking without the external pressures that have been bearing down on our relationship lately.
We've decided to give it another shot and after getting ourselves on the right track, we believe were in a better position to help our daughter out.

I think she needs someone to talk to about her problems, ever since the accident she was in we've noticed a difference in her and she has finally admitted that she has lost all faith in people as a result of being betrayed on that night.
Having been through a similar experience when i was 12, i can relate to those feelings and feel we can now make progress.

Heres hoping anyway.

Good to hear man...

Spudz27 · 13-10-2016, 11:13 AM

I am starting to wonder if lexam is working. I am on my 5th week. I still cbf to do anything but ride my motorbike. My mrs still says I am not as angry, but otherwise I don't feel any different to 5 weeks ago. Except for libido, tiredness and absolutely crazy dreams nightly that feel real. Maybe there is nothing wrong with me, maybe I am just lazy and the thoughts of suicide are just to take the easy way out. I must admit I do not handle change or stress very well.

TheSneakiness · 13-10-2016, 02:45 PM

I've just had a day to myself really, working from home, no distractions or annoyances, actually feeling a bit lethargic but my head feels clear.

Started talking on FB to some of my old friends and I feel like I can return to who I was before everything happened. Yeah it's taken 12 months but needed the time I guess.

BLUEYBA · 14-10-2016, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spudz27

I am starting to wonder if lexam is working. I am on my 5th week. I still cbf to do anything but ride my motorbike. My mrs still says I am not as angry, but otherwise I don't feel any different to 5 weeks ago. Except for libido, tiredness and absolutely crazy dreams nightly that feel real. Maybe there is nothing wrong with me, maybe I am just lazy and the thoughts of suicide are just to take the easy way out. I must admit I do not handle change or stress very well.

Might be time to see the doctor if its concerning you.

Spudz27 · 14-10-2016, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BLUEYBA

Might be time to see the doctor if its concerning you.

Yeah next week is my appointment. I am struggling a bit and doubting everything. I left work to study, but whilst I love the medical side of my study and industry, I am starting to think I do not posses the people skills to deal with patients. So now I am doubting my decision and looking to return to work, but then my brain says I must study as I gave up a wage. Got wedding in 2wks, doubting the dr. I hate sitting around the house all day but cbf to do anything else. At tge moment I feel like getting on my bike and disappearing.

BENT_8 · 14-10-2016, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spudz27

I left work to study, but whilst I love the medical side of my study and industry, I am starting to think I do not posses the people skills to deal with patients. So now I am doubting my decision and looking to return to work, but then my brain says I must study as I gave up a wage. Got wedding in 2wks, doubting the dr. I hate sitting around the house all day but cbf to do anything else.

Im hearing you brother!

I threw my job away 3 years ago because i couldnt stand being around people. For the last 3 years i've been hiding behind the need to look after my baby girl who turns 5 soon, once she starts school im out of excuses and need to get back into the workforce or suffer the wrath or Centrelink, not that i get a dollar from them anyway, well, tell a lie, i got $4.30 this fortnight after my Wife declared her income.

Problem is, i've known about this for a looong time and have sat here for hours going through different scenarios and considering different avenues to regain employment but deep down i know it wont matter what path i decide to take, be it a busted **** job or study to become something worthwhile, it will all be for nothing as i know my toxic personality will lead me back to where i am now.

I know i have issues, my whole life has been one kick in the guts after another to the point where my psychologist admitted im the worst case he has ever had to deal with, the most dysfunctional background he's ever had to try and unwind.
I think he even gave up to be honest, when you've been a certain way your whole life, as long as you can remember, im not sure if its the thought of being someone different that worries me, or that its just easier to continue on this way.

Spudz27 · 14-10-2016, 05:09 PM

My whole life has been the same. Teachers hated me because I would **** around and still ace tests. They wanted me tested for adhd, but the phsyc said I was just lazy and enjoyed the challenge of beating my teachers mentally into submission. The only way forward for me is a total personality change and after 33yrs of being this way I don't know how. I have been through a lot, had more lofe exp than people twice my age, had 5 heart surgeries since birth and require more, found my mum trying to suicide a dad who left and decided a new famiky was better and nothing I did pleased him. My kids don't even know who my dad is. I have tried to commit suicide etc. There are people way worse than me, I am healthy but mentally I just wonder some days if it is easier to drop off the planet as changing me seems too hard, too scary and don't even know where to begin.

BENT_8 · 14-10-2016, 07:25 PM

Lol, we might be long lost twins.
My religious education teacher had a nervous breakdown after a lesson, not entirely my fault however i was part of the guilty party.
School carriculum played a part, silly having History lessons on evolution followed by Adam and Eve in RE.
Whats a teenager to believe when faced with scientific evidence of the former.

Tui2 · 17-10-2016, 03:30 PM

Quote
Problem is, i've known about this for a looong time and have sat here for hours going through different scenarios and considering different avenues to regain employment but deep down i know it wont matter what path i decide to take, be it a busted **** job or study to become something worthwhile, it will all be for nothing as i know my toxic personality will lead me back to where i am now.

I know i have issues, my whole life has been one kick in the guts after another to the point where my psychologist admitted im the worst case he has ever had to deal with, the most dysfunctional background he's ever had to try and unwind.
I think he even gave up to be honest, when you've been a certain way your whole life, as long as you can remember, im not sure if its the thought of being someone different that worries me, or that its just easier to continue on this way.
___________
And I've just came out of another few days of lock down to read that I'm not alone. 50years for me teachers... school and tech ..bosses some with compassion most without...and the reality of knowing just what I am will continue a lonely existence though better it not involve ones I love who aren't prepared to understand enough to make this disorder manageable with them in it. and as above my psych seems lost as to only offer an ear... but I know I am worse without the meds so he is not getting away from me that easily. Please continue to vent here people.. God knows I need yas

TheSneakiness · 18-10-2016, 09:55 AM

Thinking I need a change up.

For me my life is draining my wanting to exist. Work, home, I don't like dealing with it, I feel like at work I deal with 6 year olds all day and if I wanted to do that I would work in a school, but there's a reason I don't work in a school.

I think the last time I was truly happy was just after I married my wife but before I was made redundant. I was living on the river at Maroochydore and I thought nothing could touch me. Had my BA XR6 and we could go anywhere.

I'm just done, I hate being at home as much as I hate being at work.

BENT_8 · 18-10-2016, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

Thinking I need a change up.

They say a change is as good as a holiday, give it a crack mate, worth a shot atleast.

Had a fairly miserable day here yesterday, school started back and within a few hours i discovered that one of my eldest lads class and former footy mates had committed suicide, 17yo.
Then later in the day we discovered another kid from the neighbourhood had lost her will to go on too.
2 kids within a few km of each other and only a few hours apart, scary and too close to home for my liking.
Where have we gone wrong as a society where our kids feel this is the only path.
We cant allow this to be an acceptable option for our youth, we owe them more than that.

So sad.

Tui2 · 18-10-2016, 11:59 AM

I tried to give my son. . Now 20.. a chance to stand up for himself.. to not be bullied.. fight your own battles.. to accept that what others may say and do.. is not your only option... turns out he didn't like standing up for himself as his angry damaged loud dad only scared him.. and his quiet pacifist expoliceman stepfather and the 'just dob them in' attitude suited his temperament. And because im built old school i have to leave them to it. So what is right and what is wrong how do we know what is the correct input for a child to cope with.?

**fordomatic** · 18-10-2016, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trejo

I tried to give my son. . Now 20.. a chance to stand up for himself.. to not be bullied.. fight your own battles.. to accept that what others may say and do.. is not your only option... turns out he didn't like standing up for himself as his angry damaged loud dad only scared him.. and his quiet pacifist expoliceman stepfather and the 'just dob them in' attitude suited his temperament. And because im built old school i have to leave them to it. So what is right and what is wrong how do we know what is the correct input for a child to cope with.?

Mate as someone who was bullied up until year 8 the way you went about it is not the good way. The best thing that hapenned to me was when Mum stopped taking Dads advice of me standing up for myself and marched me up to the school and made me see the principle. I had the moral courage to dob the 3 offenders in and I was never bullied again. It's easily the best thing my Mum EVER did for me in my life. After that my grades went up and I had a strong friendship group all the way through high school.

Oh and for the record, i did take Dads advice and stood up for myself, I copped some of the biggest beatdowns ever, kids don't fight singularly, if ones copping a flogging their mates jump in and help, it never ended well for me.

It's funny I am a totally different person now than I was then. I find myself diffusing any situation that comes up with violence simply because it's just not worth it. I don't want to go home thinking about something I did for the next two weeks, I want to go home and forget about the situation. Diffusing violent situations always means i go home happy. Beside work I have only been in two fights since i left high school, and both of those were from a man beating a women, which i don't stand for.