What jokes do you know?

[benoxr]

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

[Burnout]

NEW MEDICATIONS

D A M I T O L - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8
hours.

St. M O M's W O R T - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering Preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N - Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by Enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and
how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
swallowed Before an evening out increases breast size, decreases
intelligence, and improves flirting.

D U M E R O L - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ
Causing enjoyment of country western music.

F L I P I T O R - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road
rage And the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N - Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases
resistance to Such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can
we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases
Potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL - When combined with Buyagra, can cause an
indiscriminate buying Frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a
Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

J A C K A S S P I R I N - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't
remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be
used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

S E X C E D R I N - More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now,
dear, I Have a headache," syndrome.

R A G A M E T - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation
as Ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing
it herself.

[FGII-XR6]

The Navy Way.

The Chief noticed a new seaman one day... and barked at him, "Get over
here!" "What is your name?" was the first thing the Chief asked the new
guy.

"Phil," the new guy replied.

The Chief scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal
pansy stuff they're teaching Sailors in boot camp today,
but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that
leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last name
only. Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all.

I am to be referred to only as Chief. Do I make myself clear?"

"Aye aye, Chief!"

"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling, cheif, my name is Phil Darling!"

"Okay then, Phil, here's what I want you to do"

[FGII-XR6]

Sitting on a London train

A man was sitting on a London train eating a bag of fresh prawns, ripping
off the heads and shells and then throwing them out of the window. After
he had gobbled a few of them down an older woman opposite him said, "Would
you mind not doing that? It's disgusting to watch."

"Listen, love." He replied, "It's got nothing to do with you, I've paid my
fare for this journey and I'll do what I damn well want on this train."

He carried on ripping off the shells, throwing them out of the window and
eating the prawns. Finally he finished the bag and settled back for a
little sleep.

The woman then started some knitting and all the man could hear while he
was trying to sleep was the incessant clicking of her knitting needles.
After a while, he sits back up and says to the woman,

"Could you stop that noise, can't you see I'm trying to sleep?"

"It's got nothing to do with you," replies the old woman, "I've paid my
fare and I'll do what I want on this train."

At that, the man grabbed the woman's knitting and threw it out of the
window. The woman immediately stood up and pulled the train alarm cord.

The man burst out laughing and said, "Ha ha, you'll get fined 200 pounds
for that!"

To which the old woman replied, "And you'll get six years when the police
smell your fingers."

[Jason[98.EL]]

Live for today..yesterday is gone ....tomorrow might never come





S O M E T I ME S


Sometimes...

when you cry..

no one sees your tears.



Sometimes...

when you are in pain...

no one sees your hurt.



Sometimes.

when you are worried..

no one sees your stress


Sometimes .

when you are happy..

no one sees your smile ..










But FART !! just ONE time...

And everybody knows!!

Bet you thought this was going to be one of those heart-touching stories...


Grimus

[Jason[98.EL]]

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;
he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the
hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.












An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.







The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard,



walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.



This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar:


'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is



and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'







The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:



'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.





Can I come with him tomorrow?'

[Burnout]

It pays to have private hospital cover

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital when
during her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating
furiously.

"Oh my GOD!!" screamed the woman, "That's disgraceful!!! Why is he doing
that??"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that
you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his
testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five
times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily
rupture".

"Oh well, in that case, I guess it's ok." commented the woman.

In the very next room a male patient was lying in bed and it was obvious
that a nurse was performing oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD!! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness, private health cover"

[AndrewR_AUII]

Originally Posted by Burnedout

It pays to have private hospital cover

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital when
during her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating
furiously.

"Oh my GOD!!" screamed the woman, "That's disgraceful!!! Why is he doing
that??"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that
you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his
testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five
times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily
rupture".

"Oh well, in that case, I guess it's ok." commented the woman.

In the very next room a male patient was lying in bed and it was obvious
that a nurse was performing oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD!! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness, private health cover"

I have private Health Cover, but how do I get this illness ?

[Burnout]

Originally Posted by AndrewR_AUII

I have private Health Cover, but how do I get this illness ?

It's perhaps something contagious - you get from your hand.............

[killerjoolz]

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.

They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.


The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: 'Nescafe'

Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.


It said: 'Good till the last drop'.

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.



The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: 'Rothmans'


Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: 'Extra Long. King Size'

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.



The third girl left for her honeymoon in Auckland, New Zealand. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.


Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words 'Air New Zealand'

Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ.





The ad said: 'Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'

Mum fainted!

[killerjoolz]

Shrek, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were all having lunch together.

Shrek said, 'I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the
world, but how can I be sure?

'Brad Pitt said, 'I'm pretty sure I'm the sexiest man alive but I've never
had it confirmed.'

Angelina Jolie agreed. 'I'm told I'm the most gorgeous of them all, but
sometimes I wonder.'

They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true
was to ask the famed talking 'mirror, mirror on the wall' to confirm for
them whether Shrek was the strongest, Angelina Jolie was the most gorgeous
and Brad Pitt was the sexiest. They agreed to meet again the next day for
lunch to discuss their findings.

The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. 'Well, true. The mirror told me
that I am the strongest man in the world.'


Brad Pitt perked up and said: 'And I know for sure that I'm the sexiest
man alive.'

But Angelina Jolie lifted her sad, gorgeous face and said... (scroll down)
































WHO THE HELL is KILLERJOOLZ ?????????

[deesun]

A married couple walked in to a Jamaican sandal shop.
The proprietor said to them, 'I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in.
Dey make you wild at sex.'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals
after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really
didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you
into a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife,
finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild
look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many
years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the
Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his
pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of
the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming, 'You got dem on the wrong feet!'

[killerjoolz]

Birds of a feather

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'



The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.



'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.



The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.



Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.



At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'



He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.



Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.



Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'





THERE'S MORE...





Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.



He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.



'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.



He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.



He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.



Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.



Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.



Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'





IT IS NOT OVER YET...





Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.



He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.



Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.



Once more Paddy shakes his head.



'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'

[Burnout]

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by
writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "GoofyMickeyMinniePluto" and so I
asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they said it had to have at least four
characters."

[caputo23]

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

[killerjoolz]

Paddy met Mick in the street and Mick said, 'Paddy will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in future?'

'Why?' Paddy asked.

'Because', said Mick, 'all the street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday.'

Mick said,'Silly buggers - the laugh's on them. I wasn't home yesterday!!'

[RSgerry]

Murphy being interviewed for a blacksmiths job was asked if he had any experience shoeing horses.

He said no but he once told a donkey to f*#k off

[Burnout]

What's the definition of mixed emotions?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff
in your new car.

What's the height of conceit?
Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and
a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children
to play with....
the other is used to carry groceries.

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

[GS608]

Originally Posted by Burnedout

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

heard that one on the radio at work the other day, funny as
they all thought it was lame though!

[benoxr]

A bogan walked into the centerlink office, marched straight up to the counter and said, 'Hi. You know, I just HATE getting welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

The worker behind the counter said, 'Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful 30 year old daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $100,000 a year.'

The guy, wide-eyed, said, 'You're bullshittin' me!'

The Centerlink worker said, 'Yeah, well . . . you started it.'

[schnoods]

Paddy O'Halloran somehow managed to get his Pilots licence and was on his maiden voyage as a pilot, flying a plane from belfast to paris.

All was well, despite the nerves he managed a faultless take off, set course no worries and everything was on time.

After taking off, he was radio'ed by air traffic control, "Flight 664, what is your height and Position?"

He replied " I'm six foot four, and im sitting at the front".

[Burnout]

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a
show. The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says,
"I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a
beautiful rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow?"

She agrees and a date is made. The next night he knocks on her door and when
she opens it she slaps him hard across the face. He is stunned. "What was
that for?" he asked.

She said, "I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopedia last night and it
said 'Not well suited to bedding but is excellent for rooting up against a
garden wall.'"

[Jason[98.EL]]

[Burnout]

A man was in court for a double murder and the judge said: "You are charged
with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out: "You bastard!"

The judge continued: "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death
with a hammer."

Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out: "You God-damned
bastard!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said:
"Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will
not have any more of these outbursts from you, or I shall charge you with
contempt. Now, is that a problem?"

The man at the back of the court stood up and explained: "For fifteen years I
lived next door to that bastard. And EVERY time I asked to borrow a hammer,
he said he didn't have one!"

[Burnout]

The Italian Secret of a Long Marriage

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church in South Philly they have a weekly husband's
only marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who
was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and
share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same
woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I've a-tried to treat-a
her nizza, spenda money on her, but besta of all is that I tooka her to
Italy for the 20th anniversary!"

The Priest responded "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the
husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for
your 50th Anniversary."


Luigi proudly replied, "I'm agonna go get her."

[prydey]

that is absolute gold!!!

[dave289]

I got a new rolex for my birthday from the lesbian girls next door! I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch"

[pauljh74]

Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.
********************************************

Freddie Mercury. He was great on the piano but sucked on the organ.
********************************************

Autocomplete : Destroying marriages since Windows '95.
********************************************

After the success of F C U K, Chipping Norton under tens are bringing out their own line of clothing.
********************************************

Four Worms and a lesson to be learned:

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol -Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup -Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil -Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -What did you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service!
***************************************

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?

Humpme Dumpme.

[Burnout]

WHAT'S YOUR BUSINESS SIGN?

MARKETING

You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to
study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socialising which is
pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with
Accountants.

SALES

Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree."
Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid
contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek
admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

TECHNOLOGY

Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to
completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU
don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can. It is written that
Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

ENGINEERING

One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety
percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with
yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets.
However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."

ACCOUNTING

The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office
politics. You are the most feared person in the organisation; combined with
your extreme organisational traits, the majority of rumours concerning you say
that you are completely insane.

HUMAN RESOURCES

Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the
biggest gossip within the organisation. Possibly the only other person that
does less work than marketing. You are unable to return any calls today
because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT

Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at
your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision
you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for
yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in your
social circle is a "Middle Manager."

SENIOR MANAGEMENT

(See above - Same sign, different title)

CUSTOMER SERVICE

Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own
life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for
your room and a headset so you could pretend to say "Customer Service."
Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your
manager.

CONSULTANT

Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter
lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in
demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organisation
in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career
opportunities without ever taking direct action.

RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER"

As a "person" that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by
most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and
susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond
directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO

You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such
as the fax machine suggests the latter.

================================================== =======

And in a little poor taste:

For those of you following the News:

Police in Lahore have just finished counting the bullets fired in the
Cricket Team shooting.....


The final result 7 for 366!

[xbrules]

Alfa Romeo:

Passionate and Romantic: You fancy yourself, a bit unreliable and can be eccentric too, you hate BMW drivers but think and act just like them.

Audi:

You would like to believe you are part of the new generation that is caring, environmentally conscious and family oriented. Actually quite boring: nothing more than a glorified wuss. One day you will probably drive a Merc, but you sometimes wonder if you should have bought that Bee-Em.

BMW:

Self-Centered, ambitious, dynamic and assertive. you can be a big show off pig. likes impressing too. buppies and kugels past sell-by date. Think you will be CEO one day. Actually an office weenie who thinks their God's gift.

Daewoo:

Faceless, Subservient and demure (except for matiz drivers). To you, a good deal is to work nine till five, get nothing for it, and still say thank you. and then wonder why you don't have any money for a time after hours.

Fiat:

Cute, self-confident girls, climbing the corporate ladder with ball-breaking as their secret hidden agenda. will take everything you own if she divorces you.

Ford:

You still live in the 70's, trying to cope with the 90's (don't even mention the millennium) A loyal, diligent worker but baffled by office polotics and labor policies. next car will probably also be a ford.

Holden:

You are the ULTIMATE on-road W#$ker. You think your 80's model commodore is a V8 supercar, OR you think by owning a barina you are a true holden fan. Your either a redneck or a way too standard family parent-but either way, you drive like you are the only person on the road. you are even ignorant enough to argue the new Holden is better than the new Ford.

Honda:

You aspire to drive a BMW. You are an opinionated pain in the butt. the ultimate suffragette. or the bosses girlfriend (male or female).

Isuzu:

You smell like diesel and have a secret fantasy about being a truck driver.

Hyundai/Kia

Quite progressive, intelligent and practical, but misguided. the kind of person who will suggest a sub-committee to find the solutions a sub-committee couldn't. You always maintain that a Korean car is better than any Japanese model.

Jeep:

You would like to believe you are living the American dream or just love the great outdoors. the closest you get to it is watching Days of our Lives and the Adventure channel.

Land Rover:

You are a designer person with a designer life, who always pays too much for everything. designer mud comes free with the badge. You're a closet colonial racist and have fantasies about the Queen. if you have a freelander, it was probably a gift from you're ex.

Mazda:

A Ford driver with less money. Mostly staid boring with no image and less imagination. lots of retired people drive mazda's. you're in the way and should get off the road.

Mercedes Benz:

Responsible, immaculate and conservative. boring CEO clones with too much money, or the office super geek who cant remember what its like to have fun. Definitely not dating material.

Nissan:

Good, solid, loyal, responsible office-fodder. you like to travel and maintain that you can sell ice to the eskimos. Favourite answer "it's a company car".

Mitsubishi:

Not as label conscious as your land rover counterpart, but still suckered into believing in the ultimate Paris to Dakar African adventure. you drive thruohg puddles to create your own designer mud. you believe you've made the grade but everyone else knows you've got along way to go.

Peugeot:

Thinks France is the best country in the world and bores everyone with your limited knowledge and tales of the Louvre and the Sourbonne.

Porsche:

Small D*&k or midlife crisis.

Renault:

An eccentric who likes doing things the wrong way round. usually the one who asks silly questions at the staff meetings. you fervently believe you have flair, but its less than that of a french cookbook. most probably gay.

SsangYong:

a make-believe fool, because you'd like a Pajero but can't afford it. Don't actually know the engines are made in India not germany.

Toyota:

although there are thousands of them, you mostly can't spot them in their zero-image cars. Toyotas are good, reliable cars bought by a wide variety of people with no personality to go with their cars and are basically cowards who will never take chances and will therefore be driving Toyotas forever. the most zero-image car in the world..a white carolla.

Volkswagen:

Highly overrated for dependability cars since the days of the beetle, but they do have a good resale value. usually practical, sensible people who like to drive fast where nobody can see them. they are usually loyal to the brand to the point of irritation due to the fact they lost their virginity on the beetles back seat.

Volvo:

As square and as safe as the car.