Depression, Anxiety

[BENT_8]

Thanks for the advice guys, it is truely appreciated.

To be honest im not interested in contesting it, the money wont replace him, nor ease the pain. My only concern is that someone who proclaims to be a loving Daughter could take advantage of a dying old man on his death bed, the thought of it makes me want to inflict harm.

Contesting it would just lower me to their level and i aint going there, i'll walk away with my pride intact and head held high.

Unfortunately the dog is already in her posession, poor buggers already seen off my Dads best mate a few years ago and dad promised to care for him. Sad to think that he will see dad off and then be put down for no reason other than spite.
At least he'll be with them up there, wherever there is.

[HULK_I6T]

Plenty people get stressed about nothing.

I have a very legitimate reason to be depressed. Im not on any medication, i still have some dark days but you need to find reasons to live, not reasons to stop living.

Put things into perspective, are your problems serious when compared to other people? Even if they are, think of reasons to live, not reasons why you cannot.

[MAGPIE]

I'd be stealing the dog no if's but's or maybe's.

[raised by monkeys]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

She's even admitted that she will have his dog put down when he takes his last breath, so no one else gets it, what type of person takes it out on a dog ffs.

Keeping in mind you don't want to contest in the best interest of family matters, but a dog being put down; it may be my biased thinking who would prefer the company of a dog, but maybe you could speak to the RSPCA?

The fact that a dog has to die sickens me as much as the rest of your dilemma, and I feel for you.

[snopony]

Having the ability to identify when you are lowering yourself to their standards and being aware of it is a very very good mindset to have! lots of people don't have that awareness.

And yeh, I value a dog over some of our other choice family members, and thats not a bad thing either.

[Sam_Boss260]

Bent, that is just crap !! I feel for you mate, I really do. Having lost dad last year (mum was 4 years ago) I am so grateful that my siblings and I were so amicable and we had no issue in sorting out the affairs. Parents passing are emotional enough, you don't need that crap. Having said that, the story with my wife's family is another story, with some similarities to yours but nowhere near as bad.

As has been said, get some advice now. If for anything to give you peace of mind and to send a warning shot to your controlling sister to let her know that you won't be taking this lying down. See your father, even at her house. Do not let her get in the way of the final moments with your dad. Once he is gone he is gone and you don't want that on your conscious. Spend time with him, say what you need to say and be at peace with him and what is about to happen. I had the same with my dad, and told him things that I hadn't said to him in 40 years. F*&$ your sister, this is your dad we are talking about.

And yes, go and get the dog, or have someone "leave a gate open".

Hang in there.....

[mmhmm]

Originally Posted by superyob

Never have I been struck down by these afflictions. I put that down to never having left the 70s and engaging with the confused values of later decades...

True story!

Actually, the prospect of running out of beer makes me feel a little anxious...

Not to sound wierd, but tell us more about your lifestyle?

I know that facebook creates lots of acceptable levels of anxiety, advertising also about the materialism you should own and when you don't people become depressed or suffer anxiety.
we have lots of pressures in our job, including owning a home, cars , fashion, women or men whichever you float.

Im about to hit my 30's so i'd like to hear from the fellas older, what can we ( I ) do to live a more traditional way of life where it wasn't weird to say " hello " and how are you " face to face and now how people are generally talking through their phones.


To help with levels of anxiety or feeling rushed, You have to do breathing exercises, 4 seconds slowly in, 4 seconds out.
if your mind rushes with thoughts , claim it as a though and tell yourself its not useful and its bs.
social networking aggravates this.
I learnt this with some policing and military guys who had to stay focused in the U.S

anybody else that can chime in on a more traditional approach go for it.

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

I wont go to his funeral as they fought like cat and dog at their mothers and im not sitting through that with my kids. They actually had to get a court order over their mothers ashes as the controlling Sister kept them to herself and in the end had to get a photo of her tipping them out at the beach to satisfy the court.
I can only imagine where Dad will end up.

So i caved in and saw my Dad off today, he passed away last week.

True to form they couldnt let him go without making a scene, bastards.

[BENT_8]

Was listening to this last night, so appropriate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APXwdkdhC2c

[superyob]

Originally Posted by mmhmm

Not to sound wierd, but tell us more about your lifestyle?

I know that facebook creates lots of acceptable levels of anxiety, advertising also about the materialism you should own and when you don't people become depressed or suffer anxiety.we have lots of pressures in our job, including owning a home, cars , fashion, women or men whichever you float.

Im about to hit my 30's so i'd like to hear from the fellas older, what can we ( I ) do to live a more traditional way of life where it wasn't weird to say " hello " and how are you " face to face and now how people are generally talking through their phones.


To help with levels of anxiety or feeling rushed, You have to do breathing exercises, 4 seconds slowly in, 4 seconds out.
if your mind rushes with thoughts , claim it as a though and tell yourself its not useful and its bs.
social networking aggravates this.
I learnt this with some policing and military guys who had to stay focused in the U.S

anybody else that can chime in on a more traditional approach go for it.

I don't think I can give a direct answer for this mmhmm, but I am a deeply conservative family man who utterly rejects the values, processes and beliefs of a post modern twenty first century, including that in bold...

For such an increasingly 'educated' society, I sense there is a disproportionate number of people who are very unhappy. The more we are told lies like we can do whatever we want, be whoever we want and put self first, the more anxiety and depression will afflict the lives of those who subscribe to that false idol.

Not sure if that helps but that's my take on things...

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by superyob

For such an increasingly 'educated' society, I sense there is a disproportionate number of people who are very unhappy. The more we are told lies like we can do whatever we want, be whoever we want and put self first, the more anxiety and depression will afflict the lives of those who subscribe to that false idol.

Not sure if that helps but that's my take on things...

Can someone explain this to my missus?

She is still of the mindset she can do what she wants when she wants with no consequences.

I try to tell her as soon as she became a mother that whole side of life disappeared and she has a responsibility to be a mother first, wife second and everything else a distant last.

The same response - I can do what I want and no-one controls me.

Ah yes they do, it's called your child.

[Sam_Boss260]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

So i caved in and saw my Dad off today, he passed away last week.

True to form they couldnt let him go without making a scene, bastards.

Sorry to hear that Bent. I would have gone also, just to show my respect to my dad, forget the others and their actions. Disappointing that they made a scene though. Hold your head high and just try and take the high ground.

You know what they say.... when one lies with a dog who has fleas, you know what happens.....

[superyob]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

So i caved in and saw my Dad off today, he passed away last week.

True to form they couldnt let him go without making a scene, bastards.

You did the right thing Bent 8, in my opinion...

[xpvanman]

Anybody got any suggestions what to do when you lose your wife very suddenly at 49, then 3 months later, you lose your job ?

For the last 18 months I have been dragging my *** around here, but lately it has been really coming to a head....something I cannot see a way out of.

[Sam_Boss260]

Originally Posted by xpvanman

Anybody got any suggestions what to do when you lose your wife very suddenly at 49, then 3 months later, you lose your job ?

For the last 18 months I have been dragging my *** around here, but lately it has been really coming to a head....something I cannot see a way out of.

xpvanman, if you truly feel that you cannot see a way out, you need to talk to a professional quick smart. See your GP ASAP and he can authorise some free sessions with a professional.

What you have gone through sounds like absolute hell, and I commend you for getting through the last 18 months, but if you feel it is coming to a head, seek help my friend.

As always, we are here on AFF to support and listen, but we can only help to a point and it sounds like you may need some extra assistance.

Keep us posted and we are all here for you

[xpvanman]

Trouble is, this is not the first time I have had to live through this situation - I am a second time around veteran...

Brief history

Normal happy childhood...In my late teens met someone who I now regard as the worst mistake of my life...this relationship produced a daughter. We were together for 10 years

1995 my father was killed at Newcastle BHP with another co worker....this hit me really hard...3 months later, the ex runs off with someone else....

Then I get to live by myself for 6 years...just did my own thing and made the best out of the situation..

2002 met my wife...wow - this is how life is meant to be ! We both came into the relationship with a house and daughter each....and we got on great. We were together for 12 years.

2013 - At the beginning of every year my wife used to get check ups for breast cancer... In April a lump pops up, which resulted in a Masectomy, then 4 bouts of chemo which finished in November...we go away on our annual trip north for 2 weeks before Xmas - something is wrong ? she is always hot & has to spend most of the time under the A/C, but is ok otherwise...get home and take her to hospital on Xmas eve....sorry, but your wife is full of cancer, and within 2 weeks, she has gone.

Ever tried organising a funeral for your wife before she has actually died - or telling her 20yo daughter her mother is going to die very soon ? extremely hard to do...

I thought I had served my share of heart break in 1995....this situation now is a lot worse

[GT0132]

Originally Posted by xpvanman

Trouble is, this is not the first time I have had to live through this situation - I am a second time around veteran...

Brief history

Normal happy childhood...In my late teens met someone who I now regard as the worst mistake of my life...this relationship produced a daughter. We were together for 10 years

1995 my father was killed at Newcastle BHP with another co worker....this hit me really hard...3 months later, the ex runs off with someone else....

Then I get to live by myself for 6 years...just did my own thing and made the best out of the situation..

2002 met my wife...wow - this is how life is meant to be ! We both came into the relationship with a house and daughter each....and we got on great. We were together for 12 years.

2013 - At the beginning of every year my wife used to get check ups for breast cancer... In April a lump pops up, which resulted in a Masectomy, then 4 bouts of chemo which finished in November...we go away on our annual trip north for 2 weeks before Xmas - something is wrong ? she is always hot & has to spend most of the time under the A/C, but is ok otherwise...get home and take her to hospital on Xmas eve....sorry, but your wife is full of cancer, and within 2 weeks, she has gone.

Ever tried organising a funeral for your wife before she has actually died - or telling her 20yo daughter her mother is going to die very soon ? extremely hard to do...

I thought I had served my share of heart break in 1995....this situation now is a lot worse

Man, that is terrible. You must be feeling gutted. I really feel for you.

[TheSneakiness]

Agreed with the above post. If my heart could shatter more than it is now reading that made it happen.

[Sam_Boss260]

Originally Posted by xpvanman

Trouble is, this is not the first time I have had to live through this situation - I am a second time around veteran...

Brief history

Normal happy childhood...In my late teens met someone who I now regard as the worst mistake of my life...this relationship produced a daughter. We were together for 10 years

1995 my father was killed at Newcastle BHP with another co worker....this hit me really hard...3 months later, the ex runs off with someone else....

Then I get to live by myself for 6 years...just did my own thing and made the best out of the situation..

2002 met my wife...wow - this is how life is meant to be ! We both came into the relationship with a house and daughter each....and we got on great. We were together for 12 years.

2013 - At the beginning of every year my wife used to get check ups for breast cancer... In April a lump pops up, which resulted in a Masectomy, then 4 bouts of chemo which finished in November...we go away on our annual trip north for 2 weeks before Xmas - something is wrong ? she is always hot & has to spend most of the time under the A/C, but is ok otherwise...get home and take her to hospital on Xmas eve....sorry, but your wife is full of cancer, and within 2 weeks, she has gone.

Ever tried organising a funeral for your wife before she has actually died - or telling her 20yo daughter her mother is going to die very soon ? extremely hard to do...

I thought I had served my share of heart break in 1995....this situation now is a lot worse

That is shattering..... BUT, kudos to you for getting through this so far. Take the positive, you are stronger than you think. If you got through the last 20 years you have the strength to move on....

[xpvanman]

Simply put - we were soul mates.

We had often discussed in later years - say 30 years in the future - if one of us died, it would be nice if the other one went as well, so the one left behind would not be left suffering.

Unfortunately I am now the one doing the suffering...

Being told on Xmas eve that Karen was going to die had the impact like being hit in the face with a shovel. I did not eat or sleep for 7 days - and it took it's toll...The day before she died, my sister came out here to sort out some paper work that the solicitor required in regards to her will.... she could tell something was not right and I had something planned.. called the police when she went home..

So I was in the hospital when Karen died...but in another section

3 months later I was made redundant due to the affects of the carbon tax...so since then I continue to pace...this house is just on 3 years old - we had just finished building it when my wife got sick, so there should be a deep trench in the tiles now from all of the pacing I do.

[nuthin' fancy]

Xp,

I'm so sorry for what you have had to and continue to endure. I don't know what I would do.

There are a lot of places you can go whether if Lifeline, Beyond Blue, even the funeral parlour you used will have guideance and grief counselling.

Don't think you have to ensure it alone. Don't choose to try and do it on your own.

John

[Smoke Pursuit]

Yes there are also places that run CBT programs too, which can help you process your thoughts / talk to other people who are feeling down / or similar to you. Some of these places you can stay at while you are doing their programs which can help with other things like sleep, diet and general mood.

XP dont give up mate! I am sure there are people in your life that care about you!

[xpvanman]

Thanks guys for your input.

Really don't know what the next option is...

Before she died, we had a few talks in regards what she wanted me to do for her after she gone -

1) Finish off the old house (We had a rental that was half finished) - Done

2) Look after her cats - Done

3) Be there for her daughter (she regards me as her dad - her real father vanished from the scene years ago with no contact since ) - this is another problem...

As her mother and her was very close, she has gone totally off the rails...smoking, taking drugs & hanging out with guys in their 30's - she is 21 now and will not listen - there is nothing I can do in regards to this - and I feel like I have let my wife down.

4) When I thought I was ready, she wanted me to move on with my life, but not to forget her - that will never happen. I thought I will try this option....boy is there some mixed up women out there ! 1 seemed ok - but if she got depressed she would really wig out - then try and find the solution at the bottom of a wine bottle...Banish that one ! Another one had breast cancer 6 years ago...instant alarm bells ring ! she had been clear for the last 4 years, so ok she could be a friend.... she gets a call from her doc one day...yep cancer is back....cannot go there again...

So both of these experiences have really made me miss what I once had. But the question I have been asking myself this week is -can I afford to potentially lose somebody else in my life ? or if I stay single the rest of my life - die a lonely old man with a broken heart ?

I had a mate suicide at the beginning of the year from a very trivial matter. His life was so easy compared to mine.

[fordomatic]

Originally Posted by xpvanman

Really don't know what the next option is...

Your next option is to speak to a professional and get some help mate, there is absolutely zero shame in having a chat to someone about your situation. Sometimes we just need to put stuff out there like you have and if you speak to the right people they can give you tools that will help. I've had some dark days myself and have struggled, i went and saw people who gave me the vision to look forward again. It wont change over night but that first step of picking up the phone is the most important one.

Hop off the forums for now and pick up the phone mate, you will thank yourself you did in 10 years

[Sam_Boss260]

^^^^^^^ What he said !!

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by xpvanman

So both of these experiences have really made me miss what I once had. But the question I have been asking myself this week is -can I afford to potentially lose somebody else in my life ? or if I stay single the rest of my life - die a lonely old man with a broken heart ?

Dealing with a separation right now where I put my whole being into caring and loving a woman more than anything in the world (which lead to me pushing away ALOT of people including direct family) I'm kind of in the same boat however I feel that my heart is starting to lean towards loving again. Just thinking about her depresses me as I thought we would be together until we died.

I wouldn't stay single for too long only because it makes your mind wander to places you don't want to be. Things you don't want to think about. You mention you have a daughter from a previous relationship, has she been there for you?

Your wife's daughter however is a different story and requires intervention but the sounds of it. She will be hurting as much as you but chooses to act out instead of reflecting. Both dangerous in their own ways. If you are able to pull her aside and try to make her see sense.

The other thing is to swallow your pride and go to the GP or call Beyond Blue or something like that. Ever since I was made to move out at a younger age I decided then and there that I wouldn't accept anyone's help. This situation I'm in now made me realise that it doesn't hurt to seek help. In the last month I've been to counsellors and GPs because I need to help me, mentally and physically.

I do feel better about myself now and have subconsciously taken steps to better me.

Do the same. It doesn't hurt to ask.

[BLUEYBA]

Originally Posted by xpvanman

Thanks guys for your input.

Really don't know what the next option is...

Before she died, we had a few talks in regards what she wanted me to do for her after she gone -

1) Finish off the old house (We had a rental that was half finished) - Done

2) Look after her cats - Done

3) Be there for her daughter (she regards me as her dad - her real father vanished from the scene years ago with no contact since ) - this is another problem...

As her mother and her was very close, she has gone totally off the rails...smoking, taking drugs & hanging out with guys in their 30's - she is 21 now and will not listen - there is nothing I can do in regards to this - and I feel like I have let my wife down.

4) When I thought I was ready, she wanted me to move on with my life, but not to forget her - that will never happen. I thought I will try this option....boy is there some mixed up women out there ! 1 seemed ok - but if she got depressed she would really wig out - then try and find the solution at the bottom of a wine bottle...Banish that one ! Another one had breast cancer 6 years ago...instant alarm bells ring ! she had been clear for the last 4 years, so ok she could be a friend.... she gets a call from her doc one day...yep cancer is back....cannot go there again...

So both of these experiences have really made me miss what I once had. But the question I have been asking myself this week is -can I afford to potentially lose somebody else in my life ? or if I stay single the rest of my life - die a lonely old man with a broken heart ?

I had a mate suicide at the beginning of the year from a very trivial matter. His life was so easy compared to mine.

That's a lot to deal with in your life and it has caught up with you. In my opinion I would see the GP to go and see a psychologist and talk through what you're going through. The will teach you to use strategies in coping with everything you've gone through. This is only a suggestion but it may be best to get yourself mentally right (this is an illness) before going into a new relationship. At the moment there is no clarity in your thinking and you need to sort that out. With you step daughter you may want tell her what you're going through and see a psychologist together.
All of these are suggestions and I hope it helps you in making positive steps to healing. A problem shared is a problem halved.
Also remember that it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.

[Uncle Niceguy]

Originally Posted by Uncle Niceguy

My life over the past few weeks made me remember this thread, especially since I am dealing with quite a bit of stress due to:
1. The rental l live in being for sale ( lease ends on 26th)
2. Struggling to find full time work (to the point where I am applying for apprenticeships)
3. The end of my main income due to my previous employer picking some one else to save money on wages (junior staff member).
All these things are not ideal for me at all plus the fact I failed my tafe course for the second year running. :-(

Sent from my C6903 using Tapatalk

Well as luck would have it l found a place to live AND a full-time job, it would seem that things are finally going good for me, thanks for the support guys.

Sent from my C6903 using Tapatalk

[kaniSS]

Been living with depression for 5-6 years now. For some strange reason I felt it come on after the birth of my kids, which is funny because from what I read women tend to get more depressed after the birth of kids rather than men.

Been to a few Drs who follow the typical procedure, give you a chart to fill out, and send to to a shrink, who may or may not be able to help you. I am also on meds at the moment which are called Valdoxan. This seems to be helping but I have my odd occasion where I feel down.

To cut a long story short, I finally decided to really think about what makes me feel like this and pinned it down to my suffocating job, my daily repetitive routine (grind), not being able to have more free time for myself anymore and generally feeling trapped in this slave like life.

I tell you when I hit the 2-3week Christmas new years break (from life) I feel amazing and no signs of depression what so ever. I enjoy the time with my kids and my family.

So to anyone who also has this, just take a moment and think about why and what are the causes to make you feel like this but above all see your DR.

[LTDHO]

Do people music tastes change?