What jokes do you know?

[XR6-VCT-2000]

: Woo Hoo , G'day everyone I'm back, been a long time !.

I'll add my 2cents worth of a joke:

Q: What did the chinaman name his kid when he realised it was born retarded ?

A: Sum Ting Wong.

[FGII-XR6]

Top 10 ridiculous British laws
1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament
2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down
3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store
4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day
5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter
6. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet
7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail belongs to the queen
8. It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing
9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour
10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow

[FGII-XR6]

Surround sound in supermarkets


The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister
to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the
sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk section, you hear cows mooing and get
the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg boxes, you hear hens cluck and cackle
and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs
frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

[Russ]

A bloke goes into a pet shop and buys himself a ferret. On his way home he decides he will go and see a movie at the cinemas. He walks in with the ferret on his arm and the lady at the ticket counter tells him there are no pets allowed. He slips outside, slides the ferret down the front of his trousers and wanders in and takes a seat. Once he is seated and the lights go dim he he opens his fly and the ferret pops it's head out and rests it on his lap. There's a guy and his girlfriend sitting next to him watching the movie when the girl turns to the boyfriend and says " Hey this dirty bugger next to me has his fly open and his thingy hanging out " The boyfriend tells her to ignore it and watch the movie. A few minutes later she tells the boyfriend of the problem again and again he says just to ignore it. She gets up out of her seat and cries out " How can I ignore it when it keeps eating my popcorn " :

[guitarman]

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

:

Simon, those jokes you're putting up are great.

Yep, they're absolute beauties, and plenty of 'em. Keep 'em coming, mate....... unless, of course, you're burned out! (pun intended)

Fev....that crab joke!!!!

and all the other peoples'! xr8ch,XR6VCT,Russ,au3,etc,

[Burnout]

An old couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep,
but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he
reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to
sleep.

A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck. "Angrily, he
threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going ?" she asked.
"To get my Teeth," he said.
__________________________________________________ _______________

Due to a power failure, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house
was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl,
to hold a flashlight high over her Mother so he could see while he helped
deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The
paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.
Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the
first place......... smack his bum again!

[TOASTED]

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the lightbulb must want to change

[TOASTED]

what do women and dog poo have in common?

The older they are the easier they are to pick up

[TOASTED]

why did the women cross the road?

who cares? wat was she doing out of the kitchen

[TOASTED]

why do women have such small feet?

it allows them to stand closer to the sink

[TOASTED]

how many blokes does it take to open a beer?

none, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

[guitarman]

GET THE EXTINGUISHER, craigos on fire!:SaiyanSmi

Burnedout, you actually outdid yourself with those last two!: classics!

[guitarman]

Citizen 1: "Did you see that our local Chinese Food store has closed down, and a Cat Shelter has opened up in its place!"
Citizen 2: "Gee, that's like one extreme to another!"

[FGII-XR6]

Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize.

Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game, but unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question. Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home.

"I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are. You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow!"

"Relax, honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her. "It will all be OK."

Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.
"Where are you going?" Jane asked.
"I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon" he replied.

Jane waited impatiently for Roger's return. After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!"

"What is it?" she cried excitedly.
"OK. The question is: 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?'
And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the pen*s.'"

Shortly after that, the couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling confident and at ease, plummeting into a deep and restful slumber. At 3:30 in the morning, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question.
"The head, the heart, and the pen*s," Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep.

And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly. So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel the butterflies conquering her stomach and nervousness running through her veins.

The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience
of the previous days events, faced Jane and asked the big question.

"Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds."

"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good.
Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the heart?" "Very good! Four seconds."

"I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough," said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!"

[stera]

Twelve priests were about to be ordained.

The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction.

She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.

Poor Carlos.

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.

He bent over to pick it up......

Then all the other bells started to ring...

[Burnout]

HOW DO I GET TO HEAVEN?

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in the Sunday school class.

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again the answer was, "NO!"

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.

Once more they all answered, "NO!"

"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically
sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

FUNDAMENTAL LAWS

LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM:
When you dial a wrong number, you will never get a busy signal.

CANNON'S KARMIC LAW:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

O'BRIEN'S VARIATION LAW:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

BELL'S THEOREM
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone with whom you would rather not be seen.

WILLOUGHBY'S LAW
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the difficulty of the reach.

BREDA'S RULE
At any theatrical event, those people whose seats are furthest from the aisle will arrive last.

OWEN'S LAW
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

HOWDEN'S LAW
You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.

Oh Yes & COLES LAW
Thinly sliced Cabbage.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

EXPENSIVE MEMORIAL

A woman's husband dies. He had $30,000 to his name.

After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her
closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left.

The friend says, "How can that be?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. and of course I made a
donation to the church. That was $500, and I spent another $500 for the wake,
food and drinks, you know. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big is it?"

The widow says, "Three carats."

---------------------------------------------------------------------
WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day. Women use 30,000 words a day compared to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything
to men."

The husband turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would
be attracted to me, and God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You're in charge of cooking around here and you should do
it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

The wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that
the man should do the coffee."

The husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament. She showed him at the
top of several pages that it indeed says, "HEBREWS"

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO'S COMPUTER CONVERSATION


You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to
REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who
sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on ...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
"Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:

---------------------------------------------------------------------

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,
track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some
straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4.
Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty
much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part
of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You
have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".......
---------------------------------------------------------------------


Not a Joke – Just Funny as!
A copy of a letter...........

A plea for help from a grounded Australian to his friend, BJ....

Hi Mate,

I am writing to you, because I need your help to get me bloody pilots
licence back (you keep telling me you got all the right contacts, well now's your chance to make something happen for me because, mate, I'm bloody desperate). But first, I'd better tell you what happened during my last flight review with the CAA Examiner.
On the phone, Ron (that's the CAA d**khead) seemed a reasonable sort of bloke. He politely reminded me of the need to do a flight review every two years. He even offered to drive out, have look over my property and let me operate from my own strip. Naturally I agreed to that.

Anyway, Ron turned up last Wednesday.
First up, he said he was a bit surprised to see the plane on a small
strip outside my homestead because the ALA (Authorized Landing Area) is about a mile away. I explained that because this strip was so close to the homestead, it was more convenient than that strip, despite the power lines crossing about midway down the strip (it's really not a problem to land and take-off because at the half-way point down the strip you're usually still on the ground).

For some reason Ron seemed nervous. So, although I had done the
pre-flight inspection only four days earlier, I decided to do it all
over again. Because the p***k was watching me carefully, I walked around the plane three times instead of my usual two.

My effort was rewarded because the colour finally returned to Ron's
cheeks - in fact they went a bright red. In view of Ron's obviously
better mood, I told him I was going to combine the test flight with farm work as I had to deliver three poddy calves from the home paddock to the main herd. After a bit of a chase I finally caught the calves and threw them into the back of the ol' Cessna 172. We climbed aboard but Ron started getting' into me about weight and balance calculations and all that crap. Of course I knew that sort of thing was a waste of time because, calves like to move around a bit, particularly when they see themselves 500 feet off the ground! So, its bloody pointless trying to secure them as you know. However, I did tell Ron that he shouldn't worry as I always keep the trim wheel set on neutral to ensure we remain pretty stable at all stages throughout the flight.

Anyway, I started the engine and cleverly minimised the warm-up time by tramping hard on the brakes and gunning her to 2,500rpm. I then
discovered that Ron has very acute hearing, even though he was wearing a bloody headset. Through all that noise he detected a metallic rattle and demanded I account for it. Actually it began about a month ago and was caused by a screwdriver that fell down a hole in the floor and lodged in the fuel selector mechanism. The selector can't be moved now, but it doesn't matter because it's jammed on 'All tanks', so I suppose that's OK.

However, as Ron was obviously a real nit-picker, I blamed the noise on vibration from a stainless steel thermos flask, which I keep in a beaut little possie between the windshield and the magnetic compass. My explanation seemed to relax Ron because he slumped back in the seat and kept looking up at the cockpit roof. I released the brakes to taxi out but unfortunately the plane gave a leap and spun to the right, "Hell" I thought, "not the starboard wheel chock again". The bump jolted Ron back to full alertness. He looked wildly around just in time to see a rock thrown by the propwash disappear completely through the windscreen of his brand new Commodore. "Now I'm really in trouble", I thought.

While Ron was busy ranting about his car, I ignored his requirement that we taxi to the ALA and instead took off under the power lines. Ron didn't say a word, at least not until the engine started coughing right at the lift off point, then he bloody screamed his head off, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"

"Now take it easy, Ron" I told him firmly, "that often happens on
take-off and there is a good reason for it." I explained patiently that I usually run the plane on standard MOGAS, but one day I accidentally put in a gallon or two of kerosene. To compensate for the low octane of the kerosene, I siphoned in a few gallons off super MOGAS and shook the wings up and down a few times to mix it up. Since then, the engine has been coughing a bit but in general it works just fine, if you know how to coax it properly.
Anyway, at this stage Ron seemed to lose all interest in my flight test.
He pulled out some rosary beads, closed his eyes and became lost in
prayer (I didn't think anyone was a Catholic these days). I selected
some nice music on the HF radio to help him relax.

Meanwhile I climbed to my normal cruising altitude of 10,500 feet (I
don't normally put in a flight plan or get the weather because as you
know getting Fax access out here is a f#*% joke and the bloody weather is always 8/8 blue anyway. But since I had that near miss with a Saab 340, I might have to change me thinking). Anyhow, on levelling out I noticed some wild camels heading into my improved pasture. I hate camels and always carry a loaded .303 clipped inside the door of the Cessna just in case I see any of the bastards.

We were too high to hit them, but as a matter of principle, I decided to have a go through the open window. Mate, when I pulled the bloody rifle out, the effect on Ron was friggin' electric. As I fired the first shot his neck lengthened by about six inches and his eyes bulged like a rabbit with myxo. He really looked as if he had been jabbed with an electric cattle prod on full power. In fact, Ron's reaction was so distracting that I lost concentration for a second and the next shot went straight through the port tyre. Ron was a bit upset about the shooting (probably one of those pinko animal lovers I guess) so I decided not to tell him about our little problem with the tyre. Shortly afterwards I located the main herd and decided to do my fighter pilot trick.

Ron had gone back to praying when, in one smooth sequence, I pulled on full flap, cut the power and started a sideslip from 10,500 feet down to 500 feet at 130 knots indicated (the last time I looked anyway) and the little needle rushing up to the red area on me ASI. What a buzz, mate!
About half way through the descent I looked back in the cabin to see the calves gracefully suspended in mid air and mooing like crazy. I was going to comment on this unusual sight but Ron looked a bit green and had rolled himself into the foetal position and was screamin' his f*&%# head off. Mate, talk about being in a bloody zoo. You should've been there, it was so bloody funny!

At about 500 feet I levelled out, but for some reason we continued
sinking. When we reached 50 feet I applied full power but nothin'
happened; no noise no nothin'. Then, luckily, I heard me instructor's
voice in me head saying "carby heat, carby heat", so I pulled carby heat on and that helped quite a lot, with the engine finally regaining full power. Whew, that was really close, let me tell you!

Then mate, you'll never guess what happened next! As luck would have it, at that height we flew into a massive dust cloud caused by the cattle and suddenly went I.F. bloody R, mate. BJ, you would've been bloody proud of me as I didn't panic once, not once, but I did make a mental note to consider an instrument rating as soon as me gyro is repaired (something I've been meaning to do for a while now).

Suddenly Ron's elongated neck and bulging eyes reappeared. His mouth
opened wide, very wide, but no sound emerged. "Take it easy," I told
him. "we'll be out of this in a minute." Sure enough, about a minute
later we emerge; still straight and level and still at 50 feet.
Admittedly I was surprised to notice that we were upside down, and I
kept thinking to myself, "I hope Ron didn't notice that I had forgotten to set the QNH when we were taxying". This minor tribulation forced me to fly to a nearby valley in which I had to do a half roll to get upright again.

By now the main herd had divided into two groups leaving a narrow strip between them. "Ah!," I thought, "there's an omen. We'll land right
there." Knowing that the tyre problem demanded a slow approach, I flew a couple of steep turns with full flap. Soon the stall warning horn was blaring so loud in me ear that I cut its circuit breaker to shut it up, but by then I knew we were slow enough anyway. I turned steeply onto a 75 foot final and put her down with a real thud. Strangely enough, I had always thought you could only ground loop in a tail dragger but, as usual, I was proved wrong again!

Halfway through our third loop Ron at last recovered his sense of
humour. Talk about laugh. I've never seen the likes of it; he couldn't stop. We finally rolled to a halt and I released the calves, who bolted out of the aircraft like there was no tomorrow.
I then began picking clumps of dry grass. Between gut wrenching fits of laughter Ron asked what I was doing. I explained that we had to stuff the port tyre with grass so we could fly back to the homestead. It was then that Ron really lost the plot and started running away from the aircraft. Can you believe it?
The last time I saw him he was off into the distance, arms flailing in the air and still shrieking with laughter. I later heard that he had
been confined to a psychiatric institution - poor bugger!

Anyhow, mate, that's enough about Ron. The problem is I just got a
letter from CASA withdrawing, as they put it, my privileges to fly;
until I have undergone a complete pilot training course again and
undertaken another flight proficiency test.
Now I admit that I made a mistake in taxiing over the wheel chock and
not setting the QNH using strip elevation, but I can't see what else I did that was so bloody bad that they have to withdraw me flamin'
licence. Can you?
~~~~~<>~~~~~
Taken from:
An Army Aviator's Scrapbook - The Aerie;

[csv8]

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.

He walked in. She turned and said,'You've got to make

love to me this very moment.'

His eyes lit up and he thought, 'This is my lucky

day.'

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her

and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen

table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the

stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asked, 'What was that

all about?'

She explained... 'The egg timer's broken.'

[jaydee]

Nyuk nyuk nyah

[AC]

A horse walks into a bar and the barman says, Why the long face...?

[XR6-VCT-2000]

No offence to sailors / it is a joke !

Two sailors aboard the Titanic, one turns to the other and says "I smell seamen", the other replies "Yeah, I farted" !~. :evil3:

[[Tonko]]

IBTL, in 5, 4, 3.....

[GSH]

nung nung nung nungaaaaarrrrrr

[aye you]

Originally Posted by [Tonko]

IBTL, in 5, 4, 3.....

2.....

[CAT600]

vinegar...

[GSH]

I think this joke was told on here a while ago but will tell it anyway.

A 70yr old man goes to his local doctor.


D-Doctor
M-Man

D- How are you today?

M- Never been better, i have a lovely 22yr old wife who is smoking hot and she is pregnant!!!!!!!! What do you think ABOUT THAT DOC!?

D- What if i told you that i went down to the lake at the back of my house with my walking stick....i love to eat duck....i lifted up my walking stick, pointed it at the duck and all of a sudden BANG BANG.....a couple of shots go off and the duck falls over dead?!?!

M- I would say someone else would of poped a couple of shots into it!

D- My point exactly..

[guitarman]

deja vu

Originally Posted by guitarman

Burnedout, you actually outdid yourself with those last two!: classics!

now make that eight!

[guitarman]

Originally Posted by AC

A horse walks into a bar and the barman says, Why the long face...?

hehe, sorry, mate!
: I haven't heard that one since page 1, post 20 :



(Don't let BFGT40 see this joke)

[guitarman]

Q. What do you do if you see a Holden Driver in front of you?
A. Lap him again!

[ebxr8240]

I hate hard boiled eggs...Lol...

[Purple Flash]

thats to cruel, haha hehe.