What jokes do you know?

[Jason[98.EL]]

> A man was riding his Harley beside a Sydney beach when suddenly the sky
> clouded above his head and in a booming voice,
> The Lord said.
> 'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
> one wish.'
> The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to New Zealand so I can
> ride over anytime I want.'
> The Lord said; 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
> challenges for that kind of undertaking, the supports required reaching the
> bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will
> nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for
> me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and
> think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
>
> The biker thought hard about it for a long time. Finally, he said,
> 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know
> how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent
> treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and
> how I can make a woman truly happy'.
>
> The Lord replied;
> 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

[FGII-XR6]

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3
year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for
sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit,
cereal and soft drinks in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,
"Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay,
William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in
there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart,
and Gramps says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax
buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool,
William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his
groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were
amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept
your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just
calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you
as his granddad."

"Thanks, lady," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . . ... the little
b******'s name is Lachlan."

[FGII-XR6]

Q: What's the difference between Nathan Rees cabinet and a gaol?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.

[FGII-XR6]

Let me see if I understand all this...

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS
HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED
INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE
JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD
FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED
A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO
POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

IF YOU CROSS THE AUSTRALIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET A JOB, A DRIVERS
LICENSE, COUNSELLING, WELFARE, CREDIT CARDS,SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
FREE EDUCATION, FREE LEGAL ASSISTANCE TO FIGHT THE GOVERNMENT,
FREE HEALTH CARE, AND IN MANY INSTANCES YOU CAN VOTE.

[FGII-XR6]

I just applied for planning permission for a new-build house. It was going
to be 100ft tall and 400ft wide with nine turrets at various heights and
windows all over the place. It would have parking for 200 cars and I was
going to paint it snot green. The council refused me Planning Permission.

So I sent in the application again, ...............
but this time I called it a Mosque...............
Building work starts on Monday.

[xr8 utey]

Fifi in Heat
"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" a little girl asked.

"No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat," replied the mother.

"What does that mean?" asked the child.

Embarrassed and not wanting to get into a biological discussion with her young daughter, the Mother said: "Oh, just go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says: "Dad, may I take Fifi for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Fifi was in heat, and that I had to come talk to you."

Not wanting to have the biological discussion either, the father said: "Bring Fifi over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it.

"Okay, now you can go for a walk, but keep Fifi on the leash and you can only go around the block once."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

"Where is Fifi?" her father asked.

"She should be here in a minute," replied the daughter. "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

[FGII-XR6]

THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP
is intended to be implanted in terrorists.
The implant is specifically designed to be installed in the forehead.
When properly installed, it will allow the one implanted, to speak to God.

The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly
skilled technician.
The implant may or may not be painless.
Side effects, like headaches and nausea, are temporary.
Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site.
Please enjoy the security we provide for you.
It comes in various sizes:

[FGII-XR6]

BANKSTOWN HIGH SCHOOL
MATHEMATICS EXAM

NAME...............
GANG............................................

Time allowed 1 hour:


1. If Mohamed lowers his WRX 2 inches front and back and puts on stolen
18-inch Zepter wheels, how many inches has he originally lost from the
stock suspension?


2. If Con needs 3 razors a day to stay clean shaved, how many razors will
he need before he goes to the gym at 8.00pm?


3. If Mustapha runs 10 km from the Police in Lakemba to Punchbowl, then
steals a car and drives another 5 km to Bankstown , how many kilometres
has he travelled if he ends up hiding in Wiley Park ?


4. Omar has 2 ounces of cocaine. He sells an '8 ball' to Hamil for $320.00
and 2 grams to Akhmed for $85.00 per gram. What is the street value of the
balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it.?


5. If Ahmed receives $200.00 per week disability allowance from Centrelink,
also works for his brother as a builder and receives a further $400.00 per
week, and then pays $10.00 per week for each of his 11 children for
school,
how much money does he have left to buy a smashed Tarago from the auctions?


6. If the average spray can covers 22 square metres and the average letter
is 8 square centimetres, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans
of paint?


7. If Soula needs 25 mls of wax per day to get rid of her facial hair, and
Soula is only 19 years old, how many mls will her mother need if she is 47?


8. Mohamed has an AK-47 with 2 x 30 round clips. If he misses 6 out of 10
shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by
shootings can he attend before he has to reload?


9. If Jim changes the oil in his Fish & Chips shop deep fryer every 18
months and this costs him $400.00, how often should he change the oil if
he wants to spend only $180.00 per annum on new oil?


10.. If Abdo runs a Donor Kebab shop and works as a Taxi driver on weekends
and earns $1,200.00 per week, how much does Centrelink give him for his job
search allowance?


11. If Bankstown's ethnic community is increasing at a rate of 3.5% per
month, the overall population increasing at 2.1% per month, at what rate
are the Skippies leaving?

[Mickxr8]

Subject: Because I'm a Man

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling NRMA is not an option... I WILL win.
______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say To the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now With all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know Where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and Break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone To bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed And moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do. So, For you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic Groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be Expected to find things like exotic cheeses or tofu. For all I know, they are the same thing.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops Working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that This will just cost me twice as much once the repair person Gets here and has to put it back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote Control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been Misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.... Though One time I was able to survive by holding a calculator..... (Applies to engineers mainly).
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm Thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, Sex, sports, or sex. I have to make up something else when You ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or Have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she Calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the Movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. And, if you're feeling amorous afterwards, then I will certainly Remember the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, Too... Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it. Everything looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I Will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, The cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, And I'll do the rest.... Like wandering around in the garden With a beer in my hand, wondering what to do.


(This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.)

[Mickxr8]

This has got to be one of the cleverest
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there
must be "deadly" at Scrabble..
(Wait till you see the last one)!



PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER



ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER



DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT



THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE



GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE



THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME



ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY



ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT



SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S



A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE



THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE



ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE




AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

[Mickxr8]

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(Written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then..
- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is...
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck hit her.
- Ricky, age 10

[V3RSAC3]

A married couple were
in a terrible accident where the man's face
was severely burned. The doctor told
the husband that they couldn't graft any
skin from his body, because he was too
skinny. So the wife offered to donate some
of her own skin. However, the only skin on her
body that the doctor felt was suitable
would have to come from her buttocks. The
husband and wife agreed that they would
tell no one about where the skin came from, and
they requested that the doctor also honor
their secret. After all, this was a very
delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was
astounded at the man's new face. He looked
more handsome than he ever had before! All
his friends and relatives just went on and
on about his
youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was
overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He
said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything you did for me. How can I
possibly repay you?'


My darling,' she replied, 'I get all the
thanks I need every time I see your
mother kiss you on the cheek.'

[Highway]

After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remove the wheels of cars in under 4 seconds with no specialist equipment, the SBR team decided to fire their pit crew and hire four of the youths as most races can be won or lost in the pit lane.
The first race came along and the car came into the pits. The youths went to work but the SBR team boss's Jim and Ross noticed a real problem. Not only had the youths replaced all four wheels within four seconds, but within 10 seconds, they d re-sprayed and re-numbered the car and sold it to the Toll Holden Team!

[go_ford]

Originally Posted by HighwayXB

After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remove the wheels of cars in under 4 seconds with no specialist equipment, the SBR team decided to fire their pit crew and hire four of the youths as most races can be won or lost in the pit lane.
The first race came along and the car came into the pits. The youths went to work but the SBR team boss's Jim and Ross noticed a real problem. Not only had the youths replaced all four wheels within four seconds, but within 10 seconds, they d re-sprayed and re-numbered the car and sold it to the Toll Holden Team!

hahahahahahahahaha

[Trek]

@ mick: pure gold mate :P

[FGII-XR6]

Drinking with a hot blonde.

An Indian, an Arab, and a hot gorgeous blonde girl are in the same bar.

When the Indian finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, Pulls
out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says,
'In India , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same
one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the
air, Pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we
don't need to Drink with the same one twice either.'

The blonde girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, Downs it in one
gulp, Throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the
Indian and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and
calling for a refill, she says, 'In Australia we have so many illegal
immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

[FGII-XR6]

Fact of life:

After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F!

[FGII-XR6]

AMERICA has Barak Obama, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder.

NSW has Nathan Rees, no Cash, no Hope, and no Bloody Wonder!

[FGII-XR6]

The Elevator

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were
amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver
walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never
seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady
in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The
walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The
walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above
the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached
the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped
out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his
son 'Go get your mother.'

[birdman941]

Originally Posted by au3xr6

AMERICA has Barak Obama, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder.

NSW has Nathan Rees, no Cash, no Hope, and no Bloody Wonder!

Thank GOD for Johnny Cash ( deceased), Bob Hope (also deceased) and Stevie Wonder!
The other one, you can have. FREE!

[FGII-XR6]

Dear Grim Reaper,

So far this year you have taken away my favourite dancer Michael Jackson,
my favourite actor Patrick Swayze, my favourite singer
Stephen Gately and my favourite actress Farah Fawcett.

Just so you know, my favourite politician is Kevin Rudd.

Regards

Malcolm Turnbull

[ROLLI]

Read this in people mag!

John is at his local pub after work been drinking all day/night he is pretty smashed. The bartender says John I think you have had enough to drink you better go home mate. "yeah no worries mate il head off after this pot john says". he puts his beer down gets off the stool falls flat on his face " I must be ****ed john says". So he trys to get up again same thing flat on his face. " this il just crawl outside get some fresh air and i will be right John says" He gets outside sits there for a bit tries to stand up again bang flat on his face." Screw this il just crawl home i only live around the corner" John says. Manages to get home crawls into bed and goes to sleep.

In the morning his wife comes in.......JOHN HAVE YOU BEEN AT THE PUB DRINKING AGAIN!!!

" No why? john says

Wife says " DONT LIE TO ME JOHN THE PUB JUST RANG UP AND SAID YOU LEFT YOUR WHEEL CHAIR THERE AGAIN!

[pauljh74]

Just got this text:-

Mate, you're not going to believe this, I've just won a competition on Radio 1 for a holiday to Greece!
Got $4000 spending money and I can take 5 mates.
I know it's short notice but if you're free from 1st to 15th December, can you put my bin out? :jab:
*******************************

The difference between being married and being single?

When you're single, it takes you two hours to get ready to go out.

When you're married, it takes you two hours to get ready to leave the pub.

[V3RSAC3]

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.


The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?'


Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the panther, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'


Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther.. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.


The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!


Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
'Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!

[Breezed]

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Edna would say, "I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, "Edna, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Fred, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Fred replied, "Well, I was going to say something when Edna fell out of the plane, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

[Highway]

COOL PERSONS TEST

[RSgerry]

BMW has announced that the new 5 Series will have a ‘Self Park’ option.

How about: Self not indicating
Self pulling out into traffic when there is no gap
Self tailgating and flashing headlights

This would then allow the BMW driver to use their iphone almost uninterrupted and more time to pose like the pr@ts they are.

[Highway]

A truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man standing in the middle of the road, crying. He brings the truck to a standstill,rolls down the window, and asks the little yellow man what's wrong.


"I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry," sobs the little man.


"Well," says the trucker, "I can offer you a cheese sandwich, but that's as much as I can do." So he passes a sandwich to the little yellow man and drives off.


A bit later he has to stop again, because there's a little red man in the middle of the road, crying. So he comes to a halt, rolls down the window and a bit more impatiently - asks the little red man what the matter is.


"I'm red, I'm from Mars, I'm gay and I'm thirsty," the little man bawls.


So the trucker says, "I can offer you a can of Coke, but that's as much as can do." He hands a can of Coke down to the little red man and drives off.


A little further on, the trucker spots a little blue man in the middle of the road. Really annoyed now, he stops, rolls down the window and snaps, "Yes, you little blue poof, what planet are you from and what the f#?K do you want?"


And the little blue man answers, "Your driver's licence, please...".

[Highway]

A woman sitting in an Brisbane Pub suddenly began to cough.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress,
and two locals, Bluey and Bazza sitting at the next table turned to look at her.

Ken ya swaller? asked Bluey

The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head.

Kin ya breathe?' asked Bazza. The woman shook her head No!!!

With that, Bluey walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,
yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her butt.

This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.

Bluey swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.

Bazza said in admiration 'Ya know Bluey, I'd heard of that bloody
Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it.'

[pauljh74]

BREAKING NEWS:
tiger woods dropped by gillette after admitting in an interview that his crash was the closest shave he had ever had
***************************

Tiger Woods. Brilliant putter, not such a great driver.
***************************

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when the wife is pregnant.
Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when they're both pregnant.
***************************

Whats the best thing about being a crack head?
Only 2 sleeps till Christmas!
***************************

A blonde was stuck on the fifth floor of a burning building. Leaning over the balcony she could see a group of firemen holding a large white sheet.
"Jump into here!" they shouted.
"No!" she replied.
The firemen looked at each other bemused. "Why not?" they enquired.
"I don't trust you! You might move the sheet. Now lay it on the ground and step back, then I'll jump!"