What jokes do you know?

[Mickxr8]

The ATO decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the ATO office.

The ATO auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his Lawyer
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment,
Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.

I'm not sure the ATO finds that believable

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa.
'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye..'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's Lawyer as a witness.
He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk,
and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt,
so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily,
he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side,
so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney.
'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here
and all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

.................................................. .................................................. ....

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep [it] from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walks past and says, snickering,
"If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "
If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."

.................................................. .................................................. ....

A primary school teacher was delivering a station wagon
full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian
dog. The children fell to debating the dog’s duties. “They
use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster. “No,”
said another, “he’s just for good luck.” A third child
brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she
said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”

.................................................. .................................................. ....

A lady walks into Tiffany's.. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she inadvertently breaks wind..
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'
He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to yourself when I tell you the price.'

.................................................. .................................................. ....


BANK ACCOUNT!!!


This is AWESOME ... something we should all remember.

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready..

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just

been presented with a new puppy. Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.' 'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied. Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged .... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!

Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank.

I am still depositing.

'Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries..

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

[FGII-XR6]

One Sabbath, an Alabama preacher told his flock: "Someone in this
congregation has spread a scurrilous rumour that I am a member of the Ku
Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community
cannot tolerate.

"I am embarrassed, and I do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the
party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from our Lord and this
Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued: "Do you have the nerve to face me and
admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven, and in your
heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet. Then slowly a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a
traffic-stopping body rose from the third pew.

Her head was bowed and her voice quavered as she spoke: "Reverend, there
has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of
the Ku Klux Klan.

"I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the
sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation
roared. Hallelujah.

[FGII-XR6]

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from
the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the
other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more
inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies, "Get out! You're on my side."

[302 XC]

dont know if it been done before (67 pages wow)


sometimes i wake up GRUMPY
other times i let her sleep in

[AndrewR_AUII]

Originally Posted by nerida67

dont know if it been done before (67 pages wow)


sometimes i wake up GRUMPY
other times i let her sleep in

Also, I wake up dopey sometimes too...

[V3RSAC3]

I was having trouble with my computer.
So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him,
'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No', I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like Eric, the little bstrd

[Charliewool]

Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when Grandpa Andy walked by.

One yelled out "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."

Old Andy said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."

"Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under pants and we can tell your exact age."

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, Grandpa Andy dropped his drawers.

They asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the Grandpa Andy asked, "How in the world did you guess?"

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison - we were at your birthday party yesterday!"

[Mickxr8]

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day,
> he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
> The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
> It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
> He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great
> condition for 10 years.
> 'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the Bike
> is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects
> it from the rain.'
> And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
> That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her
> parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
> But just before they enter the house,
> Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family
> before we go in.'
> 'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who Says
> anything during dinner has to do the dishes..'
> 'No problem,' he says. And in they go.
> Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a Huge
> stack of dirty dishes.
> In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs,
> in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
> They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
> As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
> So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
> No one says a word.
> So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
> Still, nobody says a word.
> So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the
> table, and scr#ws her right there, in front of her parents.
> His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and
> her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
> He looks at her mom..
> 'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over
> the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there
> on the dinner table.
> Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, Total
> silence.
> All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
> Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his
> pocket...
> Suddenly the father shouted....'I'll do the *** dishes!!!
> .

[Mickxr8]

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”


Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”


She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.


The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.



'Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'

[Charliewool]

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b itches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

[buts46]

Originally Posted by mickxr8

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day,
> he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
> The bike seems even better than a new one, ...
> .

So when did this get changed from a Malvern Star? used:

[vztrt]

[FGII-XR6]

Christmas carols of today
Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered
safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also
consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a
venture,
particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note,
permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To
avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request
that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a
noise nuisance.

Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load
that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the
guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many
rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note
that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and
Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any
airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being
labeled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr.
Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an
infringement of his equine rights.


We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be
redeemed at a later date through such organizations as 'cash for gold'
etc,
gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential
risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift
alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the
recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars
in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC route
finder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and
advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from
the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient
will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings
are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is
inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of
any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer
from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary
action will be taken against those found guilty of this offense. A full
investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on
full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place

[FGII-XR6]

Christmas cancelled

[MYVYSS]

How does Stephen Conroy like his coffee...



Filtered of course....

[MEANXBCOUPE]

Well it is Christmas time...

Whats the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods??


Santa stops at 3 ho's...

Merry Christmas!

[pauljh74]

Formula One world champion Jensen Button, is the fastest Button in sport....

Apart from the one on Tiger Woods trousers.
***********************************

The PGA has voted Tiger Woods Player of the Year.
Sources are still unsure whether they were actually referring to golf though.
***********************************

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers yet.
"Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me."

"Good, Johnny. Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said.
"Three," replied little Johnny.

"Very good. What comes after five, Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"Six," answered little Johnny.

"Excellent. Your dad did a very good job.
Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked.

"A Jack!" replied little Johnny.
***********************************

[Mickxr8]

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

[Mickxr8]

Two Woodpeckers...

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:

Apparently,Tiger Woods was right, when he said, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.




Hey, I'm just the messenger!!!

[SLO-04L]

i just went to JB HiFi looking for the game Grand Theft Auto, the sales assistant wanted me to describe it to her. i said its about a black guy driving around with an iron bar crashing cars rooting whores and evading police. The dumb btch gave be tiger woods PGA tour 2010

[Mickxr8]

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun. "What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said, "Well I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."

[Mickxr8]

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped "Didn't you get my e-mail ?"

[caputo23]

What’s 25m long and has nine teeth?

The front row of the Holden Cheersquad at Bathurst.

[FGII-XR6]

Educational TV

A man watching a hockey match on TV kept switching channels to a raunchy
movie featuring a lusty couple. "I don't know whether to watch them or the
game," he said to his wife.

"For heaven's sake, watch them," his wife said. "You already know how to
play Hockey!"

[FGII-XR6]

Thought from the Greatest Living Scots Thinker Billy Connolly.

'If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a
headache and sex at the same time?'

[silvergsvan]

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4.The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as space crafts reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now!

[pauljh74]

A young policeman, on his first day on the beat, turns around a corner and spots a big black guy dancing, jumping up and down on the roof of a car.

The copper gets straight on his radio, "Come in control, back up, I need back up!" he shouts.

The control operator's voice comes over the radio, "What's the situation?"

"A big n****r is jumping up and down, dancing all over a car roof," replies our boy in blue.

"You can't say things like that over the radio," says the control operator. "Use politically correct police language."

"Okay," replies the young cop. "Control, come in I need back up!"

"What's the situation?" replies the smug operator.

"ZULU TANGO SIERRA!"
****************************

Two guys talking in the pub. One says to the other, "I'm a Protestant and I have six kids, you're a Catholic and you only have one kid. It's normally the other way round with you Catholics - how come you don't have more?"
The second guy said, "I use the 'safe technique' when having sex!"
"How do you do that?" asks the first guy.

He answered, "I normally wait till you're on nightshift!"

[pauljh74]

Swine flu decontamination

http://forums.iseekgolf.com/images/u...5f85ea001b.jpg
*******
http://forums.iseekgolf.com/images/u...aa8dd2523f.jpg
*******
http://forums.iseekgolf.com/images/u...de175485c2.jpg
*******
http://forums.iseekgolf.com/images/u...a01967ffa5.jpg
*******
http://forums.iseekgolf.com/images/u...b85c947d71.jpg
*******
http://forums.iseekgolf.com/images/u...ec9a4d89bc.jpg
*******

[Mickxr8]

Kevin Rudd meets with the Queen of England.
He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient
government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people."

Rudd frowns "But how do I know the people around me are really

intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to
answer an intelligent riddle."

The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send
Gordon Brown in here, would you?"

Gordon Brown walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Gordon. Your mother and
father have a child. It is not your brother
and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Gordon Brown answers, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

Rudd goes back home to ask Wayne Swan, his Treasurer, the same
question.

"Wayne! Answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child.
It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says Swan. "Let me get back to you on that one."
He goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him
an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes
Tony Abbott's shoes in the next stall.

Swan asks Abbott, "Tony! Can you answer this for me? Your mother
and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"

Tont Abbott yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

Swan smiles, and says, "Thanks Tony!" Then, he goes back to speak with Rudd.

"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's
Tony Abbott."

Rudd gets up, stomps over to Swan, and angrily yells into his face

[GS608]

A cop is patrolling late at night in a well known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. There he sees a young man behind the wheel reading a computer magazine while a young woman in the rear seat is busy with her knitting.

Puzzled by this surprising situation the copper walks to the car and gently taps on the drivers window.

The young man lowers his window
"um yes officer?"
The policeman asks "what are you doing young man"
"well officer I'm reading a magazine"

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says "and her?"

"i believe shes knitting a pullover"
now the cop is totally confused, a young couple alone in a car at night in lovers lane, and nothing obscene is happening.

The cop asks "how old are you?"
"im 22 sir"
"and her?"
The young man looks at his watch, "she'll be 18 in 11 minutes."