Depression, Anxiety

[nearlythere]

Thought I'd also share something I've learnt.Life doesn't really get any better the older you get I've just found you get stronger as you get older to deal with things you once found absolutely the worst thing ever!I've also found that life is like a battery you cannot have a positive without a negative or a negative without a positive or it just won't work, It all balances out. If life was 100 positive then it would be rather pointless wouldn't it. You'd never learn. never change and never grow to become a better version of yourself. Anyway, Some might agree with what I've said and some might not and that's ok.

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by nearlythere

By the way opening up in front of other males is ALOT better than you think because we relate, So what I also suggest is to talk to other men in a similar situation as they will often give the best support. If GPs, therapists, shrinks and pills are helping you cope then that's great but alot of what your told and given band aid solutions to the underlying problems you are probably not even aware of. Alot reamin dormant and will arise again until you learn the best ways to cope that works for you as we are all different.Everything I've written is from my own experience and we all react differently to different types of assistance but that's mine and if it helps even one person then that's something. To anyone struggling just remember you matter! You're loved and that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.God bless

Originally Posted by nearlythere

I get what you're saying but if you look around you'll see things aint what they used to be..
Chris Rock once said " Only women children and dogs are loved unconditionally.As a man in 2024 you are to sit down shut up and only be useful when required. We cannot cry or speak up without being seen as weak if we keep it up.Society now revolves around women, the LGBTQ community, gender equality, trans ect.Statistics on suicide regarding men is through the roof. 9 people a day in Australia take their own lives and 75% of those are men.I am 45 with a wife and 5 children and I have attempted to take my own life 3 times in the last 5 years. My kids are what give me the most strength.The things I've done and tried to pull myself out is exhausting but I'm still here.I have been to 3 GPs, therapists, shrinks and I got locked away in the mental ward for a while when I tried again to take my own life.NONE of these helped atleast not in the long run. It's all BS and you need to work it out yourself. Yes my family has been there for me but there is only so much others can do for you, you MUST help yourself and understand the world has changed and that basically no one is your court as much you think or like. After 30 years this is what I've learnt. I now sit back, keep 95% to myself and simply march forward. By finally figuring out that it's pretty much on me I'm coping better.Unless you've been where I and many other males have been then you or anyone else simply have no idea.

I'm so sorry to have raised these issues, it's such a touchy subject and genuinely hope you are in a better place to talk about it now.

No one wants to talk about these topics, but when the grim event happens, there seems to be a stigma around an apparent "easy way out". I watched this happen in real time as news spread about a family's co-worker taking his own life and leaving two young children behind. Terms like "selfish" and "easy way out" really help no one in this situation, and all I could think of was how lost that young man would have felt, not at the apparent selfishness of his actions.

And agree with you about males being stigmatized. In no way do I condone certain negative male-dominated behaviors, but its to the point now where being male is almost a "guilty till proven innocent" deal. And you see this permeating the entire of society. Perhaps the "warriors" out there advocating for female rights should have a little think about the adverse effect it can have on the male population that ISNT a rapist, an aggressive pig or objectifier. Probably said too much.

I also agree that everyone needs to find their own coping mechanisms. In my case, the path I took started with a GP who I trusted and was comfortable approaching, which in turn led to seeing a therapist who I also trust. Has this solved all of my problems? Not at all, I will always need "mental health maintenance". Before though, I was otherwise just coping in silence. Now, I have avenues to let it out, sometimes it takes me a little deeper, sometimes it affirms the progress I have made.

As I said at the start, I hope I haven't dragged something up that has hit a nerve, I would never intend to do that. Be well.

[nearlythere]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

I'm so sorry to have raised these issues, it's such a touchy subject and genuinely hope you are in a better place to talk about it now. No one wants to talk about these topics, but when the grim event happens, there seems to be a stigma around an apparent "easy way out". I watched this happen in real time as news spread about a family's co-worker taking his own life and leaving two young children behind. Terms like "selfish" and "easy way out" really help no one in this situation, and all I could think of was how lost that young man would have felt, not at the apparent selfishness of his actions. And agree with you about males being stigmatized. In no way do I condone certain negative male-dominated behaviors, but its to the point now where being male is almost a "guilty till proven innocent" deal. And you see this permeating the entire of society. Perhaps the "warriors" out there advocating for female rights should have a little think about the adverse effect it can have on the male population that ISNT a rapist, an aggressive pig or objectifier. Probably said too much. I also agree that everyone needs to find their own coping mechanisms. In my case, the path I took started with a GP who I trusted and was comfortable approaching, which in turn led to seeing a therapist who I also trust. Has this solved all of my problems? Not at all, I will always need "mental health maintenance". Before though, I was otherwise just coping in silence. Now, I have avenues to let it out, sometimes it takes me a little deeper, sometimes it affirms the progress I have made. As I said at the start, I hope I haven't dragged something up that has hit a nerve, I would never intend to do that. Be well.

No you're absolutely fine mate by talking about it all you have not hit a nerve or anything with me at all. I have also witnessed many people ( all men ) taking their own lives over the last 15 years mostly. And yes 'selfish and easy way out' really sucks to hear because it couldn't be further from the truth. The mental torment sometimes is just to much and even your own children are not enough to save you. Now thats someone in a real bad way it's not someone being selfish, it's someone being to strong for to long.I'm glad you're doing ok, Sometimes we need to talk about these things no matter how grim and I really don't think anyone on this forum is going to deliberately make any of us feel any worse so speak up if you feel you'd like to I say. I also think talking to people with the same head issues and experiences is helpful as they can relate and can share coping mechanisms. My issues started at 16 in 1996 and at the time everyone including the docs thought i was just a nutty kid, I got zero help besides one pill that I am still taking because it's hell trying to get off them :( 95% I worked out myself. Anyway..Can I ask what triggers your anxiety or makes your depression worse? You can send a PM if you want

PS, I know somethings I've said may have contradicted what I said at the start of these comments but I have my reasons and when I'm talking to someone with some issues I want to help I suppose.

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by nearlythere

No you're absolutely fine mate by talking about it all you have not hit a nerve or anything with me at all. I have also witnessed many people ( all men ) taking their own lives over the last 15 years mostly. And yes 'selfish and easy way out' really sucks to hear because it couldn't be further from the truth. The mental torment sometimes is just to much and even your own children are not enough to save you. Now thats someone in a real bad way it's not someone being selfish, it's someone being to strong for to long.I'm glad you're doing ok, Sometimes we need to talk about these things no matter how grim and I really don't think anyone on this forum is going to deliberately make any of us feel any worse so speak up if you feel you'd like to I say. I also think talking to people with the same head issues and experiences is helpful as they can relate and can share coping mechanisms. My issues started at 16 in 1996 and at the time everyone including the docs thought i was just a nutty kid, I got zero help besides one pill that I am still taking because it's hell trying to get off them :( 95% I worked out myself.

Anyway..Can I ask what triggers your anxiety or makes your depression worse? You can send a PM if you want

PS, I know somethings I've said may have contradicted what I said at the start of these comments but I have my reasons and when I'm talking to someone with some issues I want to help I suppose.

The bulk of my anxiety stems from past grievances, which has me fretting over the possibility of those bad things happening again, so I drive myself insane trying my best to not repeat those events. That covers just about anything in my life.

The depression? It's usually a snowball effect from something I have absorbed, I'm far too sensitive for my own good. There are some specific points I know for sure contribute, but I'm not comfortable outlining those here.

[Interceptor]

what is really frustrating in my world right now is split between the people who are truly convinced that "talking" to a "professional" will somehow make all the problems go away, and the people who claim to care, when the reality is that simply knowing about where your head is at overwhelms them to the point where they blame you and then turn their back on you.

Right now, the world can consider it a good thing that I have a senior cat who has been abandoned before, and I dont want him to go through that again.

[FTE217]

kudos anyone posting personal challenges, we meaning us males have held far too much inside for decades let alone centuries.
We've moved on a little, least some let out their issues bit by bit, thats some healing right there imo.
Yes the stigma of the past to never show weakness or speak out has been a massive anvil.
You got to be able to speak to someone at least to let out, vent even.
Hard to correct whats broken but at least to try is worth it.

Interceptor, you know when you mention the people who claim to care is can be 2ways.
One yep they really DGAF and to me the other side the ones who show care maybe don't have an idea/understanding how to help.
My wife goes through nowadays some fuzzy minded mental health challenges.
I obviously care but have no idea how to help.
I say something and sometimes she takes it completely opposite and attacks me how/why did I say that.
I put my hands up, or honey sorry I really have NO idea what to advise or help.
Make an oppointment to talk to someone, though like me she then thinks shrinks ?
Talking to these so called pros sometimes I feel they open wounds that don't need to be openned anymore, far better leaving them in the vault.
Deal with the now what going on not the past - it may work for some and others not.
its a double edged sword this stuff got to say.
Damned if you do damned if you dont.

[FTE217]

Here's a scenario as a parent in todays world we are learning more as time moves on...and possibly some Dads here have gone through similar.
My wife's anxiety traits has passed onto our eldest son who is 32yrs (a luvely quiet fella and been one of those kids you never needed to worry of ) been with his now wife for over 8yrs.
A couple who will be great parents but for.....
She has many probs not being able to conceave so now its been the IVF pathway the last 5mths or so.
They are on their 1st mortgage not long ago, both work obviously and the costs involved here add more and more strain to couples who dream of having their own fam.
My boy is a worrier and after months of tests involved the good news is they are cleared moving to start IVF injections etcetc......
I have my fingers and toes crossed in the end success occurs later this year for if not I know my boy is going to go down a hole mentally as much as he'll try to look strong and for his better half.
Naturally me and Mum will be there for them both but I fear what I may have to deal with if its not a success.
Anyway something off my chest, shouldn't worry about what hasn't happenned yet as they say.
My wifes work colleague's daughter has been trying for years with no luck the poor thing probably why I have in my mind worries.

[Citroënbender]

Originally Posted by FTE217

…you know when you mention the people who claim to care is can be 2ways.
One yep they really DGAF and to me the other side the ones who show care maybe don't have an idea/understanding how to help.

A friend of mine is struggling post-separation and relocation to a Murray town. I reach out to her when I think of it, not on a calendar or clock basis. Sometimes she’s happy and chatty, other times anything from dead silent to caustically aggressive. It’s my “job” as a friend to weather all, best as I can - but it definitely makes you sometimes think at that moment, it’s all too hard; stop trying.

[Interceptor]

Last week, a friend and mentor ended his battle.
Saddest part for me is that it literally came out of the blue, everyone I know that knew him is stunned, nobody knows why, nobody knew he had any troubles, though clearly he did.

Literally, one day he was there, the next morning he wasnt.

The silence beforehand has everyone questioning themselves, there is a LOT of what if's.

Originally Posted by FTE217

You got to be able to speak to someone at least to let out, vent even.
other side the ones who show care maybe don't have an idea/understanding how to help.

Who do you turn to though, when the only people you trust or feel comfortable talking to, tell you "I cant deal with this, go away", or are the first to put you in cuffs and take you to the hospital for an evaluation that only serves to waste your time and nothing else?

Originally Posted by FTE217

Talking to these so called pros sometimes I feel they open wounds that don't need to be openned anymore, far better leaving them in the vault.

Unfortunately, talking to the "professionals" rarely, if ever actually fixes the problems at fault, and more often that not simply gets you medicated.

[Citroënbender]

I’m sorry that you lost a valued friend.

[FTE217]

Condolences Interceptor - real sad to read.

Agree mate who can you turn to even when those you know can’t understand.
It’s a terrible cycle.

Hope you’re doing ok.


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[RHR]

Well after 21 years of serving NSW it's now my time on the sideline. Never knew how debilitating anxiety could be. The most confronting thing was seeing the doc yesterday in a blubbering mess. Overwhelming feeling of embarrassment is what I'm struggling most with and the feeling of tapping out on my work mates.

On meds that make my head hurt and feel heavy. This is gonna be a bumpy ride.

[danzvtil]

Originally Posted by RHR

Well after 21 years of serving NSW it's now my time on the sideline. Never knew how debilitating anxiety could be. The most confronting thing was seeing the doc yesterday in a blubbering mess. Overwhelming feeling of embarrassment is what I'm struggling most with and the feeling of tapping out on my work mates.

On meds that make my head hurt and feel heavy. This is gonna be a bumpy ride.

Sorry to hear what you’re going through RHR, but I’m glad you’ve started the process with the doc. It’s ok to take the time to work on yourself, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

[Captain Stubing]

Originally Posted by RHR

Well after 21 years of serving NSW it's now my time on the sideline. Never knew how debilitating anxiety could be. The most confronting thing was seeing the doc yesterday in a blubbering mess. Overwhelming feeling of embarrassment is what I'm struggling most with and the feeling of tapping out on my work mates.

On meds that make my head hurt and feel heavy. This is gonna be a bumpy ride.

Please try to find the reasons that put you in this position. There may have been the last straw to break your back, but something built you up to that point of breaking.

[FTE217]

RHR all the very best to you.
RU OK today and I hope you have support behind you - nothing to be embarrassed of we’re all human.


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