What jokes do you know?

[pauljh74]

http://www.sniffpetrol.com/2010/03/2...wn-on-car-ads/

eBAY CRACKS DOWN ON CAR ADS
Sniff, Friday, March 26th, 2010 at 3:08 am

Popular internet auction site eBay has been forced to reinforce its guidelines for advertising cars following a recent string of complaints about inappropriate and incorrect listings.

As a reflection of this new crackdown, earlier this week a handful of eBay car sellers received sternly worded warnings from the auction site’s administrators. One such seller was Jackson Lisbo of Squirrelscock. “I was shocked when I got the warning about the ad for my MX5,” Mr Lisbo said. “They told me the text in my ad was too well written, that it contained no massive chunks of pointless block capitals, and that none of the writing was inexplicably in red. They told me to re-read the guidelines, take some new photos of the car making sure that this time they were out of focus, and then re-list the car. I was shocked”.

eBay sources say the company has been forced to launch this crackdown in response to a small band of sellers who still believe the best way to sell a car is to give some actual information about it. “We’re getting tired of these idiots who want to tell you things like mileage, service history, equipment levels and so on,” said one eBay insider. “Until these people learn that the correct way to sell a car on our site is to write ‘BRILENT CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FASTER THNA A FEISTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ in red Comic Sans and accompany it with one blurry picture of the front three quarter taken at night on a mobile phone, then we have no option but to get tough with them”.

[pauljh74]

http://www.sniffpetrol.com/2010/02/0...alonso-effect/

FERRARI ROAD CARS FEEL ALONSO EFFECT

With the new F1 season just weeks away, sources in Italy say Ferrari is set to capitalise on the arrival of Fernando Alonso at the team with a brand new driving mode for its next generation of road cars. Sniff Petrol’s spies say the new setting will have an immediate effect on all aspects of the car, most notably making it instantly faster whilst at the same time more treacherous. And grumpy.

Ferrari insiders say that putting the car into Alonso mode will have other effects, such as increasingly hairy sunvisors and a sat-nav voice that suddenly develops an irritating lisp. However, it’s in the complex electronics of the suspension, engine and gearbox that Alonso mode really shows its stuff. Normally, these three entities work as one to the benefit of dynamics. However, in Alonso mode each area of the car ceases to be a team player and selfishly looks after itself.

Maranello engineers are said to be particularly excited about the Alonso mode’s stability control system which is understood to wait until you are in trouble and then just bugger off to another car. The same system is also said to feature a unique ability to wait until it detects that you are breaking the speed limit and then automatically call the authorities to grass you up. Ferrari insiders say that in early testing Alonso mode is already worth another five tenths of a lap around their Fiorano test track, although at the end of the lap the car then came into the pits in a massive sulk for no apparent reason.

The Alonso setting is likely to first appear on the forthcoming 599 GTO, due later this year. It is thought that the new mode will be engaged by turning Ferrari’s distinctive manettino control to the marking which depicts a duplicitous twat stabbing everyone in the back.

[Fled74]

TOP 10 REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED

10. No one ever steals your chair.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

6. With a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

3. Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources.

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

... And (drum roll) the number one reason to Go To Work Naked:

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your *** in here by 8:00!"

[TheInterceptor]

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loves to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because she and her fellow residents are all one sandwich short of a picnic, they tolerate each other.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Mad Mike stepped out of his room with his arm outstretched.
"STOP!" he said in a firm voice. "Have you got a licence for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and
held it up to him.
"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird William
popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Have you got proof of
insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a beer coaster and held it up to him.
William nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Bonkers Brian
stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizeable (for his
age) erection in his hand.
"Oh, no!" said Ethel, "Not the breathalyser again

[TheInterceptor]

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph.
The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.
She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because
I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."
Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.
She says, "I want the house."
Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.
She says, "I want the kids too."
The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.
She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too."
The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as
she says, "Is there anything you want?"
The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."
She asks, "What's that?"
The husband replies...
"I've got the airbag!"
...just before they hit the wall at 90 mph.

[TheInterceptor]

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.

[deesun]

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
Joe was shocked and depressed.. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.'
He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like anew suit.'
The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said, 'Let's see.... size 44 long.'
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'
Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure..'
The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36.
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'
The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'





New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS

[pauljh74]

I got out of the shower and my wife said, "Ooo look, it's like a willy ... only smaller".

I said, "Ooo look, it's like my secretary ... only fatter and less flexible".
**********************************

Being the youngest in my family, I approached my father today and asked him to buy me a new guitar.

"Why do you need a new guitar? You've got three already" he said.

So I thought for a second and replied "Same reason you wanted another kid I suppose".

"I didn't want another child".

D'oh!
**********************************

Have you heard about the Claustrophobic gay?

He was never inside the closet in the first place.
**********************************

[TheInterceptor]

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light
bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to
condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb"
is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this
discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs
and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy
the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique
and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected
URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this
group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all
headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot
handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about
light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start
it all over again.

[wbb54]

PRICELESS !!!!

[290v]

A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.

The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.




She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,

I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.

At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way

the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks,

"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"

"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."

[TheInterceptor]

A loud pounding on the door awakens a man and his wife at 3 o'clock
in the morning. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken
stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three 'clock in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring out!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and
those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and should
be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the
pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

[TheInterceptor]

A penguin is having a problem with his car so he takes it to a mechanic to be looked at. The mechanic says he'll need it for a while to work out whats wrong, so the penguin leaves it and goes over the road for some ice cream.
Having no hands the penguin struggles with the ice cream and ends up with it all over his beak.
On returning to the garage the mechanic says "well its looks like you've blown a seal"
The penguin replies "oh no thats just ice cream"

[TheInterceptor]

HOW TO HANDLE A CUSTODY DISPUTE
A man and his woman are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.
The woman jumped up and said, "Your Honor. I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."
The judge turns to the man and says, "What do you have to say in the matter?"
The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose and said,
"Now...Your Honor, If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi come out, who owns the Pepsi ...me or the machine?...............

[TheInterceptor]

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

[FGII-XR6]

A letter to Jessie James

You Stupid Bastard! You cheated on Sandra Bullock? How in the world can you
be so stupid? You are married to one of the most beautiful women in the
world.

She has a body to die for and her current wealth shadowed only by Oprah.
Your wife recently beat out Julia Roberts in the polls and is now named
"America's Sweetheart."

You also remember, she just won an Oscar and praised you up and down in
front of the world while you were porkin away.

You are really a piece of work! You are the most hated as*hole cheater on
the planet!

How can you live with yourself?!

I only have one thing to say to the despicable, miserable, cheating piece
of s*** that you are:

Thanks for taking the heat off of me. Lets do lunch.

~Tiger

[TheInterceptor]

This guy is just :

thought it deserves a place in this thread

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dZr5...layer_embedded

[pauljh74]

Originally Posted by TheInterceptor

This guy is just :

thought it deserves a place in this thread

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dZr5...layer_embedded

There's another one with this footage spliced into the video of "Who let the dogs out?". I'll spare you the song by not posting a link

[290v]

During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank Of Ireland it was found Paddy O'Toole was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin

When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password : he replied "Are yez stupid? Sure I was told me password had to contain at least 8 characters and include one capital."

[uranium_death]

Originally Posted by TheInterceptor

HOW TO HANDLE A CUSTODY DISPUTE
A man and his woman are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.
The woman jumped up and said, "Your Honor. I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."
The judge turns to the man and says, "What do you have to say in the matter?"
The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose and said,
"Now...Your Honor, If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi come out, who owns the Pepsi ...me or the machine?...............

Apparently, that was actually used in court and the man got custody of the child...

Well, that's the urban legend anyway. If it was in the U.S, I could almost believe that it was on those grounds.

Anywhere else, then I am sure there are other factors involved.

What a judgemental little devil I am... :

[FRDGAL]

Originally Posted by 290v

During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank Of Ireland it was found Paddy O'Toole was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin

When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password : he replied "Are yez stupid? Sure I was told me password had to contain at least 8 characters and include one capital."

Hehe that's a good one lol.

[TheInterceptor]

Question: How do you tell the difference between a New Zealand Police
Officer, An Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?
Answer: Pose the following question:

"You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?"


NZ POLICE OFFICER'S Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it, am I using it in an OSH approved fashion?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 1-1-1 or would they just send me a taxi?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier place that would discourage such behavior.
If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, Do I get blamed when he falls over running away, knocks his head and kills himself?
Will the NZ tax payer foot the bill for his ACC claim if I injure him?
If I shoot him, and lose the court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and I will lose my family home?
Am I being culturally sensitive to the attacker if I shoot him, will I be offending his mana if I wound or kill him?
Will I have to defend myself in court as a racist if I shoot him?

------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------
AUSTRALIAN OFFICER'S Answer:

BANG!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------

AMERICAN OFFICER'S Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG!
Click....(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG!

...Click.

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"

[InfernoSR]

Joking aside…A policeman pulled a driver over for speeding and asked for the man’s licence and rego
papers. The man said ‘I don’t have a licence and the car is stolen, but I saw rego papers in the glove box
when I was putting my gun in there that I used to kill the woman that owned the car…and she is in the boot.’
The policeman called for backup and a detective said to the man, ‘our officer here said you told him there
was a gun and a body in the car, but we can’t find them.’ The man said, ‘I bet he said I was speeding too.’

[Fled74]

^^ Hahahaha, awesome!

[TheInterceptor]

The boss was in a quandry
He had to fire somebody
He narrowed it down to two people
Debra or Jack
It was an impossible decision
they were both super workers.
Rather than flipa coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night.
She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said

'Debra . i've never done this before , but I have to lay you or Jack off"

"Could you jack off " she says, "I feel like ****."

[TheInterceptor]

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar.The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual "

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) .... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[fotsyfots]

Husband says:
When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife says:
I clean the toilet ....

Husband says:
How does that help?

Wife says:
I use your Toothbrush ...

[TheInterceptor]

Female Compassion



A man was lying on a blanket at the beach.

He had no arms or legs.

Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug"

The man said "No", so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss".

The man said "No", so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman walked over to him, knelt down and whispered in his ear,

Have you ever been ***************d?

The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No"

The woman smiled and said...

"You will be when the tide comes in."

[sarrge2001]

Before Carl Williams died, he invented a new rowing fitness machine because he said "exercise bikes did his head in"

[flappist]

Queensland University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known
to science: Governmentium.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it
an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take
less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with
money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that
radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many
pillocks but twice as many morons.