Marriage - Bliss or Prison?

[98TLS]

Originally Posted by zilo

Mr and Mrs Trump....?

I know plenty of guys who have married filipino gals...gals who knew exactly what they were doing...especially after sealing the deal with a baby.

Yea yea but still doesnt explain why the bloke would marry its not 1930.fwiw i am 57 and have though come close never married the reason if i am honest is i grew up in a home with two people that should never have met let alone got married and had children,they were young times being as they were blah blah christ it was a nightmare all water under the bridge.I have no problem with the whole idea of marriage i just dont and never will understand why some blokes take it on so young.

[PG2]

Originally Posted by MercuryT

Thanks Oprah.

Gentlemen, leesa is giving you (and me for that matter) an insight into a women's thinking and feelings. Isn't this something that we all say that women never tell us? What women want.

I say take advantage of it and stop acting like children.

Zilo, could you explain further how sex with a good looking gal is implied in a marriage?

[Beastie]

Maybe, just maybe, a relationship / marriage doesn't need to revolve around just sex...

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by PG2

Gentlemen, leesa is giving you (and me for that matter) an insight into a women's thinking and feelings. Isn't this something that we all say that women never tell us? What women want.

I say take advantage of it and stop acting like children.

Zilo, could you explain further how sex with a good looking gal is implied in a marriage?

Have you not read the borderline offensive comments made PG2?

Men work harder? Should learn to communicate better? Etc. Who said we didn't in our relationships?

I don't disagree in principal and I'm all for both sides, but I don't see anyone else lecturing women on how to behave or improve to make a relationship work.

[PG2]

Originally Posted by MercuryT

Have you not read the borderline offensive comments made PG2?

Men work harder? Should listen? Etc? Who said we didn't?

I don't disagree in principal but I don't see anyone else lecturing women on how to behave or improve to make a relationship work.

PM about to be sent.

Originally Posted by MercuryT

I don't disagree in principal and I'm all for both sides, but I don't see anyone else lecturing women on how to behave or improve to make a relationship work.

Then go for it, there's nothing stopping you. Let's hear it. Noone is born knowing how the opposite sex works, as long as you don't stray into personal attack territory then I'm up for whatever you have to say.

[Ratmick]

Originally Posted by Franco Cozzo

Hypothetical discussion here -

Your 'partner' isn't happy in the relationship and 'wants' aren't being met, maybe they've just got bored or things have taken a turn for the worse physically/mentally and they're not into it anymore.

They approach you and they've mentioned

A) Wants aren't being met
B) This has been happening for a while
C) If things don't improve they'll leave for greener pastures

They suggest opening up the relationship to involve others to sort out those 'wants' (use your imagination)

Would this end the relationship and you'll be willing to put the assets up in court or would you be open to compromise (applies to you also) for a chance of keeping decades of blood sweat and tears out of the hands of lawyers?

I've met plenty of interesting people Australia wide from all walks of life from very well off professionals and successful business owners to the 'Average Joe/Josaphine' and a common theme that comes up is that they love the mother/father of their children and their relationship but they're getting the wants serviced elsewhere by other means as it just faded/fell off.

If you're staunchly against said suggestions and it would end the relationship - is through societal/religious construct that would prevent you from heading down this path?

Don't go into detail, just an outline of your thoughts.

Hey Damo, been there, and whereas I didn't 'do that' my Ex certainly did with two lesbian affairs (the last one was not the end of it for her, but it was the end of it with me).

In her case her 'needs' or 'wants' weren't being fulfilled as I had one penis too many (I only have one).

In my case my 'needs' or 'wants' were secondary and not in the equation.

She did suggest an 'open marriage' and staying together for the kids but you know me, I'm pretty old-school and that is not who I am.

...so we separated just short of twenty years, mostly amicably, and a few years later we were divorced. She took her pound of flesh, as she was entitled to, and I put my nose down/bum up and tried bringing up our three kids (she left them behind).

However we separated in August 2007 and in September 2007 I met my current partner and we're still together, despite the best efforts of my kids and my mother early on, and her youngest daughter the last few years.

Do I regret it? No.

Do I hate women? Of course not.

Do I hate divorce lawyers/the Family Court? No, but they're not my favourite people.

Hate is a strong emotion and it tires you out holding onto it.

Would I get married again? That is a tough one as Glen and I have both had our heads kicked by previous partners and we're a bit...mentally scarred

We have lived together since 2008 though, and became engaged on September 29^th 2017 (we met on Grand Final Day 2007). I wouldn't mind getting married again, at some point, but not until her daughter has left home. It won't be a big shindig though, it'd be small and informal.

[PG2]

Originally Posted by Ratmick

...

We have lived together since 2008 though, and became engaged on September 29^th 2017 (we met on Grand Final Day 2007). I wouldn't mind getting married again, at some point, but not until her daughter has left home. It won't be a big shindig though, it'd be small and informal.

There is a couple of us willing to help you with that...

[GasoLane]

Originally Posted by PG2

There is a couple of us willing to help you with that...

Heathcote next year would be ok.

[CoupeKing]

Your kids have a better chance at life if you're married. Family values should be our prime directive, but it ain't.

Broken families/single mums starving for a father figure..usually doesn't end well.

[Ratmick]

Originally Posted by PG2

There is a couple of us willing to help you with that...

Originally Posted by GasoLane

Heathcote next year would be ok.

Many thanks for your offer but this one needs to play itself out...

...no matter the amount of irritation she causes me in the meantime

She's still her mother's daughter, and the youngest of six.

Glen has come through successive bad relationships and the last one left her with almost nothing but her kids and a small amount of dignity. The apron strings are still tied pretty tightly to Chloe and I can't let go for her, it has to come in its own time.

It's ok, I can wait...

[Franco Cozzo]

Originally Posted by Ratmick

Many thanks for your offer but this one needs to play itself out...

...no matter the amount of irritation she causes me in the meantime

She's still her mother's daughter, and the youngest of six.

Glen has come through successive bad relationships and the last one left her with almost nothing but her kids and a small amount of dignity. The apron strings are still tied pretty tightly to Chloe and I can't let go for her, it has to come in its own time.

It's ok, I can wait...

Playing the long game like the CCP

[Ratmick]

Originally Posted by CoupeKing

Your kids have a better chance at life if you're married. Family values should be our prime directive, but it ain't.

Broken families/single mums starving for a father figure..usually doesn't end well.

I don't actually agree with this one, apologies

Kids have a better chance at life with at least one loving parent and two are a bonus. Financially it is certainly easier with two parents. Furthermore it doesn't matter what sex the parents are and the marriage status of the parent is irrelevant.

[superyob]

Marriage??? Awesome. The bedrock that built society and brought children security. It will survive the current attacks on it and will outlast its perverted inversion by a long mile...

[Work Horse]

Originally Posted by superyob

Marriage??? Awesome. The bedrock that built society and brought children security. It will survive the current attacks on it and will outlast its perverted inversion by a long mile...

Originally Posted by CoupeKing

Your kids have a better chance at life if you're married. Family values should be our prime directive, but it ain't.

Broken families/single mums starving for a father figure..usually doesn't end well.

The 1950's called they want their opinions back

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by leesa

Then go for it, there's nothing stopping you. Let's hear it. Noone is born knowing how the opposite sex works, as long as you don't stray into personal attack territory then I'm up for whatever you have to say.

Thank you for the offer but let's leave it at that.

You have your views and whilst I disagree on various points, you are entitled to them.

I can't post unbiased due to my experience, so maybe another time.

Thanks again. Merc.

Originally Posted by MercuryT

I can't post unbiased due to my experience, so maybe another time.

You don't need to be unbiased, everyone probably has a bias to some degree. But yep, understood.

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by leesa

You don't need to be unbiased, everyone probably has a bias to some degree. But yep, understood.

Lets say I've bitten my tongue as much as possible, as I could really unleash on this topic.

It would lead to unnecessary moderator time wasted, me likely banned, and nothing in real world will change anyway.

So yes feel free to PM me, no probs, but it's best I leave it to those with more impartial views than my experience to continue the discussion.

[zilo]

Originally Posted by CoupeKing

Your kids have a better chance at life if you're married. Family values should be our prime directive, but it ain't.

Broken families/single mums starving for a father figure..usually doesn't end well.

Absolutely in agreement....especially the lack of male role model.

The kids from broken families, and that's what they are...broken...usually perpetuate the cycle...generation to generation.

If your parents are duds chances are your marriage will be a dud, that is a statistical fact....its in your DNA.

Yet the parents (and the off spring who don't know any better) are very vocal about how it doesn't matter and that the kid is better off with the parents going their separate ways, what a load of rubbish..

Most marriage breakups arent due to violence..so that is a mute argument....its due to low performing adults who should never have been given a license to breed.

Oh wait...you don't need one...maybe we need to fix that?


Not that I give a rats what losers do anymore....as long as their delinquent kids don't steal my car, give my kids drugs, etc etc

[Captain Stubing]

Originally Posted by MercuryT

Lets say I've bitten my tongue as much as possible, as I could really unleash on this topic.

It would lead to unnecessary moderator time wasted, me likely banned, and nothing in real world will change anyway.

So yes feel free to PM me, no probs, but it's best I leave it to those with more impartial views than my experience to continue the discussion.

Your perspective on relationships changes as you experience more relationships. My first wife, I found I despised her gossipy and cheating qualities. My second relationship, I couldn't handle her aggressive behaviour when she decided to drink, which turned into starting at 10am some days. That's not living!

My next major relationship looked alright, but I think her partaking of too many puffs of MaryJane in the past made her paranoid, and I got scared to look above the bottom shelf in the local Coles in case I spotted a female in the same aisle.

Since I met my current wife, the number of cars and bikes has exploded stupidly. She will let me have anything I want, which makes me stop and think, "Do I really need it?" I've saved money by not saying no.

All she wants is for me to love her back. I'll cook dinner for the family, do favours for her friends, I'll rub her back, neck, shoulders. Just because she's a wonderful woman. If she asks about doing something, I'll find a way to do it for her. She makes me good, and I make her good.

And she's also repaired the relationships between myself and my kids from former relationships.

[zilo]

Originally Posted by Captain Stubing

Since I met my current wife, the number of cars and bikes has exploded stupidly. She will let me have anything I want, which makes me stop and think, "Do I really need it?" I've saved money by not saying no.

.

Ok...what's her 1/4 mile time and how much you want for her?

(bet she runs on 98 premium)

[Captain Stubing]

Originally Posted by zilo

Ok...what's her 1/4 mile time and how much you want for her?

(bet she runs on 98 premium)

Sorry, she's made from unobtainium!

She didn't want me to sell my Harley I'd had for 10 years, but I did, she doesn't like bikes.

I bought a Japanese bike instead, because she said I should.

I spent thousands building up pushbikes that I've ridden over 10k on, but she's fine with that.

Edit: My wife asked for me to put skylights in the kitchen, so I did. It took me a couple of months, but she's happy.
Sometimes she has a breakfast meal with a girlfriend.

[zilo]

Originally Posted by Ratmick

Financially it is certainly easier with two parents. Furthermore it doesn't matter what sex the parents are and the marriage status of the parent is irrelevant.

Nope.. strongly disagree..

I voted a very loud NO in the homosexual marriage postal vote.

(and proud of it)

[CoupeKing]

Originally Posted by Work Horse

The 1950's called they want their opinions back

I'm not interested in opinions.

1950'S?

Go back ten years and that's the reason why we can post in English

[Charliewool]

Lots of valid opinions here, and some still very raw emotion and hurt from some recently affected!
I think one important thing to consider is NOT so much the vengeance and ultimate family court experience, but how a marriage to someone you obviously once loved actually got to this stage?
Once the initial (and, sometimes long drawn out pain) subsides, I found it was valuable to take a really deep unbiased look inside myself to consider MY input into the “failure”!
As Lessa pointed out... a woman can get to the stage (without us men actually realising) where she has thrown the towel in and basically given up on the marriage!
This usually comes well after the “nagging”, the complaining, and the repeated requests for the man to alter his damaging behaviour has ceased!
To the man, he’s casually taken these “cries for help” as meaningless in the big picture!
“It’s that time of the month” or “she’s battling the dreaded menopause”!
Her response, once it’s got to this stage, can be to seek “comfort” from elsewhere, it can be an extra burdening of the household and child duties onto the man.....
Ultimately, it is irrevocably broken and well beyond over in her eyes!
When the divorce request comes, it hits the man like a bolt of lightning out of nowhere!
He, in his hard-working, “bringing home the bacon” frame of mind, simply cannot fathom where this has all come from?
However, in my case, it had been staring me in the face for years, and I was totally oblivious to it!
So, after 27 years, it rocked the bejesus outta me, and totally shattered me!
End result was financially quite a huge kick in the guts as well!
Over time, (a long time!) the resentment turned into almost a quiet reverence toward my ex for having the intestinal fortitude to end the unhappiness!
My now view is she bloody deserved every single cent she received for tolerating my sh it for all those years!
Funnily enough, even though I’ve been remarried for 10years, my ex and I probably get along better nowadays than the last 10 years of our then marriage!!
For those still going through the hell and pain... Take it from me.. It DOES get better!

[Cav]

Originally Posted by Captain Stubing

Your perspective on relationships changes as you experience more relationships. My first wife, I found I despised her gossipy and cheating qualities. My second relationship, I couldn't handle her aggressive behaviour when she decided to drink, which turned into starting at 10am some days. That's not living!

My next major relationship looked alright, but I think her partaking of too many puffs of MaryJane in the past made her paranoid, and I got scared to look above the bottom shelf in the local Coles in case I spotted a female in the same aisle.

Since I met my current wife, the number of cars and bikes has exploded stupidly. She will let me have anything I want, which makes me stop and think, "Do I really need it?" I've saved money by not saying no.

All she wants is for me to love her back. I'll cook dinner for the family, do favours for her friends, I'll rub her back, neck, shoulders. Just because she's a wonderful woman. If she asks about doing something, I'll find a way to do it for her. She makes me good, and I make her good.

And she's also repaired the relationships between myself and my kids from former relationships.

FMD!

Will you marry me?

[Franco Cozzo]

Originally Posted by Charliewool

Lots of valid opinions here, and some still very raw emotion and hurt from some recently affected!
I think one important thing to consider is NOT so much the vengeance and ultimate family court experience, but how a marriage to someone you obviously once loved actually got to this stage?
Once the initial (and, sometimes long drawn out pain) subsides, I found it was valuable to take a really deep unbiased look inside myself to consider MY input into the “failure”!
As Lessa pointed out... a woman can get to the stage (without us men actually realising) where she has thrown the towel in and basically given up on the marriage!
This usually comes well after the “nagging”, the complaining, and the repeated requests for the man to alter his damaging behaviour has ceased!
To the man, he’s casually taken these “cries for help” as meaningless in the big picture!
“It’s that time of the month” or “she’s battling the dreaded menopause”!
Her response, once it’s got to this stage, can be to seek “comfort” from elsewhere, it can be an extra burdening of the household and child duties onto the man.....
Ultimately, it is irrevocably broken and well beyond over in her eyes!
When the divorce request comes, it hits the man like a bolt of lightning out of nowhere!
He, in his hard-working, “bringing home the bacon” frame of mind, simply cannot fathom where this has all come from?
However, in my case, it had been staring me in the face for years, and I was totally oblivious to it!
So, after 27 years, it rocked the bejesus outta me, and totally shattered me!
End result was financially quite a huge kick in the guts as well!
Over time, (a long time!) the resentment turned into almost a quiet reverence toward my ex for having the intestinal fortitude to end the unhappiness!
My now view is she bloody deserved every single cent she received for tolerating my sh it for all those years!
Funnily enough, even though I’ve been remarried for 10years, my ex and I probably get along better nowadays than the last 10 years of our then marriage!!
For those still going through the hell and pain... Take it from me.. It DOES get better!

From your experience where do you think you went wrong and it came undone?

[Charliewool]

Originally Posted by Franco Cozzo

From your experience where do you think you went wrong and it came undone?

An obsession called... WORK!
I devoted way WAY too much time to starting up and running a business.
Thinking back, this “obsession” was probably at it’s peak during the early years of my kids growing up!
There’s no doubt my ex virtually raised our 2 almost as a single parent...
Any devotion to family time was almost nonexistent on my part.
I also lost my Dad in 1999, when my kids were little. This had a pretty profound effect on me, thinking back.
I retreated into myself for a long time, with communication between us probably at a minimum! No idea why I couldn’t open up to her?
I also took on a few overseas projects that sometimes resulted in me being away months at a time.
Great “earners”, and upgraded the family home, and bought us both new vehicles.
Unfortunately material things do NOT make the relationship!
I think I treated our marriage more like a business partnership, with me bringing in the bucks and expecting her to raise the kids, look after the household etc?
The breakdown WAS a great learning curve for me though?
I think I’m a better person for it... I’m a lot more tolerant, I am a hell of a lot more aware of my partners feelings... And I learnt that ALL else is secondary to immediate family (especially work!)

[Franco Cozzo]

Originally Posted by Charliewool

An obsession called... WORK!
I devoted way WAY too much time to starting up and running a business.
Thinking back, this “obsession” was probably at it’s peak during the early years of my kids growing up!
There’s no doubt my ex virtually raised our 2 almost as a single parent...
Any devotion to family time was almost nonexistent on my part.
I also lost my Dad in 1999, when my kids were little. This had a pretty profound effect on me, thinking back.
I retreated into myself for a long time, with communication between us probably at a minimum! No idea why I couldn’t open up to her?
I also took on a few overseas projects that sometimes resulted in me being away months at a time.
Great “earners”, and upgraded the family home, and bought us both new vehicles.
Unfortunately material things do NOT make the relationship!
I think I treated our marriage more like a business partnership, with me bringing in the bucks and expecting her to raise the kids, look after the household etc?
The breakdown WAS a great learning curve for me though?
I think I’m a better person for it... I’m a lot more tolerant, I am a hell of a lot more aware of my partners feelings... And I learnt that ALL else is secondary to immediate family (especially work!)

Yeah, my old business claimed my business partners long term relationship, he ended up spending more time with me than her.

Interesting conundrum, would you rather have nice things and no time to enjoy them or long for nice things but have spare time to spend with family/friends.

I feel work/life balance isn't something people place enough weight on - until it goes south and the work/life balance stick gets broken over your head.

[Polyal]

Originally Posted by zilo

Absolutely in agreement....especially the lack of male role model.

The kids from broken families, and that's what they are...broken...usually perpetuate the cycle...generation to generation.

If your parents are duds chances are your marriage will be a dud, that is a statistical fact....its in your DNA.

Yet the parents (and the off spring who don't know any better) are very vocal about how it doesn't matter and that the kid is better off with the parents going their separate ways, what a load of rubbish..

Most marriage breakups arent due to violence..so that is a mute argument....its due to low performing adults who should never have been given a license to breed.

Oh wait...you don't need one...maybe we need to fix that?


Not that I give a rats what losers do anymore....as long as their delinquent kids don't steal my car, give my kids drugs, etc etc

There is alot wrong and right about that post, hard to pick one point but....

What you are explaining for the most part is environmental influences, being a ****ty parent (but who's definition?) is not part of your DNA.

Is it hard to break that cycle, bloody oath, but not impossible and the individual needs some resolve and grit but many display it.

The divorce rate is a sad state of affairs, my parents split when I was 17 and I only picked up on a few things that were going on (I dont need to know the detail) but in the end while financially it didnt help the family it was the right thing to do.

In saying that, all avenues should be pursued to avoid it, its not nice, but you cant say single parents cant do "a good job" either. Spouses can die etc and you can have positive influences from friends, grandparents etc

Unfortunately there are a lot of factors in the modern world that have impacted the family unit, not for the better, but there are cases were things have improved greatly.

If anyone thinks there is a text book for this and it should all go to plan then I say you have lived a fortunate life, or one that has been very sheltered. Some times things just dont go to plan.