Story - not vehicle related.

[Vincenzo]

Moderators - I was not sure which area to put this in but I will leave it to you to decide.

This story may be 100% true, or, a complete work of fiction, or perhaps it may be true in some areas and an embellishment in others. That is for you the reader to decide.

Let me start by saying a very small part of this may seem like it is a racial slur but trust me that is the furtherest thing from my mind.So the story starts;

The scene is two guys sitting at a bar in the Top End having a quiet drink.

“So, what do you do for a crust?”

“Not working at the moment!” said the other.

“Unemployed?”

“Nah, seasonal worker. Only work three to four months a year! Buy me another whiskey, I’ll shout you lunch and tell you all about it”

Way back when, a 20 something left Canberra and home for the first time looking for adventure in the outback of Australia. He was heading for Darwin, the Northern Territory Capitol. He had visited there two years previously and liked the place. Anyway, it had been a fairly uneventful trip up through central NSW and across into Brisbane.He spent a few weeks with his younger sister and her family then headed off continuing on his adventure North through central Queensland toward Mount Isa.

The trip was fairly quiet until about 80 km outside of the Isa he came across a broken down Mercedes. He offered to take the old guy and his wife into the Isa but the old guy declined the offer for both and left his wife to look after the car. On the drive in the old guy introduced himself as Bob Katter (Senior). He said he was the local member in Federal Parliament. “G’day Bob, my name’s Dave”. So their journey together began, short as it may have been. Once they arrived in the Isa, Bob gave Dave a business card and told him if he wants some help finding work in Darwin to go and see his good mate Grant Tambling, the local Federal member in Darwin,

He said thanks to Bob, put the card on the dash, bid him farewell and continued on his journey. After refueling,10 km out of the Isa, swirling air inside the cabin lifted the business card off the dash and before Dave could grab it, out he window it went never to be seen again.

The next section through to Three Ways was quiet. As he crossed the border into the Northern Territory an air of great expectation started to rise in him.

Fueling at the Three Ways, and knowing he had about a 1000 km to go he turned right and headed north along the Stuart Highway toward his ultimate goal, Darwin.

North of a little way stop called Renner Springs he saw an old Aboriginal man walking along the side of the road. As there was nothing around for miles he stopped to ask the old guy if he would like a lift somewhere.

The old guy got in and said “if ya going north young fella i’ll ride a while with you!”. He introduced himself as Left Hand Jack.

Dave quickly responded “I s’poose you have a twin Brother called Right Hand Jack?”

Without missing a beat Left Hand said “yeah, why have you met ‘im?” So, for the next few hours they rode together, talking about everything and anything.

While they were driving along Left Hand told him what it takes to become a true Territorian. These are the three things you have to do.

1) Drink a Darwin stubby.

2) Wrestle a crocodile and

3) make love to an aboriginal woman.

After he said the last one he let out a big laugh and said “us black fellas are always doing that number 3!” A short time later Dave finally got the joke.

About 50 km south of Elliott Left Hand asked if Dave could let him out at the upcoming drivers rest stop. After stopping, he got out, thanked Dave and walked off into the scrub. As he started to drive off Dave realized that Left Hand had no water or anything else for that matter so he stopped and reversed back. He got out of the vehicle and yelled “do you want a bottle of water” toward the direction he saw Left Hand walking but he could not see him. He noticed on the ground the footprints from his boots and tyre tracks in the dirt but there were no footprints from the Left Hand Jack. He thought he heard the voice of the old man on the wind say “no thanks young bloke, us black fellas know where to find it”. When he got back in the ute he noticed two white feathers in the footwell. Thinking no more of it he continued on and at Elliott he pulled in to refuel.

While he was refueling a local cop came up to him and asked what direction he had come from. He told the cop he had come from south and had travelled with an old aboriginal guy. At this point they both said at the same time “and left him at a rest stop 50 km south”.

Dave was surprised and the cop explained - “ there is a legend that an old Aboriginal man travels the Stuart Highway looking after those whom he thinks may need his guidance. It is thought he is a spirit / Kurdaitcha.” Not knowing this at the time, he would meet Left Hand again in the Alice years later when working for the Ambulance Service after the murder of a 3 y/o girl by four young blokes.

(Kurdaitcha, Aboriginal term used for a hit man by the Arrente / Pitjinjara people. Sometimes also known as the Feather Foot. Their shoes are made from a mixture of feathers and blood. They are said to have great MARPAN [mystic power / knowledge]. Though thought to be extremely rare, the female equivalent is Illapurinja) Her role is to ensure that at a death the women cover their bodies with “sorry cuts”)

The rest of the trip into Darwin was boring. On arrival he set up camp in a caravan park, sleeping in the back of his ute and on the following Monday went out looking for a job.

For the next few weeks Dave got casual work sandblasting, galvanizing metal, labouring and as a storeman. He could not crack a full time job because the locals did not want to hire any southerner who had not been through a “wet.” Feeling sorry for himself and thinking he may have to head back to Canberra he went to a local cafe to have a sandwich and a cuppa to think over his options. It was lunch time and very busy. A lady in her late 40’s asked Dave if he would mind sharing his table. He said no and as she sat down introduced herself as Verity. So it was over lunch that fateful day their chance meeting would benefit both of them.

Verity worked in Human Resources and as she had spent all her life in Darwin, knew all those who need to be known, some that didn't and called them friends. When she asked Dave where he was living and heard it was in the tray of his ute she said “I have a deal for you. You may come and board with me, I have a spare room, for low rent in exchange for doing the heavy lifting around the house and walking the dog every morning and afternoon, but, only on the condition the dog likes you.”

So it was the next day Dave turned up at her address. As he approached the gate a Healer / Labrador cross snarled at him. Immediately he stared at the dog and yelled “sit down ya bast*rd”. The dog responded straight away, Dave walked in and that was that. He was to stay there for the next twelve months. Verity taught him how to iron, cook a roast, make gravy from scratch and how some older women could be cougars. One day she said she had some female friends coming over and suggested it may not be wise for him to be there as they will eat him for breakfast. Verity also got him a job working in an office. Though it was not what he wanted he did the job saving as much money as he could.

During his time staying with Verity, she suggested he may enjoy looking around town. “Go out to the edges of town and have a drink at one of the local bush pubs” she said. That day actions were set in motion that would change Dave’s life forever. He remembered seeing a bush pub on his way in to Darwin. It was about 35 km out of town.

So, that day he decided to have a counter meal at the Noonamah tavern. He ordered a meal and a whiskey (Dave was not a beer drinker) and sat down to eat. A couple of old locals saw him sitting there by himself and wondered over.

“Hey there young fella, ya looking like a pork chop at a jewish wedding, mind if we join ya?” The short fat one was Bill and the tall skinny one was Fred.

“Not at all, grab a pew.” said Dave.

“So ya new in town are ya” asked Fred

“Why would you ask that? said Dave, thinking he was blending in well.

Bill replied “well we don’t get many fellas in here with clean boots, ironed stubbies and shirts with ironed pleats.” At that the two ol’ farts started laughing and Dave ended up joining them, realizing he stood out like a sore thumb.

They had been talking for about an hour when the conversation got on to what it takes to become a Territorian. Cheekily Dave replied “I’ve been a Territorian all my life”

“Are you sure?” asked Bill.

Getting one up on the old guys Dave replied “Yeah I was born in the Australian Capitol Territory (ACT)” At that they all laughed.

Dave recalled his conversation with Left Hand Jack from months ago. “Seriously though if you really want to become a true Territorian, they sell the Darwin stubby here and Marilyn is out the back. We’ll wait and see how you go with the first two before we offer you part 3” suggested Fred.

Marilyn is an almost all white crocodile pulled out of the Finnis River a few years back. She is about 2m long now and just old enough to start laying eggs.

Dave was brave, nieve and fit so he though it couldn’t be too hard ..... could it? As for the stubby of beer, though he was a whiskey drinker he could handle 3/4 of a can of beer. So it came to pass he agreed. From then on things went downhill.

There was about nine or ten people in the pub at the time and a cheer went up when it was announced that we are inducting a new Territorian. When the stubby was presented to Dave he damn near fell out of his chair. His thoughts of a small stubby of about 300ml turned out to be a bloody big stubby holding 2.25 litres / 80 fl oz. Not wishing to pull out of the test he sat down and started his way through that monster of a bottle.

After one and a half hours Dave finally finished the Stubby. He was feeling light headed and very queasy. “Alright “ he said, “lets go find that bloody crocodile”.

Fred and Bill both pointed to an old saloon type door and said “You’ll find the young lady waiting for you out there in the pond.”

So, with their words ringing in his ears,Dave flung the doors open and out he went. 15 metres past the doors was a large pond 10 metres by about 5 metres. It had a 6’ fence surrounding it and a garden pathway type gate at the closest corner. At he far end of the ground surrounding the pool was a clump of about 6 - 8 Pandanus Palms with a big mound of dirt in the middle of them. Slowly and very carefully he opened the gate and walked in. The water was a murky green with pieces of grass , branches and a sort of slime on the top. The sun reflected off the water and it was near impossible to see more than an inch or two below the surface.

Looking over his shoulder Dave saw a few of the regulars looking at him from the saloon doors. They turned and went back inside and he thought he heard them say, yeah, the young fella’s in the pen.

“Marilyn, Marilyn, come out and show yourself” whispered Dave. He waited, nothing. This time in a louder voice “Marilyn, I’ve come to see you” but still nothing. After five minutes of this Dave returned to the bar thinking it was a practical joke. Seeing Bill and Fred now sitting on stools at the bar he told them nothing happened.

“Did you stamp your feet?” asked Fred

“What” asked Dave inquisitively.

“Did you stamp your feet?” asked Fred “You have to wake her up. She will feel the vibrations through the ground, like a snake”

Dave was quite sure this was a practical joke but he decided to play along with them. Slowly he turned and, staggering slightly went back out to the pond. He opened the gate and walked in closing it behind him. Standing upright but feeling himself swaying a bit he stomped his left foot on the ground, but nothing happened. Again he did this with the same result. Two more minutes of this and standing at the water’s edge he was sure this was a joke. In total frustration he jumped up and down like a spoilt child when .......

That warm sunny afternoon history was to be made. A great wave of water burst forth from the pond and Marilyn leapt at Dave, straight between his legs she grabbed him high on his thigh and pelvis and dragged him back to the water. The speed and ferocity of the attack shocked Dave and he now realized he was in the fight of and for his life.

Legend has it said, by those who were there that day, the fight lasted for 25 minutes. Strange noises were heard coming from that body of water, noises never before heard or since. After 25 minutes the sound emanating into the tavern went silent. Several minutes went past. Fred and Bill looked at each other. Without a word being said between them they were about to get up off their stools and go and see what was left of the young fella when a dark shadow covered the doorway. The doors flew open and Mary, serving behind the bar, let out a blood curdling scream.

Standing before them was Dave. His body covered in slime, grass and reeds, looking not dissimiliar from an Army sniper in a gillie suit. He stumbled in, his body covered in cuts and a puncture wound to his upper thigh, blood slowly trickling down his leg. He held himself up on the bar. Spreading the grass away from his eyes he looked at Fred and Bill and uttered those immortal words “ok you bastards, now where’s that Aboriginal woman I’m supposed to wrestle?”

Immeditely the tavern erupted in a chorus of laughter. In fact Bill was laughing so much he swayed on his stool and falling backward, landed on a metal ashtray, breaking his upper right leg. It took more than 5 minutes of rolling around on the floor laughing, before he realized he could not stand up. His leg below the break was at a strange angle.

Dave was able to slowly gain his breath and compose himself. Well as much as he could anyhow. Fred was still sitting on the stool laughing at Bill and the situation. Bill was laughing so much his face was turning red when suddenly he just stopped laughing. In fact he stopped everything including breathing and pumping blood around his big fat body. He just up and died.

Dave had recently completed a First Aid course and quickly realized the gravity of the situation. He checked Ol’ Bill and sure enough, no pulse, no breathing. He started CPR and asked Mary to call for an Ambulance. The Ambulance was there within 10 minutes and , keeping the CPR going, they transported Bill to Royal Darwin Hospital. As the Ambulance Shift Supervisor who also attended was about to leave she noticed a blood pool where Dave had been kneeling. When she asked if he was injured he replied “yeah, just started my induction to becoming a Territorian with that oversized goanna out the back.” She damn near spat out her false teeth with laughter.

She asked Dave if he would mind if she checked him over. sure enough there were cuts, tears and puncture wounds consistent with a crocodile attack. She also noticed he had the blood was coming from his scrotum. Upon checking, it appeared Marilyn had taken his left testicle. Rather than wait for another Ambulance, Dave got a ride to RDH with the Supervisor. Her name was Jenny and they would become and remain friends for years.

Dave spent the next five days in RDH on antibiotics and repair surgery to his body and was given a prosthetic testicle for balance.

“What happened to Bill” asked the stranger?

“Well” said Dave, “Bill survived for another 10 days in the Coronary Care Unit at RDH. The problem was every time he would think about that day he would get a big smile on his face and begin to laugh. This would trigger another heart attack. The nurses had to keep a careful eye on his Cardiac monitor so as to stop him from thinking about that fateful day. Eventually Bill’s heart was just too weak to carry on and he could not be revived”

“Wow, thats really sad” the stranger said.

“Not really” said Dave. “It is said by staff working in the CCU that on a quiet night, when the only sounds are those of the cardiac monitors beeping, a quiet chuckle can be heard in and around the unit.”

“Did they kill Marilyn as a man eater?” the stranger enquired.

“No, she still resides out the back of the Tavern. They say when ever a guy with a beard goes out the back to have a look at her, at feeding time, she immeditely makes her way slowly toward him, with a special gleam in her eyes” responded Dave.

“So, you still haven’t told me what you do for a crust” inquired the stranger.

“I work at a place called Crocodylus Park. In the build up and the early wet season I go out with the owner Dr Graeme Webb and we steal eggs from the female Crocodile nests. When we get them back we incubate them and once they are hatched, we grow them to become leather and Restaurant meat” replied Dave. “So tell me, what do you think of your Croc burger? Tastes like chicken don’t it!”

Foot note.

To this day back in his old bedroom in Canberra, there remains a poster on the ceiling overlooking Dave's old bed of the famous scene of Marilyn Monroe standing over the subway vent holding down her skirt.

Today Dave surrounds himself with pictures of Cockatoos in honour of that old Feather Foot fella. It is his belief Left Hand gave him the totem as a mark of respect after their last meeting in the Alice.



But that my friends is another story and as the saying goes, will be told another time.

[V3RSAC3]

I'm not quiet sure what that was, but it was an enjoyable read!

[Vincenzo]

Originally Posted by V3RSAC3

I'm not quiet sure what that was, but it was an enjoyable read!

Thanks - it was on my bucket list of things to do, ie; publish a piece of writing. It doesn't matter if no one reads it or even likes it. My daughter has also now seen me without a beard for the first time in her 21 years and heard me sing which really surprised her.

It is the first time I have ever written down a story. I usually narrate them to whomever wants to listen.

Thanks for the comment.

[Nic85]

Pretty enjoyable read mate. Was a bit choppy sometimes, going from one thing to something else not really related, but I'm no writer or anything. Good job.

[RASER]

Tldr!

[davenl5l]

great read keep up the writing not enough readers and writers in the world

[DBourne]

Well you kept my attention so I think you did a good job

[poppa smurf]

I gotta say that was one of the most enjoyable waste of five minutes I've had for a bloody long time

kudos to you ...

[TUF_302]

I don't see the point, but a good read none the less!

[JC]

Originally Posted by poppa smurf

I gotta say that was one of the most enjoyable waste of five minutes I've had for a bloody long time

kudos to you ...

ditto.

[H.G]

yep had me at hello...

pointless reads are often the best. looking forward to your next one.

[supershifty]

I read it, liked it, scratched my head, but yeah - post some more up!

Cheers!

[Uncle Niceguy]

great read, i remember visiting darwin back in 2006 and we went on the adelaide river cruise (jumping crocs) and for the whole safety thing they do they tell a story about how a guy quit because of an accident whilst working on a bridge can't remember how it goes but was pretty funny...

[ado351c]

Great read mate, reminds me of an Arthur Upfield novel.

[Maka]

Great read Vincenzo, i really enjoyed it- i was transported to the Top End for 10minutes! Great material for a short film i reckon!

cheers,Maka

[Vincenzo]

Greetings - to all those who read my little diatribe, I thank you. I thought if I could bring a smile to one persons face it would be worth it, to have more than one like it WOW, thank you all.

Maka, as for making a short movie of it, I don't think I have the ability or the time but I am pretty sure my lovely daughter would give it a go in my memory.

I hope shortly to have another one ready. This next one won't be an original but it was one that was told to me about 48 years ago by an old story teller and I have always liked it.

Again, thankyou all for your time.

[dave351cid]

great story mate. a bit of good old style austaliana.

[Moby Vic]

Originally Posted by poppa smurf

I gotta say that was one of the most enjoyable waste of five minutes I've had for a bloody long time

kudos to you ...

You're a fast reader! It took me a lot more than 5 minutes.

Very interesting, though!

Leaves the reader wondering about the third part....

[poppa smurf]

Originally Posted by Moby Vic

You're a fast reader! It took me a lot more than 5 minutes.

Very interesting, though!

Leaves the reader wondering about the third part....

when you're shuffling papers in between working all day you get to read very fast

I steal a little time "in here" now and again but that is in between filling out accounts and doing the actual work

[Moby Vic]

Well, I work as an editor, so I have to read in detail. I steal time to clear my head a little.

[AGS302]

I remember hearing this story years ago.

[Vincenzo]

Originally Posted by AGS302

I remember hearing this story years ago.

Which part or parts?

Only reason I ask is I only thought about it mid July then wrote it.

[AGS302]

Originally Posted by Vincenzo

Which part or parts?

Only reason I ask is I only thought about it mid July then wrote it.

The base story line about becoming a true territorian drinkin the 2L stubbies, wrestling the croc and making love to an aboriginal woman.

Heard it about 15 years ago while living in Mount Isa. I will say though the depth and detail in which you tell the story is brilliant.

[Vincenzo]

Originally Posted by AGS302

The base story line about becoming a true territorian drinkin the 2L stubbies, wrestling the croc and making love to an aboriginal woman.

Heard it about 15 years ago while living in Mount Isa. I will say though the depth and detail in which you tell the story is brilliant.

Ahhh, gotcha. Yes, it probably started sometime after they decided to make a "Darwin Stubby".

Manufacturing started in 1958.

[Iggypoppin']

Great story, very entertaining! Keep posting them up I'm enjoying them a lot