what do you say

[Jason[98.EL]]

a sad story here

some friends of my family have just lost their daughter to a life long illness that doctors could not diagnose

little Zahlee was only 20 months old and was the younger sister to 7 girls and 2 boys
here is a tribute to her on face book

https://www.facebook.com/#!/PrincessZahlee

I am at a loss as to what to say to them and to be honest I am heart broken and just well I don't know words are hard to find

thanks for listening to my rant

Jason

[Vincenzo]

Jason

Sometimes, a true friend doesn't need to say anything at all. A simple hug, touch on the shoulder or just the offer to do something. It matters not, because they know you as a true friend.

Had a mate, who, after the funeral was having a party / wake at his place - didn't know what to do so I mowed his lawn.

Just be there for them.

[chamb0]

Everyone grieves differently but it's always important to be a good active listener. It's normal to feel awkward about what to say, but really listening to them in their journey is much, much more important than you talking. As Vincenzo said above, let them know you are there for them and willing to help out with whatever they may need, and take initiative with helping out instead of waiting for them to call you. Don't be offended if they ask for space. It sounds like you really care about what has happened and they will already know that. In the end it's important for grieving people to feel that there are people who empathise and share their sadness, and these things can be done without words.

The circumstances were very different but in my own experience of grieving, I remember next to nothing about the words people said, but a lot about what people did - taking the time to share my sadness by just being with me and feeling the pain I felt, doing little helpful things, being mindful of when I needed space as well, and being there in the long term when others dropped away. Avoid using cliched catchphrases that you think may help them feel better i.e. "time will heal all wounds" "I understand how you feel" "focus on your other children" or "you need to be distracted" - they don't help at all.

Maybe you could think of ways to remember and honour Zahlee's precious life that get them talking and remembering... we had a book that we wrote all the stories in when they came to mind, especially the funny ones.

[ZH For Me]

Jason, what Vincenzo and Camb0 have said is some of the best advice on such a topic I've heard in quite a long while. Actions really do speak louder than words, and this is no different. Simply being there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on will have a far more profound effect than the words of even the best poet could ever have. As you said, you're heart-broken as well, and being there for them will, more than likely, help you grieve as well. Additionally, they would probably know that you're hurting too, so being there for them will really stand out and make so much more of a difference, they know that you know how they feel without needing to tell them so.

Vincenzo got it spot on when he said "Sometimes, a true friend doesn't need to say anything at all.". Knowing that you're there for them will make all the difference.