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Old 02-08-2005, 07:11 AM   #1
bindi
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Default Bit of a laugh

I can post this sexist material as I am a chickie (who can relate to some of these)...

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

WHATEVER
A woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by big_waity
Oh, and another surefire symptom will be the Falcon badge at the back.
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Old 02-08-2005, 10:24 AM   #2
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Bindi, I think you should have called this "The thread that ALL men should read!" :evil_laug
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Old 02-08-2005, 10:34 AM   #3
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I have read it signed it and will do it, ohh sorry for a minute i thought Marg was on here. :
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Old 02-08-2005, 10:37 AM   #4
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And now the Reverse.

I DONT CARE.
Means we dont care. Whatever it is you are babbling about with your panties in a knot, we just, dont, care. Shutup!

YEP.
Means yes of course im listening, now shutup im watching TV. Ill agree to the invasion of Poland, just as long as you shutup.

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
Means Why the hell are we having this mopey pay attention to my feelings argument again, jesus why dont you shutup!

THATS NICE DARLING.
See Yep.

HONEY IM HOME.
Means, well I've walked in the door, now it starts.

NO YOU DONT LOOK FAT.
Means I dont care if you are or not, I'll be looking at the 18 year olds in tight dresses anyway.

I THINK THAT OUTFIT LOOKS GREAT HONEY.
Means, I dont care if you wear a sack and a plastic hat, aslong as we can get going so I can go look at 18 year olds in tight dresses.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Ahhh Christ what now.

HONEY I THINK WE SHOULD START SEEING OTHER PEOPLE.
Means ive finally found one of those 18 year olds in tight dresses to sleep with me for the last 6 months, and im sick of sneaking around.
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Old 02-08-2005, 10:37 AM   #5
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Hehe, that's classic. Good one Bindi.
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Old 02-08-2005, 11:13 AM   #6
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Bwahahaha! Good one Bindi? Good One Sour Bastard!
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Quote:
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Edelbrock.... not Peter Brock. Theres a world of difference. For a start my heads have much less gum tree in them.
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Old 02-08-2005, 01:20 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sourbastard
And now the Reverse.
Hahahahaha they are so true _2:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by big_waity
Oh, and another surefire symptom will be the Falcon badge at the back.
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Old 02-08-2005, 01:49 PM   #8
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Nice work sourbastard lol. Need to get the "I DONT CARE" message through to one chick in particular. A year after still doesnt know what "F**K OFF" and "I DONT CARE" means lol.
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Old 02-08-2005, 06:19 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sourbastard
And now the Reverse.

I DONT CARE.
Means we dont care. Whatever it is you are babbling about with your panties in a knot, we just, dont, care. Shutup!

YEP.
Means yes of course im listening, now shutup im watching TV. Ill agree to the invasion of Poland, just as long as you shutup.

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
Means Why the hell are we having this mopey pay attention to my feelings argument again, jesus why dont you shutup!

THATS NICE DARLING.
See Yep.

HONEY IM HOME.
Means, well I've walked in the door, now it starts.

NO YOU DONT LOOK FAT.
Means I dont care if you are or not, I'll be looking at the 18 year olds in tight dresses anyway.

I THINK THAT OUTFIT LOOKS GREAT HONEY.
Means, I dont care if you wear a sack and a plastic hat, aslong as we can get going so I can go look at 18 year olds in tight dresses.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Ahhh Christ what now.

HONEY I THINK WE SHOULD START SEEING OTHER PEOPLE.
Means ive finally found one of those 18 year olds in tight dresses to sleep with me for the last 6 months, and im sick of sneaking around.
So true.
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Old 02-08-2005, 06:19 PM   #10
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Hahaha....I've just realised that I use all of those on a daily basis.
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Old 02-08-2005, 06:30 PM   #11
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You can always rely on Sour Bastard (tm).

:Reverend:
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Old 02-08-2005, 10:59 PM   #12
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Girls/Guys Translator


Girls' English

Yes = No


No = Yes


Maybe = No


"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now!


"Do what u want" = You'll pay for this later!


"We need to talk" = I need to .


"Sure......Go ahead" = I don't want you too.


" I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, u stupid moron!


" How much do u love me?" = I did something today your not gonna like me for.


"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.


" You have to learn to communicate!" = Just agree with me.


" Are you listening to me?" = Too late, you're dead!




Guy's English


" I'm hungry" = I'm hungry


" I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy


" I'm tired " = I'm tired


" Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.


" Can I take you to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.


" Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.


" May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.


"Nice dress" = Nice cleavage.


" You look tensed, let me give you a massage" = I want to fondle you.


" What's wrong? " = What meaningless self inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?


" What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.


"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?


" I love you" = Let's have sex right now.


" I love you too" = Okay I said it we'd better have sex now!


" Let's talk" = I am tryin' to impress you by shown that I'm a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me!


" Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

Last edited by w0lf; 02-08-2005 at 11:01 PM. Reason: fix spelling
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Old 02-08-2005, 11:02 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by w0lf
" Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
Now thats the best one lol.
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Old 02-08-2005, 11:18 PM   #14
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Bwahahahahaha!

Nice work w0lfie!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sourbastard
Edelbrock.... not Peter Brock. Theres a world of difference. For a start my heads have much less gum tree in them.
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Old 02-08-2005, 11:24 PM   #15
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wOLF that rocks!!!!!
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Old 03-08-2005, 06:08 AM   #16
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Nearly all of them are spot on
Quote:
Originally Posted by w0lf
" Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
Wow, that last one though, it blew me away and suddenly did not seem very funny at all...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by big_waity
Oh, and another surefire symptom will be the Falcon badge at the back.
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Old 03-08-2005, 08:38 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bindi
I can post this sexist material as I am a chickie
Likewise, these are the bloke's rules:

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
Sex,
Sport, or
Cars

1. You have enough clothes

1. You have too many shoes

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
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Old 03-08-2005, 08:46 AM   #18
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Quote:
NO YOU DONT LOOK FAT.
Means I dont care if you are or not, I'll be looking at the 18 year olds in tight dresses anyway.

I THINK THAT OUTFIT LOOKS GREAT HONEY.
Means, I dont care if you wear a sack and a plastic hat, aslong as we can get going so I can go look at 18 year olds in tight dresses.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Ahhh Christ what now.

HONEY I THINK WE SHOULD START SEEING OTHER PEOPLE.
Means ive finally found one of those 18 year olds in tight dresses to sleep with me for the last 6 months, and im sick of sneaking around.
Bwahaha GOLD!! : : :
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Old 03-08-2005, 11:40 AM   #19
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Quote:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
That's GOLD
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Old 03-08-2005, 04:18 PM   #20
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AHahaahahah, all these things are so true, i live with three girls and i can relate to it ALL.. Im going to print that out and stick it on the fridge.
LMAO!!
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Old 03-08-2005, 04:24 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phillo62
AHahaahahah, all these things are so true, i live with three girls and i can relate to it ALL.. Im going to print that out and stick it on the fridge.
LMAO!!
When they kill you... can I have your car?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sourbastard
Edelbrock.... not Peter Brock. Theres a world of difference. For a start my heads have much less gum tree in them.
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Old 03-08-2005, 04:28 PM   #22
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Why or course, but you will have to pry it from my cold dead hands...... and you will have to pay the rego and insurance next month cos its due..(mumble mumble mumble).
I think ill sleep with my room locked from now on
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