Teenage deaths from Bullying

Eaturbo · 19-10-2015, 03:44 PM

It's a growing problem and seams that know one wants to take responsibility for it. Kids are allowed to bully others with no repercussions and no action taken by schools. If I ever found out that my kids were bullying other kids I would boot them right up the bum. To me if a child is identified as bullying another child than they should be suspended and only return to school upon completing a course that details to them the damage that there actions are causing. On there return to school they should be made to apologise to the child that they have bullied.

There is absolutely no reason why any child should be made to feel bullied, put down or threatened at school or after hours online. I don't understand why schools and Parents don't have a policy or procedure for dealing with the problem. There is no excuse or place for this type of behaviour and certainly in the adult world there are laws and general accepted behaviour expectations in society. Children develop there personality and mental traits in there younger years and bullying is what leads to a lot of young adults having mental health issues costing the country millions of dollars every year.

I just think that bullying in the school grounds should be targeted and treated with a lot more seriousness.

neptune blue · 19-10-2015, 04:57 PM

Its a big problem and a lot of schools put their heads in the sand and hope that the problem will go away. On line bullying is a real problem. Most parents have no clue what thier kids are doing on line.

Girls are the worst especially teenage ones. We have our daughters phone and iPad linked to our phones so we can see every message sent and received. Forget about making complaints to the government bullying hotline / web page its a crock - best way is to monitor all transmissions and if there is a problem , jump on it !

BradEL · 19-10-2015, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neptune blue

Its a big problem and a lot of schools put their heads in the sand and hope that the problem will go away. On line bullying is a real problem. Most parents have no clue what thier kids are doing on line.

Girls are the worst especially teenage ones. We have our daughters phone and iPad linked to our phones so we can see every message sent and received. Forget about making complaints to the government bullying hotline / web page its a crock - best way is to monitor all transmissions and if there is a problem , jump on it !

I can see how this would seem like a solution, I'm not sure how old your daughters are, but I honestly think once someone is 13-14 then it kind of isn't fair to monitor all their txts or private messages. I think from your parental point of view keeping an eye on their social media profiles is a good idea so you get an idea of what they get up to when they arnt with you and who they are hanging out with. But I think to monitor their private messages and stuff would just make their growing up and becoming independent harder, teenage years are the years where people would learn the most about everything, and parents just need to remember us teenagers dont always want them over our shoulders or watching in on our private conversations.

In saying that though it's great to read things like what you said, the world could do with a lot more mothers and fathers who care as much about their teenagers as you do.

damo76 · 19-10-2015, 06:15 PM

My daughter went through a bit of this couple years ago in year 4, one of the girls in the class was calling her names and picking on her and causing trouble for my daughter by dobbing her in for things she had never done.
I found out about this and educated my daughter to stand up for her self, tell the teacher if that fails sort the girl out.
Anyway my daughter told the teacher and nothing was done so she gave it back to the girl and then the girl told the teacher and my daughter got in trouble for standing up for herself.
I hate these new schools they are teaching kids to be robots, they drag the grade ones and 2's on a rope, the teachers hold a rope and all the kids have to grab on to the rope like dogs.
I told the teacher as i was walking past, what you taking them for a walk?

I contronted the teacher about my daughters problem and she acted like she didn't know.

damo76 · 19-10-2015, 07:29 PM

I know it's not really about teenage deaths from bullying but i really think my daughter is going to have a terrible time in high school as she is a big girl, i really feel bad.

michael_ozzie · 19-10-2015, 08:01 PM

A good mate of mine lost his daughter, after she committed suicide as a direct result of online bullying. The coroner found extremely strong evidence of 2 young males who said some terrible things to her, made her question her worth, and the result of their words has rocked their family, their friends, their community.

Worst thing is that she was 18, as were her perpetrators. The law does nothing, they have not even been interviewed by police. There has not, and most likely never will be justice for her death.

So I can understand the concern of all those with teenagers, and those of us who will be starting families in the future. There is no silver bullet, all we can do is give teenagers the tools to be able to cope with whatever comes their way.

Falcman0o7 · 19-10-2015, 08:37 PM

Hello facebook....

Big part of bullying. HATE THE ****

Falcman0o7 · 19-10-2015, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by michael_ozzie

A good mate of mine lost his daughter, after she committed suicide as a direct result of online bullying. The coroner found extremely strong evidence of 2 young males who said some terrible things to her, made her question her worth, and the result of their words has rocked their family, their friends, their community.

Worst thing is that she was 18, as were her perpetrators. The law does nothing, they have not even been interviewed by police. There has not, and most likely never will be justice for her death.

So I can understand the concern of all those with teenagers, and those of us who will be starting families in the future. There is no silver bullet, all we can do is give teenagers the tools to be able to cope with whatever comes their way.

Sad :(

Trevor 57 · 19-10-2015, 08:39 PM

Bullying is a difficult one to prosecute, generally any prosectution for workplace bullying happens under OHS law, Brodie (Panlock)'s law which sits in the Crimes Act (Vict) is a direct response to workplace bullying, the first place and time workplace bullying is mentioned in law is in the 2014 Fair Work Act, instilled on Jan 1 2014

To get a conviction there has to be a proven history of bullying and this is difficult to get as generally (unless on line) it (the repetitiveness) is hard to prove

Trevor 57 · 19-10-2015, 08:43 PM

These days schools are very well versed on how to deal with it, but it needs to be bought to their attention quickly

blueoval · 19-10-2015, 08:55 PM

Until schools get held accountable legally, I doubt they will do much. Damo76's example is a particularly sad one and one that makes me seethe at the same time.

What is holding the teachers back from stepping in? Is it PC issues? Being scared of litigation? Accused of assault? What is it?

Eaturbo · 19-10-2015, 09:03 PM

The problem I think is that the kids that are bullies are often from families where there parents are or were Bullies themselves. The parents don't see it as a problem as it was normal behaviour for them as a child. They will usually say things like " the other child just needs to harden up" or " doesn't hurt anyone just prepares them for the real world"
Or " the other kid is just too sensitive and is taking it the wrong way"

My response to my child would be " if I ever hear you bullying another kid you won't sit down for a month and you will be apologising to that kid"

byamin · 19-10-2015, 09:18 PM

Quote:

To me if a child is identified as bullying another child than they should be suspended and only return to school upon completing a course that details to them the damage that there actions are causing

Good idea Howeover from what I've seen (finished highschool in 2013) the ones who do get suspended for something like this tend to enjoy the time off school, then they come back with an even bigger ego thinking they are awesome.

Quote:

These days schools are very well versed on how to deal with it

I don't think so; pretty complex issue to deal with however. A few people from the school I went to shifted to another school because It wasn't dealt with sufficiently, the school lost one student and teacher to suicide in the 5 years I was there due to poor support networks.

BENT_8 · 19-10-2015, 09:27 PM

There are so many facets to this issue, on one hand you have the bully and their intentions, then there is the victim and how they deal with it and the parents of both.

One of the biggest issues i believe is that quite often the victim suffers in relative silence and is eventualy convinced that they have no value.
Like people living with mental health issues, they are often screaming out for help, but no one reads the signs until its too late.
They wont always come out and explain whats going on.

This is where i believe we as parents need to be more open with our kids and encourage problem solving as a family unit.

My teenage kids suffer from bad acne and have copped a fair bit of stick in the last few years. I suffered from it as a teen and there is nothing i hated more than being called pizza face as there is nothing i could do about it.
I never told my parents what was going on and suffered in silence.

When my eldest son started breaking out in pimples i was gutted as i knew what he faced ahead, so i got on the front foot and explained that it was a part of life for some people, it makes you look different which attracts attention, but it doesnt make you any less of a person.
I wanted to give him the coping skills necessary to deal with the **** life throws at you.

We cant control the way others parent their offspring, we cant control what those poorly parented offspring do, but we can control how our children recieve the bullying and how they deal with it.

Talk to your kids.

neptune blue · 19-10-2015, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BradEL

I can see how this would seem like a solution, I'm not sure how old your daughters are, but I honestly think once someone is 13-14 then it kind of isn't fair to monitor all their txts or private messages. I think from your parental point of view keeping an eye on their social media profiles is a good idea so you get an idea of what they get up to when they arnt with you and who they are hanging out with. But I think to monitor their private messages and stuff would just make their growing up and becoming independent harder, teenage years are the years where people would learn the most about everything, and parents just need to remember us teenagers dont always want them over our shoulders or watching in on our private conversations.

In saying that though it's great to read things like what you said, the world could do with a lot more mothers and fathers who care as much about their teenagers as you do.

13/14 is one of the most vunrable ages and that's when you need to protect them.
social media is global which means you have every sicko pedophile from 15 to 55 ready to prey on young girls - yes as young as 15
My daughter was hastled by two boys from her school on Instagram to post naked picturs of herself
Now some kids would hear the alarm bells go off and tel, their parents
Some would try to deal with it in their own way , which is what my daughter did- too embarrassed to speak to us about it.

She took a random pic of a naked woman off the Internet , cut off the head and posted it , thinking now that they have what they wanted , they would leave her alone
The picture was then sent to other boys at the school and the next day she was inundated with kids saying to her" you posted a naked picture of your self in instagram".
We only found this out because my wife caught her by chance self harming because she couldn't handle what was going on at school and on social media.
The pain and the grief we all went thought over the next month was terrible with my daughter having to see a child phscoligist to help her cope.

This is why we now monitor all messages.
The older sickos are smarter than that

As we know social media to kids especially girls is about being popular via selfies and "likes"

So these mother ****ers post likes and complements then they would say stuff like, "you know you would get a lot more likes if you wear tight jeans or a crop top".

And it gets worse from there
Some kids will know this is wrong but some will think there is nothing wrong with it be use he's now a "friend on Instagram"

My daughters privacy is the least of my concerns. At 13 there shouldn't be anything that you dont know about what is going on with your children. If they want privacy it means they want to hide something from you and it just might be something you may not approve of

When I think she can handle her self, then I will look at the current arrangement but untill then I am the last and only line of defence standing between her and the sick ****s that want to masterbate to pictures of young girls

BradEL · 20-10-2015, 05:36 AM

Trust me Neptune blue I can see where your coming from, unfortunately social media just creates a huge issue for young people, all in the name of popularity. I'm still a teenager so I know plenty of girls around my age group 18-19 and they all say the same thing, they won't put certain things on Facebook or instagram if they dont think it will get a certain amount of likes. They judge other people on how many 'friends' or 'followers' they have.

There is also a huge pressure for teenagers to look a certain way, not only girls either this applies for guys too. It all goes back to popularity, it just seems stupid but girls think they will be more popular if they put photos on social media showing how fit they are, and guys will put up a photo of themselves lifting at the gym because they want to fit in with everyone else and be popular.
I fully can relate to the bullying around that age though, I actually changed schools when I was about 15 and this was largely because of bullying, when I think back a few years later I think it wasn't a big deal, but it is a difficult age to deal with that kind of thing, especially when the jokes on you and you have no one to talk to about it.

From a personal opinion I have never used Facebook of instagram because I just don't understand the mentality of what some idiots post on it. During school not using it was never a bother to me because I have friends and hobbies outside of school, but obviously not having it does in a way make you less popular, because all the "cool kids" had a big social media presence. It really is just a stupid way of thinking but again people all post similar stuff just to try and be popular.
There is no real fix to it, instagram wasn't even around when I started high school, so the generation of parents now don't fully understand the pressures of social media on high schoolers, the best thing parents can do is just try and be aware of what goes on with such stuff as snapchat and instagram, and try to talk their teenagers on a level that might help them be more open to talking about bullying or social pressure online.

Trevor 57 · 20-10-2015, 06:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by byamin

I don't think so; pretty complex issue to deal with however. A few people from the school I went to shifted to another school because It wasn't dealt with sufficiently, the school lost one student and teacher to suicide in the 5 years I was there due to poor support networks.

My grandson (8 yo), on 2 Fridays ago was set upon by 6 other kids (3 from Grade 1 and 3 from Grade 2), feet marks in his back, bruised, tried to fill his mouth full of sand, etc, anyway the Principal handled it exceptionally well, put lots and lots of things in place to manage it, the policy of the school is to normally break up groups larger than 3 kids. The principal even arranged counseling for my grand-son, we all believe he handled it very well, will it stop it happening again, not sure, the teachers on yard duty that day were given a tune up by the Principal as well, they should have noticed, were the Principals words

Franco Cozzo · 20-10-2015, 06:34 AM

I got bullied a little in high school, anyways one of the perpetrators was beaten up by one of my mates (now my business partner) and thrown over the fence

It stopped most of it pretty quickly.

Unfortunately with teenage girls they play the psychological games which leave bruises and scars you can't see.

Social media is a ***** too, Facebook became popular in around 2008 at my high school but it seemed everyone at school was using it for those silly quizzes rather than hassling people for nudes.

**Polyal** · 20-10-2015, 07:19 AM

Pretty complex problem these days. Its a terrible thing for anyone to get to the point of suicide regardless of the reasons why.

One thing I dont understand is that kids got bullied when we were at school, one in particular massively, yet no suicide? Maybe I got lucky but I cannot recall one case of teen suicide in my local and greater area growing up (just North of Melbourne).

So whats different? As aove I think its the relentless of online "bullying". But what I dont get is that its all recorded, we just need to empower the people being bullied to report it and game over.

Bullying is only powerful if those who are being bullied listen.

I hope my kids dont have to go through it but its a fact of life that some people are not nice, so you ignore them, if its a criminal act against you then report it.

Dont be afraid.

blueoval · 20-10-2015, 09:16 AM

The school has a big part to play in this. I was always of the belief that if you are leaving your kids with a school, it is THEIR responsibility to look after them while in their care and ensure everyone is behaving. Of course I am from an old school era where computers were new and cost thousands, mobile phones were even invented and parents actually took more accountability for the way their child was brought up.

Is it not this way anymore?

snopony · 20-10-2015, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eaturbo

The problem I think is that the kids that are bullies are often from families where there parents are or were Bullies themselves. The parents don't see it as a problem as it was normal behaviour for them as a child. They will usually say things like " the other child just needs to harden up" or " doesn't hurt anyone just prepares them for the real world"
Or " the other kid is just too sensitive and is taking it the wrong way"

My response to my child would be " if I ever hear you bullying another kid you won't sit down for a month and you will be apologising to that kid"

Im finding this to ring true. I live in an area where a lot of the children are in houses of close proximity to each other... well within hearing distance. one particular boy is a real piece of work...my child often comes home and tells me word for word the latest bullying shennanigans of this boy... and guess what, word for word, its exactly how his parents speak to him and treats him.

Its up to the parents.

I have taught my child that just because you hear/see other people do mean stuff, it dosnt mean its acceptable for them to do it as well.

ford71V8 · 20-10-2015, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neptune blue

.........
As we know social media to kids especially girls is about being popular via selfies and "likes"
...........

This is an important part to address.
We all had/have peer pressure. Its tough.
Teach kids to be bigger than the trends or whats deemed popular.
I have kids in a large age range. The last 2 that went through high school were brought up to not be intimidated by the kids with the brand clothes, or the ones that had the best phone, etc.
Social media got some momentum in their last years at school but I refused to allow them the freedom of that online world. No tablets or phones in the bedroom ( my son didn't even get a phone until he was done with Yr12), and the family PC is in the room with the most activity, screen facing out for all to see.
I have one more child to guide through high school and the teenage years, and we have encouraged sport sport sport. He still gets to play video games but between his cricket, footy, and book reports it will not consume his life.
I watch my older daughter and wish Facebook never entered our home. It offers nothing that was not already able to be done (ie contacting people, sharing photos) but it seems to dominate peoples days with nothing to show for it at the end.

TheSneakiness · 20-10-2015, 10:58 AM

My son is in prep and I've definitely noticed his behaviour change, he acts out more and I think he is being bullied too because he is the biggest (tallest) prep in his school and is also the quietest. That equals easy bait for the loud runts to try and make him feel bad.

As a parent you just wish you could pull the kid aside and clip him round the earlobe a bit but the best thing is to tell your child what to do and how to act.

**Polyal** · 20-10-2015, 11:10 AM

****ing off phones during school time might not do much but it certainly wouldnt hurt. No kid needs a phone at school, would sort a few other issues out aswell.

**PepeLePew** · 20-10-2015, 11:24 AM

My daughter is 13 and riding so many waves at (now) high school, and you just can't help but feel utterly powerless as a parent. They're all different, my others have a confidence and sense of themselves which will protect them. You can't help but feel you've failed them somehow. Every day i think, support and remain close as I can to get her through these years. The bully types spot children like her a mile away, their difference, their sensitivity, their vulnerability. Yet oddly it's often those they are closest to which turn and hurt the most.

blueoval · 20-10-2015, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polyal

****ing off phones during school time might not do much but it certainly wouldnt hurt. No kid needs a phone at school, would sort a few other issues out aswell.

This is a good idea in my opinion. Make all students hand in their phones as they enter the school grounds. Pick them up when they leave. It will force the kids to interact the old way by actually talking....haha

BradEL · 20-10-2015, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polyal

****ing off phones during school time might not do much but it certainly wouldnt hurt. No kid needs a phone at school, would sort a few other issues out aswell.

If only it was that easy, during my last year and a half at high school the school introduced free WiFi and then made it compulsory go bring a smart device to many lessons. Instead of giving out excercises on paper it was all on the Google drive, work was also submitted to teachers online in many subjects. I dunno about in aussie but here a lot of schools are going that way with a large amount all ready having the majority of lessons using smart tech, even primary schools are doing it apparently.
It's likely that more and more use of technology will come into play in schools, so it is going to make monitoring online behavior even harder.

There is just no solution to this problem that comes to mind that solves all the problems brought up in this thread. Teenagers just need a good support circle of friends as well as older role models (not nessicarily parents) that they can look to for advice and support if they are bullied.
It reminds me of an old Simpson's episode

**Polyal** · 20-10-2015, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BradEL

If only it was that easy, during my last year and a half at high school the school introduced free WiFi and then made it compulsory go bring a smart device to many lessons. Instead of giving out excercises on paper it was all on the Google drive, work was also submitted to teachers online in many subjects. I dunno about in aussie but here a lot of schools are going that way with a large amount all ready having the majority of lessons using smart tech, even primary schools are doing it apparently.
It's likely that more and more use of technology will come into play in schools, so it is going to make monitoring online behavior even harder.

There is just no solution to this problem that comes to mind that solves all the problems brought up in this thread. Teenagers just need a good support circle of friends as well as older role models (not nessicarily parents) that they can look to for advice and support if they are bullied.
It reminds me of an old Simpson's episode
image

Its OT but you shoudlnt be using a phone for that anyway.

We can go to Mars but we cant control WiFi at a school? I think we can, you can easily ban phones aswell but the schools need to follow through, not just bark about it.

BENT_8 · 20-10-2015, 01:06 PM

We had a parent teacher interview at the end of last term, during the meeting the home class teacher expressed her frustration at the problem of phone use during class time.
I asked her why schools allow them to have phones during class, we didnt need them in our day.
She said the school was hesitant to remove phones because parents would go off about it saying it was their emergency life line etc.
She said she could take the phone from our son during lessons but only if we gave concent, which i did before she finished the sentence.

raised by monkeys · 20-10-2015, 01:21 PM

Didn't read all of the above, but some observations from my work in schools and community services, particularly working with young people aged 10 -15 is their exposure to inappropriate material; whether directly or indirectly. For example, the number of kids that I work with in primary schools who play GTA 5 amongst other, watch horror movies and whose parents' mouths who don't have filters; and those kids bring that to school.

A lot parents seem to lack the inability to monitor a child's exposure, where they can develop unhealthy constructions of sex, relationships, interactions with others and what is heroic etc. Also placing this responsibility in some way to the community. History has many examples of community raising children (indigenous Australian is a great example). Exposure to material on mainstream and social media is atrocious. But kids who tell me the ins and outs of the 'collector' movies and 'freddy got fingered' is an absolute joke.

I did have an upbringing in the 80/90's hype of action stars and was given a day off school to watch total recall (albeit; dad was receiving chemo treatment and was 50/50 at the time and used to do body building - and I was competing in karate and training for black belt grading at 14 since aged 7) but I had parents who had the ability to relate this information. Some parents misconstrue this and don't explain, deconstruct ridiculous misconceptions of male masculinity and its impact on their children.

Imagine a kid hearing rim job for the first time. Google is their new dictionary...

We also hover around blurred lines of the impact of attachment disorders to parent figures and other mental health issues leading to attention issues; but simply put, I think a lot of parents refuse to be accountable for a healthy upbringing of children due to their own unhealthy developments as children, and due to accountability/policy issues the community feels forced to turn a blind eye. Schools can only attend to so much, but parental education/realisation I see a larger part of a solution.

Complex issue with various factors and I feel or the victims and perpetrators, and their families.