Wierd Situation - Women

[mmhmm]

Afternoon Fellas, hope your days are well and good.

So wanted to see your guys opinion. Met a girl when I was overseas and we hit it off well, obviously chatting and working up to taking things to the next level once the borders open BUT yesterday I was hearing some pretty odd news.

She goes she will go to see her cousin because she is currently in the city ( she's a country girl) For her course / training. She noted that the cousin, text's her almost everyday asking her to come out. She is reluctant to take money off her family but she is quite happy to take it from the cousin. The cousin is a police officer.

Now to me this sounded abit wierd because does anybody's cousin ( Being of opposite sex) message them daily asking them to come out?
I asked her what her thoughts were and she said, yeah i treat him like my brother ( kind of red flag / BS radar kicked in). I asked what he's actions of texting daily could mean and she said I don't know.

In their culture, they are allowed to Marry their 2nd cousins or something. For me it's odd that somebody would be messaging their cousin daily and if they run out of money prefer to go see him / friends then their folks.

Whats your thoughts ?

1. Is it abit wierd?
2 .Normal
3 .Do we have a crime scene here lol.

Chime in all opinions welcome.

Cheers

[Citroënbender]

Well, if he is directly her cousin, in the absence of other male family members she is subjugate to his supervision until married, and he is also obligated to protect her up to then?

[Yellow_Festiva]

Tough one. Can't do much when you are apart other than take her word for it.

Some foreign family structures are well.. very foreign to us Aussies.

Cousin / auntie / uncle etc are thrown around often to replace 'very close family friend' - especially in Asian countries.

Also, look at visa situation. You may be waiting years for an application to be processed and if you are footing the bill you could be out of pocket $10,000+.

Good luck

[Work Horse]

It is legal to marry your first cousin or your uncle or aunty in Australia.

[jaydee]

Weird, not normal, RUN.

[pottery beige]

is she hot ??

post up some pics before i call it.

[marty351]

Sounds like you're trying to fit in between a rock and a hard place. Be her friend by all means, but keep it at that.

[CoupeKing]

Fast and abstain, it will increase your testosterone.

Once you've mastered that you'll make better decision's.

[mmhmm]

Originally Posted by jaydee

Weird, not normal, RUN.

Well thats 4 votes for wierd. Not sure if it was a cultural thing but the texting your girl cousin every day and to come hang out seems abit wierd.

[mmhmm]

Originally Posted by pottery beige

is she hot ??

post up some pics before i call it.

She sure is.

[JasonACT]

Ask her if he's a cousin from her mother's side or father's side. Mother's side, walk away - he's keen. Father's side, walk away - he's a cop, if it goes bad he's only going to look out for her.

Did I say - walk away? She's cute, I saw the picture, it may work out.

[mmhmm]

Originally Posted by JasonACT

Ask her if he's a cousin from her mother's side or father's side. Mother's side, walk away - he's keen. Father's side, walk away - he's a cop, if it goes bad he's only going to look out for her.

Did I say - walk away? She's cute, I saw the picture, it may work out.

Mothers side

5 for wierd and walk away lol

[buggerlugs]

Incest. The game the whole family can play............

Just to clarify.... you're jealous because a chick you're interested in (and not even actually dating) is regularly spending time with her own cousin? and your "BS radar" is going off on that?

It sounds like jealousy to me, perhaps with some possessive issues mixed in there too. If someone hanging out with their cousin is a dealbreaker for you, what sort of woman are you actually looking for? One who avoids speaking to men entirely because it's inappropriate and just spends time with other women?

Unless you guys are a couple or married.. and you catch someone with their bits in your girlfriend/wife's bits.. try and dial down the suspicion and possessiveness issues. It's not healthy, it never ends well, it'll destroy any chance of a relationship and neither of you can live your lives without ever interacting with members of the opposite sex. That kind of platonic interaction (without suspicion) is actually healthy for the both of you.

This whole "she shouldn't be talking to or hanging around other men" is a good indicator of your views on women and relationships and I'd suggest it might even be worth speaking to someone about it professionally to nip it in the bud before it sabotages your personal relationships. It's not necessarily your fault, it's just that culture and society has a lot of influence over how people are raised to view sex and relationships and the current status quo needs some work. Suspicion about people talking to the opposite sex is one example.

For what it's worth, my sisters and I spent most of ourchildhood years with our cousins and it didn't result in any kind of incestuous relationship amongst any of us. It did however contribute to learning that boys and girls can live/work/play together without it meaning that people of the opposite sex are interested in each other.

[hayseed]

Just out of curiosity, What Nationality is She..???

[Bossxr8]

Originally Posted by leesa

Just to clarify.... you're jealous because a chick you're interested in (and not even actually dating) is regularly spending time with her own cousin? and your "BS radar" is going off on that?

It sounds like jealousy to me, perhaps with some possessive issues mixed in there too. If someone hanging out with their cousin is a dealbreaker for you, what sort of woman are you actually looking for? One who avoids speaking to men entirely because it's inappropriate and just spends time with other women?

Unless you guys are a couple or married.. and you catch someone with their bits in your girlfriend/wife's bits.. try and dial down the suspicion and possessiveness issues. It's not healthy, it never ends well, it'll destroy any chance of a relationship and neither of you can live your lives without ever interacting with members of the opposite sex. That kind of platonic interaction (without suspicion) is actually healthy for the both of you.

This whole "she shouldn't be talking to or hanging around other men" is a good indicator of your views on women and relationships and I'd suggest it might even be worth speaking to someone about it professionally to nip it in the bud before it sabotages your personal relationships. It's not necessarily your fault, it's just that culture and society has a lot of influence over how people are raised to view sex and relationships and the current status quo needs some work. Suspicion about people talking to the opposite sex is one example.

For what it's worth, my sisters and I spent most of ourchildhood years with our cousins and it didn't result in any kind of incestuous relationship amongst any of us. It did however contribute to learning that boys and girls can live/work/play together without it meaning that people of the opposite sex are interested in each other.

If that's the first take you get from reading that, I say you are the one who should be talking to someone professionally.

[98TLS]

Walk away and see what happens ie leave it up to her,no idea about the culture part of it etc but the reality is it means nothing,she either wants to be with you or not.Simple really.

[b0son]

A few assumptions on my part, but you met maybe up to a year or more ago? And you're still working your way up to it being a thing? If she's overseas, you're not playing the long game, you're playing the wrong game.

[pottery beige]

Originally Posted by leesa

Just to clarify.... you're jealous because a chick you're interested in (and not even actually dating) is regularly spending time with her own cousin? and your "BS radar" is going off on that?

It sounds like jealousy to me, perhaps with some possessive issues mixed in there too. If someone hanging out with their cousin is a dealbreaker for you, what sort of woman are you actually looking for? One who avoids speaking to men entirely because it's inappropriate and just spends time with other women?

Unless you guys are a couple or married.. and you catch someone with their bits in your girlfriend/wife's bits.. try and dial down the suspicion and possessiveness issues. It's not healthy, it never ends well, it'll destroy any chance of a relationship and neither of you can live your lives without ever interacting with members of the opposite sex. That kind of platonic interaction (without suspicion) is actually healthy for the both of you.

This whole "she shouldn't be talking to or hanging around other men" is a good indicator of your views on women and relationships and I'd suggest it might even be worth speaking to someone about it professionally to nip it in the bud before it sabotages your personal relationships. It's not necessarily your fault, it's just that culture and society has a lot of influence over how people are raised to view sex and relationships and the current status quo needs some work. Suspicion about people talking to the opposite sex is one example.

For what it's worth, my sisters and I spent most of ourchildhood years with our cousins and it didn't result in any kind of incestuous relationship amongst any of us. It did however contribute to learning that boys and girls can live/work/play together without it meaning that people of the opposite sex are interested in each other.

$10 old mate wants jiggy

$5 hes a poof

Originally Posted by pottery beige

$10 old mate wants jiggy

$5 hes a poof

He's her cousin, he probably doesn't 'want jiggy.'
She's allowed to go out, it doesn't sound like these guys are actually dating.

[Citroënbender]

I briefly dated a second cousin, nearly twenty years ago. It was mostly mutual physical attraction. We figured that due to one of us being adopted, there was no genetic link, the only “risk” was opprobrium.

[hayseed]

Originally Posted by leesa

He's her cousin, he probably doesn't 'want jiggy.'
She's allowed to go out, it doesn't sound like these guys are actually dating.

I may well be wrong here, BUT..

I think PB's $10 refers to the OP & the $5 refers to the "cousin"..

But Happy to be corrected..

[asagaai]

Way too little information for me to be casting any view on whether what is going on is "normal" whatever the hell that means, and seems to be some pretty narrow views here, as well as prejudices shown against people which is not cool.

But thanks to Citroenbender I have learned a new word

[smoo]

Originally Posted by Bossxr8

If that's the first take you get from reading that, I say you are the one who should be talking to someone professionally.

I would hate to see the state of the submissive soy boy who’d shack up with her and be subjected to and obliged to agree with that type of rhetoric on a daily basis.

[mostly_broncos]

Long distance relationships with people in foreign countries ?


If it was the US and it was different states its one thing. Same for say France and Germany , Italy whatever. Relatively equal countries that are not hard to travel between. Different but equal .

If you are a 65 year old fat american and she is a 19 year old philipino (eastern european etc. ) gal then just transfer your entire bank account over to her today and get it over with.

[buggerlugs]

Originally Posted by leesa

He's her cousin, he probably doesn't 'want jiggy.'

Never stopped 'em in Tassie...........

Originally Posted by smoo

I would hate to see the state of the submissive soy boy who’d shack up with her and be subjected to and obliged to agree with that type of rhetoric on a daily basis.

On the flip side, I steer clear of anyone who calls others soyboys/cucks and whose only instructions on how to be a man is to be a raging meatbag of uncontrolled testosterone whenever they think their masculinity is in question.

I think you'll find that kind of facade is quite thin and usually employed by delicate men who explode at the mere thought of looking weak, showing empathy, touching anything pink or basically doing anything outside of the narrow boundaries of what it means to "be a real man."

[Citroënbender]

So, what do you see as “non-toxic masculinity”? At present I feel some would argue that “toxic masculinity” is tautology.

Originally Posted by Citroënbender

So, what do you see as “non-toxic masculinity”? At present I feel some would argue that “toxic masculinity” is tautology.

If you're referring to my comment in the other thread about guys being called cucks who might want to lower their estrogen and get a testosterone shot... for wanting to be vaccinated of all bloody things... the behaviour opposite of that is a pretty fair idea.

It's not unmanly to do things outside of confines of the stereotypical definition of a brutish man. The colour pink is not kryptonite, delicate men almost think their dick will fall off if they touch anything pink. Often they'll grab pink objects with as few fingers as possible if they have to pick it up, as if they're carrying someone else's snotty tissue.

Don't listen to the toxic version of what it means to "be a real man". There are plenty of ways to be a man and being anything less than a brute who never shows fear is not (in my personal opinion) one of them. Plenty of men commit suicide because of the bull**** society tells them about being a man and if they don't shape up to that character then they're obviously gay and may aswell off themselves. Hike up your skirt, take a spoon full of concrete and harden up, don't ever cry, don't ever show any semblance of emotion or empathy, yadda yadda. We've all heard it. It basically says that you have to play a role your entire life and can't be a human being that feels emotion and is able to express it, and it's very damaging. If you google around, you will see that it is involved in the rates of men's suicide.

All that aside, I don't actually think and didn't say that what OP has said is toxic masculinity. But there are glimpses there that show some (possibly low, who knows) signs of possessiveness and suspicion and those things aren't healthy for relationships. I am not accusing the OP of this, but if you've ever had domestic violence in your life then you start to see some patterns in other people that can be early indicators of what a woman is up for if she ends up in that relationship. It's not something you go looking for, they just start to stand out in people and unfortunately possessiveness is one of them. Often people don't even realise it's happening, but it destroys relationships (and sometimes lives) and if it can be nipped in the bud then I think OP will be a happier (and emotionally healthier) person for it.
It's not just men either, I've had some unhealthy relationships in the past and looking back on them I wasn't even really aware of why I got upset at some of the things I did.

So to clarify, incase people see your comment and think I'm accusing OP of toxic masculinity (or domestic violence for that matter), no I'm not. But being weird about a chick hanging out with her guy cousin, and having it throw off BS radars and red flags, that's not real right either. Single women are allowed to hang out with men. I'd even argue that women in relationships are allowed to hang out with men but that's a different discussion. Does it really qualify for people saying "RUN" because this chick is hanging out with her male cousin?? Hell, this woman is even going out with a RELATIVE and it's still making OP suspicious. Why?? What do you think is actually going on, OP?

[FTE217]

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