jokes

MY TY · 31-08-2007, 06:13 PM

here's a couple of jokes to make you smile.
Why did the elephants get kicked off the beach? They were walking around with their trunks down.
I can still make love at 65, which is good because I live at 67 and don't have far to walk home.
Two cows, Daisy and Dolly, are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you." says Dolly. "It's absolutely true," insists Daisy. "No bull."

**killerjoolz** · 31-08-2007, 06:41 PM

THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I out rank you.
Tray-up, ."

MY TY · 31-08-2007, 07:14 PM

Visiting France on a wine-tasting trip, a woman drank too much, fell from her hotel window and ended up in a body cast. She swore never to get plastered in Paris again.

thunderoo · 01-09-2007, 07:22 AM

A handbag company approached a rabai and asked him "what do you do with all the foreskins?" The rabai said that on busy weeks he has problems disposing of them. The handbag company then made him an offer to buy all the foreskins of the rabai for a great price. The company then started makeing handbags out of the foreskins with great success, that much that the company wanted the buyers of the handbags to come back and give feedback on them. When the customers came back the feedback was a great success !!! They said you can have your handbag and when you give it a couple of rubs it turns into a suitcase !!!!

**killerjoolz** · 02-09-2007, 12:14 PM

Paddy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in
the shadows.

'Twenty quid . . .' she whispers.

He'd never been with a hooker before but he decides what
the heck, it's only twenty quid.

So they hide in the bushes. They're going 'at it' for a
couple of minutes when, all of a sudden, a light flashes on them,
it's a police officer.

'What's going on here, people?' asks the officer.

'I'm making love to my wife,' Paddy answers indignantly.

'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know.'

'Well,' Paddy says, 'neither did I, until you shined
that light in her face.

**killerjoolz** · 04-09-2007, 05:40 PM

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"

**killerjoolz** · 04-09-2007, 06:48 PM

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'"

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence.'"

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women give her this subtle "Well . . . ?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hardbodied, well hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My God . . . ."

MY TY · 05-09-2007, 01:51 PM

funny ones. Hey Joolz - did you have the knee surgery? hope all went well and I wish you a speedy recovery

**killerjoolz** · 05-09-2007, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MY TY

funny ones. Hey Joolz - did you have the knee surgery? hope all went well and I wish you a speedy recovery

No got cancelled coz I had a chest infection....so now getting done on the 26th september,just before our Coffs Show N Shine,BUGGER

: ...lol....anyway will still go but just for the Sunday