The guy i sat next to last night.

3vXT · 06-09-2008, 01:11 PM

I'll keep it short and sweet, its about some guy at the restaurant (sort of) bit at the Cardiff panthers club last night.
I was there with my parents (I'm 26, they are 50 and 60) for an early fathers day eat and drink outing, a Chinese woman and her 10ish year old son were in line before us, she paid for 2 adults and the kid and got seated next to us.
Everything was fine for about 20 minutes, then her Australian BF/defacto/whatever showed up and started harassing the kid before he had even sat down. I know 'harassing' is probably the wrong word, i probably mean 'berating' or 'haranguing' something like that. He was stopping short of belting the kid, and was keeping his voice down so only the people in the tables close could hear but he was being an absolute jerk.
He was in to the kid about normal stuff, homework etc but every time he tried to answer him the guy would cut him off, telling him to answer faster and my favorite, 'don't eat anything while i'm talking to you, you know i hate that'.
I'm all for parents instilling more respect on their kids and obviously i don't know the whole story but this guy was honestly the biggest jerk i have ever seen. Who drags their kid (or their GF's kid) to a packed restaurant just to drill the crap out of him about stuff that could just as easily be discussed at home or anywhere. It was like he was trying to make the kid cry in public just so he'd be embarrassed but without drawing attention to himself (which he failed at miserably).
After about 10 minutes of him quietly tearing into this kid, he gets up walks out (for a smoke or something, i don't know). I'm coming back to the table with some drinks and my mum asks the Chinese woman, who has sat there eating without comment the whole time, if everything is ok. She shoots her back her best dumb cow look, says nothing and keeps eating. I don't know, she might not speak English or something.
The guy comes back and picks up where he left off for about 30 seconds until another family sits down on the other side of their table. One of the kids or the parents i'm not sure, says hello etc.. to them (they obviously know each other) and the guy whispers to the little Chinese kid that they'll finish their talk later while giving him the evil eye.

I know it doesn't sound like much, some guy disciplining his kid in public, but that just cause i'm crap at describing it. Its been a while, probably 20 years, since i ever got a smack for whatever when i was a kid but i'd have taken that 10 times over if the other alternative was what this kid got last night. I know some hard people on here will say that i should have stood up and kicked the guy across the room and some people would say that we should have minded our own business and ignored it completely but its a little late for either.

We left soon after the other family sat down cause mum was a bit upset about it and dad was full of prawns. I sort of put it out of my mind last night but i woke up this morning feeling a bit guilty for not doing anything.

EDIT: If some of that sounds a little strange i originally posted it on another forum's ranting section so i had to substitute a few words for other 'more FF friendly' words etc...

3vXT · 06-09-2008, 01:24 PM

Something i forgot to mention.

The kids mum paid for the guys meal but he was so busy quietly tearing into her kid that he never ate a thing while we were there anyway.

Also, the mother did speak a little english, we heard her when she was in line to pay on the way in. I thought maybe the guy was keeping his voice down and trying to use a 'friendly' tone so she wouldn't catch on but even if she didn't know what he was saying she must have seen how bad her son was taking it. I'm betting she is used to getting similar treatment from the guy so that would probably have a bit to do with her not jumping in.
I'm not defending or attacking her, i can think of arguments for both. It just makes makes me glad i never had to worry about that kind of thing when i was growing up.

Laminge · 06-09-2008, 02:01 PM

I know its hard to keep one civil when you see this type of stuff happens.

Ive been known to put people back in their place when you see a child get abused like that, and by the way you explained it, it is abuse.

Mind your own business, would be most of what people would say, but alas I believe we do too much of that these days.

xurbanx · 06-09-2008, 02:10 PM

Yeah that does sound like it'll lead to abuse. Pretty bad to see these things happen

06-09-2008, 02:11 PM

Mind your own friggin business. It's not against the law to berate a kid and it's not your place to step in.

If he actually hit the kid or something, the right thing to do would be to step in . But it's not your place to do anything else.

I had this when I got into a disagreement with my gf and I suggested we take a 2 week break. We had the discussion in the car and we went into a store and she was teary.

Some idiot came and started acting like a superhero asking if everything's alright and if there's anything he can do. Almost like the police at the front door saying, you don't have to say anything but nod if he's in the house beating you.

Needless to say we were both pretty ****ed off at this idiot for just making matters worse. This kind of stupidity can get you bashed, especially when it's got nothing to do with you and it's obviously an emotional kind of matter.

I think your mum should've minded her own business also.

Btw, my mum's an ex Child protection officer, so I've heard 2nd hand in full detail what abusive parents are capable of and she's a psychologist so I also know that emotional abuse can be worse than physical.

But nothing could be achieved here. Unless your mum was going to hold this womans hand all the way through the divorce process, she should've just enjoyed her meal. It's possible that it caused even more trouble, who knows.

StealthAu · 06-09-2008, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shounak

Mind your own friggin business. It's not against the law to berate a kid and it's not your place to step in.

If he actually hit the kid or something, the right thing to do would be to step in . But it's not your place to do anything else.

I had this when I got into a disagreement with my gf and I suggested we take a 2 week break. We had the discussion in the car and we went into a store and she was teary.

Some idiot came and started acting like a superhero asking if everything's alright and if there's anything he can do. Almost like the police at the front door saying, you don't have to say anything but nod if he's in the house beating you.

Needless to say we were both pretty ****ed off at this idiot for just making matters worse. This kind of stupidity can get you bashed, especially when it's got nothing to do with you and it's obviously an emotional kind of matter.

I think your mum should've minded her own business also.

Btw, my mum's an ex Child protection officer, so I've heard 2nd hand in full detail what abusive parents are capable of and she's a psychologist so I also know that emotional abuse can be worse than physical.

But nothing could be achieved here. Unless your mum was going to hold this womans hand all the way through the divorce process, she should've just enjoyed her meal. It's possible that it caused even more trouble, who knows.

In a public place if I am subjected to hearing or seeing something I don't agree with it is my buisness.

Laminge · 06-09-2008, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shounak

Mind your own friggin business. It's not against the law to berate a kid and it's not your place to step in.

If he actually hit the kid or something, the right thing to do would be to step in . But it's not your place to do anything else.

I had this when I got into a disagreement with my gf and I suggested we take a 2 week break. We had the discussion in the car and we went into a store and she was teary.

Some idiot came and started acting like a superhero asking if everything's alright and if there's anything he can do. Almost like the police at the front door saying, you don't have to say anything but nod if he's in the house beating you.

Needless to say we were both pretty ****ed off at this idiot for just making matters worse. This kind of stupidity can get you bashed, especially when it's got nothing to do with you and it's obviously an emotional kind of matter.

I think your mum should've minded her own business also.

Btw, my mum's an ex Child protection officer, so I've heard 2nd hand in full detail what abusive parents are capable of and she's a psychologist so I also know that emotional abuse can be worse than physical.

But nothing could be achieved here. Unless your mum was going to hold this womans hand all the way through the divorce process, she should've just enjoyed her meal. It's possible that it caused even more trouble, who knows.

You seem to be an expert on everything, I wonder what life experiences you draw upon to enlighten us with your ever so informative posts.

06-09-2008, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laminge

I know its hard to keep one civil when you see this type of stuff happens.

Ive been known to put people back in their place when you see a child get abused like that, and by the way you explained it, it is abuse.

Mind your own business, would be most of what people would say, but alas I believe we do too much of that these days.

Even if you thought it would lead to abuse, what would you do? This guy has not broken a law, he's just having a "conversation" with the kid.

You could tell the mum about DHS, or one of several couselling services for women that will guide abused women through the seperation process, even providing accomadation, but would she use it?

Most of these battered women will start the process but the VAST VAST majority will not go through with the process. They'll end up going right back to the abusive guy because he loves them and has promised to change.

You would tear your hair out working at one of these places because you see these abused women who are given every opportunity to stop them and their kids from being abused, but they won't take it.

Now realistically mate, what would happen if you stepped in? Yeah you might make this guy back down at the restaurant, but on the inside he would be fesetering. Because the type of scumbag to berate his kid like that is probably disempowered and disenfranchised with life.

Guess who he'd take it all out on when he got home?

Unless you can permanently drag the woman and her kid away from the guy, it's best to mind your own business.

ayeyew · 06-09-2008, 02:30 PM

Really, stuff like that needs to be reported to DoCS, but without knowing their name and details, there really isn't much you can do.

If that does not amount to psychological abuse, i don't know what does.

06-09-2008, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laminge

You seem to be an expert on everything, I wonder what life experiences you draw upon to enlighten us with your ever so informative posts.

Vicarious life experiences in this one. Read the post just above this.

But my mum has worked with battered women, suicide help centres, DHS and is currently working for Family Relationships Australia.

She has guided many battered women throughout the whole process of stopping the abuse and you'd be amazed to hear her stories.

Why is my life experience relevant here?

06-09-2008, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ayeyew

Really, stuff like that needs to be reported to DoCS, but without knowing their name and details, there really isn't much you can do.

If that does not amount to psychological abuse, i don't know what does.

Even if you do report it to DoCs (what we go by DHS here), the protection officer will show up and will usually be met with a barrage of swear words from the mother and/or the father.

They can only step in when there is an extreme and obvious case of physical neglect. Which usually only happens with drug addicted parents.

DoC's are powerless, as are the police. Sad, but true.

boss-290 · 06-09-2008, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shounak

Even if you thought it would lead to abuse, what would you do? This guy has not broken a law, he's just having a "conversation" with the kid.

You could tell the mum about DHS, or one of several couselling services for women that will guide abused women through the seperation process, even providing accomadation, but would she use it?

Most of these battered women will start the process but the VAST VAST majority will not go through with the process. They'll end up going right back to the abusive guy because he loves them and has promised to change.

You would tear your hair out working at one of these places because you see these abused women who are given every opportunity to stop them and their kids from being abused, but they won't take it.

Now realistically mate, what would happen if you stepped in? Yeah you might make this guy back down at the restaurant, but on the inside he would be fesetering. Because the type of scumbag to berate his kid like that is probably disempowered and disenfranchised with life.

Guess who he'd take it all out on when he got home?

Unless you can permanently drag the woman and her kid away from the guy, it's best to mind your own business.

You disgust me and most of this forum.

ayeyew · 06-09-2008, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shounak

Even if you do report it to DoCs (what we go by DHS here), the protection officer will show up and will usually be met with a barrage of swear words from the mother and/or the father.

They can only step in when there is an extreme and obvious case of physical neglect. Which usually only happens with drug addicted parents.

DoC's are powerless, as are the police. Sad, but true.

Reality sucks sometimes aye...

06-09-2008, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boss-290

You disgust me and most of this forum.

Because I know how the world works?

What do you think you could do? Your mock disdain and speaking on the behalf of thousands of members is laughable.

When the people in power are powerless to stop this stuff, what do you think you can do to stop it?

Like I said, you could get this coward to back down at the restaurant, but it will start right back up once he gets home. Probably even more so from his built up rage at being put in his place.

The only one with the power to stop it is the woman and with all the resources available to her, she just has to say the word and people like my mum will do the rest for her. But if she doesn't push the buzzer, nothning will happen.

Get off your horse and add something substantive or try to prove me wrong. It's very easy to shake your head, but a bit harder to suggest something better.

Dragoneletra · 06-09-2008, 02:45 PM

>>"Mind your own friggin business. It's not against the law to berate a kid and it's not your place to step in.

If he actually hit the kid or something, the right thing to do would be to step in . But it's not your place to do anything else"<<

Not be a nob, but I disagree there, whether I bring my kids up (don't have any yet) in a better or worse fashion, though i'm sure it will be the best possible if the wife has anything to say about it, but you interupt my damn dinner that i'm paying for, and thats cause for concern. Sorry. But thats how it is.

your story at the store sounds a little different and I agree with you in that respect. Old mate should have kept mum instead of enquiring about how your missus is. But yeah, getting up the kids in public doesn't look great. Hell if the guys wife doesn't even speak much english to start with...I mean, obviously i'm generalizing, but what kind of relationship can they have ??

Now i'm off to watch doctor phil.
lol

Jc

paule11 · 06-09-2008, 02:50 PM

I was at Hungry Jacks in line and 3 little kids ran in straight up to the counterand the bloke in line in front of me started calling them every name under the sun abusing the hell out of them . I said guys the line is over here you probably wont get served there and without thinking ,it came straight out of my mouth I said to the bloke in front settle down mate are you some sort of retard . I then looked at him he had some sort of mental disability.
No one likes seeing kids given a hard time over nothing

Laminge · 06-09-2008, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shounak

Why is my life experience relevant here?

Exactly.

It just helps me determine if you are just some pimply self opinionated poster who enjoys the attention, or if there is some type of substance in your overpowering statements. :togo:

06-09-2008, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laminge

Exactly.

It just helps me determine if you are just some pimply self opinionated poster who enjoys the attention, or if there is some type of substance in your overpowering statements. :togo:

I haven't seen you actually shoot down any of my points, so it's probably more substantive than you can come up with.

I'm not making any misrepresentations here, I'm a 22 year old Commerce student, but I know an enormous amount about how these matters are dealt with. I've talked to plenty of cops and child protection officers, they both say that their inability to deal with this stuff is the worst part of the job.

My mums good friend, a Seargeant, said it was the single worst part of the job. Bringing wife bashers in, giving them coffee, arranging accomodation and then letting them go without charge.

I don't know everything about this topic, but I've got ready access to people who do. So I'm qualified enough to make a comment on an internet forum.

Thanks for the compliment though.

gtxb67 · 06-09-2008, 03:03 PM

i believe it is a difficult situation. you feel as the right thing to do is step in and help the child, girl whoever is being bullied/abused etc. the problem is, although the abuse may stop at the time, when the abuser gets home it may start again two or three times worse than in public
it is a pity there are people in this world that think it is their right to bully others and make their lives difficult

eb_5litre · 06-09-2008, 03:04 PM

Well i'm not disgusted.

There are too many busy-bodies who are too quick to stick their noses in. Ripping into him for berating the child would've most likely made it worse for them later.
In saying that though, I would have brought it to his attention that he was being a nuisance and interrupting my dinner.

It also helps to be Laminges size and have a willingness to sit on people. lol

**Peuty** · 06-09-2008, 03:10 PM

Jeez shounak, every thread I have seen you post in is to abuse other members for not sharing your opinion. Why are you on these forums in the first place?

06-09-2008, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peuty

Jeez shounak, every thread I have seen you post in is to abuse other members for not sharing your opinion. Why are you on these forums in the first place?

Find me one place where I abused another member.

My talking style is to vehemently put my opinion forward and if you have the strength to properly shoot it down, I'll revise my position.

In the Gear/Neutral thread, I revised my position from Park is good, to Neutral to Park is good.

I'm quite happy to learn new things and I'm willing to soak up any information.

In other words, I believe in dialectics. I put forward my opinion, you put yours forward. I'll be happy to settle at the synthesis point, if you can get me there.

My question still stands though, where did I abuse anyone?

V3RSAC3 · 06-09-2008, 03:27 PM

There's alot of big words in that paragraph :( :(

Bucknaked · 06-09-2008, 03:30 PM

My dad is like this. Your out for dinner, he gets a few beers under his belt, he likes belittle the kids, ride them, make a scene in front of his mates. Laughs and jokes about it to his mates. The odd clip over the ear, on the back of the head. It makes him feel like a big man. He did this to us as kids. He does it to his grandchildren.

Regardless of whether its anyones business, adults who take it upon themselves to this to children, deserve to be taught a lesson.

Dragoneletra · 06-09-2008, 03:34 PM

whats a paragraph?
lol

jc

V3RSAC3 · 06-09-2008, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragoneletra

whats a paragraph?
lol

jc

I dont't know, websters dictonary defines it as; ' A brief article, notice, or announcement '

But its still an over large word for such a simple thing

Dragoneletra · 06-09-2008, 04:15 PM

ahhh a meaningless footnote, yet somewhere in the vicinity of.....the center ?

Be sure to tilt the nose at the right angle, block off 3 quarters of the left nostril and a 1/3rd of the right and add that pompous arrogant tone of voice that leaves the listener in no doubt of the class distinction between the the former and the speaker.
lol

Jc

The Yeti · 06-09-2008, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xurbanx

Yeah that does sound like it'll lead to abuse. Pretty bad to see these things happen

you dont have to beat the kid black and blue for it to be abuse

3vXT · 06-09-2008, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shounak

...and we went into a store and she was teary.

If i'm out shopping and see some woman (or a guy) crying i wouldn't think twice about asking if she or he was ok. That's not to say i'd walk in throwing punches like John Wayne but i'm not going to ignore her either. There is a big difference between minding your own business and going through life avoiding unpleasant situations because you're scared of getting beat up or because you just don't care about people you won't see again. I'm not suggesting that's you, but i'd hazard a guess that the majority of people that would look the other way fit into those two categories. I can understand being scared of getting hurt, but i must be one of those strange people that care about everyone, even people i've never met, until i'm given a reason not too and in most cases like yours, i would risk it.

As for what happened last night, if some guy spoke to me like that he wouldn't get a chance to finish. I would happily brake bones he didn't even know he had. I've seen plenty of rude kids getting put in their place publicly and i haven't said or done a thing. I've even seen a few getting smacked and at times i've felt like applauding the parents. Until today i've never woke up the next morning and regretted doing nothing though. Like i said in the first post its probably my fault for not being able to explain the way the guy was constantly attacking the kid while trying to appear to everyone else like they were having a lovely evening.

Also, my mum has been a nurse for over 40 years, she's seen a few things but those are her experiences, not mine. In short, i don't care if your mum is Zena and your dad is Captain Planet, perhaps you should stick to numbers or whatever it is you do when you aren't trolling forums.

V3RSAC3 · 06-09-2008, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragoneletra

ahhh a meaningless footnote, yet somewhere in the vicinity of.....the center ?

Be sure to tilt the nose at the right angle, block off 3 quarters of the left nostril and a 1/3rd of the right and add that pompous arrogant tone of voice that leaves the listener in no doubt of the class distinction between the the former and the speaker.
lol

Jc

Indeed ...

Oh well, im off to the yacht club (had too google how to spell that), will you be joining me later tonight Dragoneletra? .. if so, bring out the shardinay and the Rolls ;)

ah well .. you can't blame us for tryin to lighten up the mood can they?? haha